Page 60 of Whispers of My Skin

“And they still haven’t found my previous doctor?”

He shakes his head. “Nope.”

“The police have no clues other than…?” I can’t bring myself to say out loud where the police investigations seem to be pointing.

“Tara, I know you don’t want to face up to this, but you have to prepare yourself, because at some point this fucking shit’s gonna hit the fan. You have to tell her.”

“I know, and I will, I promise,” I sigh, staring out to the open field where some cattle are grazing. “Do you think I should visit her in San Antonio or ask her to come out here to the ranch?”

“She has to come out to Redlands—no way am I prepared to risk you running into that monster she’s married to,” Joel states vehemently.

“Joel, I agree he’s a thoroughly nasty, spineless coward, but I don’t think there’s more to it than that. You’ll see, the investigation will prove I’m right.”

He raises his eyebrows as he scoffs in disbelief. Joel has his theories and I have mine. For now, we can only agree to disagree.

“We’re here,” he says, swiftly changing the subject as he brings his horse to a halt.

It’s the beginning of fall, the late afternoon sky is a gorgeous clear blue and the air is crisp and fresh. Being out here is exactly what I needed to recharge my batteries.

Joel helps me off the horse, and then reaches into his saddle bag.

“What have you got there?” I ask curiously.

“I happen to like those tight pants of yours, and I’d hate for them to get ruined,” he winks, as he produces a plaid blanket.

Laughing, I spin around, feeling liberated, thinking back to how we used to have to sneak around to meet up. Now, we’re married and can spend as much time together as we wish. I feel so happy and blessed in this moment.

We walk hand in hand down a slope, to reach a small hollow in front of the river next to a large cypress tree, where Joel lays out the blanket for us to sit on.

This was our secret meeting place in our previous existence. No one could find us here, and I’m thankful the old tree can’t speak to reveal our secrets.

“Thank you for bring me here,” I sigh contentedly, placing his hat on my head, straddling him in anticipation of the promised ride. “I love this place.”

“And I love my hat on you.” He gently caresses some loose strands of my hair, and we’re so close, our lips almost touching, almost kissing.

But Joel’s just teasing me, as he carefully moves me to one side, then reaches for his leather saddle bag again. Since I came home from the hospital, Joel has been treating me like a delicate, fragile doll, gently cuddling up with me every night, but refusing to allow anything more to develop between us. I think we’re both more than ready to combust with need and frustration, yet Joel is still holding back. My man certainly has iron self-control, that’s for sure.

“Did you bring the entire kitchen?” I laugh, when I see what he’s packed for our picnic. “If you keep on feeding me like this, I’m going to get fat and these pants you like so much won’t fit.”

“Well, my love, I’ll just have to make sure you get a good work out,” he winks.

“In that case, I have a craving to try it all,” I grin back.

“And you, my love, are all I crave.”

What can I say? I crave him every bit as much, in fact I could eat him all up with a tiny spoon. I want to savor him every single day, and every single night.

“Eat,” my darling husband orders, a wicked smile playing around his mouth, full of promise for later.

As we eat, Joel fills me in about his meetings in San Antonio. I’m very relieved at the good news that he’s signed up some tenants for the plots of land we’ve set aside for that purpose, because that means we’ll be able to cover the next payments to the bank, which is a huge weight off my mind. In addition, Joel met up with some other like-minded ecological ranchers, to discuss setting up a cooperative, with a view to pooling some of the more expensive resources and equipment. I think it’s a brilliant idea, one that I would never have been able to initiate on my own. But thanks to his experience and reputation, folk are prepared to listen to Joel’s ideas. We’ve already begun implementing the new feeding program, but it’ll take time before we begin to see any financial benefit.

“If all goes well,” Joel says, “Maybe this time next year, you and I could actually go on vacation somewhere. Would you like that?”

“That would be wonderful,” I sigh dreamily.

Hopefully by then I won’t need regular checkups with Dr. Wang, and should be off all medication.

“Just you and me on a deserted beach, baby,” he adds. “That’s my idea of paradise.”

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