Page 19 of Whispers of My Skin

“Yes, yours,” I drowsily agree, drunk on bliss. Yes. I am his, and he is mine. My first time. No one else can ever have my virginity, that was my gift to him. I have no regrets, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. This was perfect.

Holding me tightly, he turns us so that I can lay on his chest.

“I wish we could stay here forever,” I whisper, running my hand over his chest, and toying with his dark brown nipples.

His laugh reverberates in his chest, feeling weird but also nice as I rest my head on him. I’m not used to this kind of close physical contact. Growing up, my mother rarely showed any kind of physical affection, so I’ve not experienced this kind of closeness with another human being before. Maybe that’s why it’s having such an impact on me.

“Much as I’d like to, you know we can’t stay like this. It won’t be long before someone’s going to come looking for you.”

I sigh. Joel’s right. I have to get back. If anyone were to find us, the consequences for him would be devastating. He’d be fired, and lose everything he’s worked so hard for. Just being here with me is a huge risk for him, so for his sake if not mine, I have to go back and act as if I haven’t just had the most wonderful, earth-shattering experience of my life.

After our first time, there were many more secret trysts. They were what I lived for. My mother remained oblivious to what was going on under her nose, just thankful I wasn’t bothering her, while Joel made sure he always completed all his duties satisfactorily and didn’t draw any kind of negative attention.

I loved seeing him every day, and I took every opportunity I could to secretly watch him riding out on his horse, in those jeans and with that hat. Yep, my Joel was the whole package alright.

I was one lucky girl- the way he looked at me, the way he smiled at me and only me. My whole world orbited around him. And I was thrilled that it was the same for him. He really loved me, I knew it, I felt it.

I could swear it.

Fucking memories.

Fucking Joel.

I’m totally fucked.

And not in the way I want.

Funny how life turns out, isn’t it?

Mine was never the same after Joel left.

I went through the motions, but life had lost its meaning. I just existed, living a quiet, almost reclusive life, doing my best to forget him, resigning myself to never seeing the love of my life again.

But it turned out life wasn’t done being a bitch to me yet, and when my world turned upside-down again, I was left with little choice but to go to the very man I’d spent years avoiding.

Because in spite of everything, when the chips were down, whatever had passed between us, I believed I could still count on Joel to save Redlands.

Damn life, ignoring my shattered heart.

And that’s the sad story of how I’ve ended up where I am today. Married to Joel, but with a massive ocean between us.

Getting to sleep in my comfy old bed is not usually a problem—sleep has always been my ally, providing me with an escape from reality. Even though my condition has me totally exhausted, tonight the familiar pale-colored walls and soft sheets aren’t working their usual magic.

Try as I might, I can’t escape the memories. Some happy. Others not so much.

I close my eyes, trying to leave all my ghosts and demons behind.

The curtains flutter in the breeze from the open window. Fresh air that smells of rain, evoking memories of warm summer nights, the kind I’ve always loved.

And yet I’m desperately cold, the bone-chilling kind of cold that freezes your very soul. It comes from the bleak desperation of wanting someone so badly, and even though they’ve rejected you, hurt you, tossed you aside, none of that makes any difference to the longing and the loneliness.

Joel might be here at Redlands, but I can’t have him in the way that I want. It’s an impossible situation I’ve gotten myself into. My only consolation is that thanks to my circumstances, it’ll be short-lived. I won’t be able to conceal things much longer, and then it’ll all be over in any case.

I have to keep reminding myself of why I sought Joel out and begged for his help.

Because it made good business sense for the ranch. Because I know Joel’s the only one who can save Redlands.

But what about me? Did it make good sense for me?

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