Page 53 of Whispers of My Skin

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Twelve years ago

I waited and waited for Joel to return, but he never did.

Lonely hours spent drowning in tears, which turned into days, then weeks.

I lost hope. I lost faith.

Joel never returned.

My father absolutely refused to discuss the matter and forbade me from ever mentioning his name again, but I still pleaded with everyone to find out if they knew where he was, what had happened to him, but no one could tell me anything. It was as if Joel Sadger had never existed.

Still, I waited for a letter that never arrived, a call that never came. I so desperately needed to see Joel again, to feel his arms around me. But after months and months of waiting for any kind of a sign, a small hint, anything just to prove that he still loved me, eventually the flame dimmed and finally burnt out. By that stage I was just drifting along in a sea of loneliness and despair, no longer caring what happened to me.

What was the point of my life? Answer—there was no point. My future no longer existed, snuffed out along with my dreams of Joel.

Did I hate Joel for walking away after making all those promises? Trust me, I wanted to, I really did. But I just couldn’t. Even when I managed to force him from my thoughts by day, he still tormented my dreams by night. All the sweet things he’d whispered to me, all the loving smiles he’d cast my way, the perfect future we’d planned together.

Broken dreams of what could have been but would never be.

I fell into a deep depression, and couldn’t be bothered with studying, so I dropped out of college after failing all my classes. I wasn’t worried, nor was I the least bit interested in re-sitting. What was the point in gaining qualifications for a future I couldn’t bring myself to care about?

The only place that held any relevance for me was Redlands. Somehow, the fact that generations of my family had worked this place was the only reason I didn’t give up and end my life. Redlands had stood the test of time and so should I, because the blood of Edward Rhett, my great-great-grandfather, ran through my veins.

That winter, my parents decided that if I wasn’t going back to college, maybe a complete change of scenery would snap me out of the funk I’d sunk into. So, they sent me on an extended visit to my mother’s sister in Switzerland, a place renowned for its recuperating powers. Aunt Katherine had never had a family of her own and was more than happy to have me come and visit. I went along with things simply because I didn’t have the energy to argue.

Much to my surprise, being away from the place where my heart had been shattered did kick-start the healing process, and I slowly began to feel better. It took a while, but it really helped that my aunt was always so kind and patient with me, acknowledging my pain rather than ignoring it as my parents had. Eventually, I no longer spent every day crying, as winter in the beautiful mountains of the Alps transformed me. I metamorphosed into a new person, one willing to give life another go, even if I no longer had a heart.

I was young, I was healthy, I was wealthy. I was popular with men, but although I flirted and had fun with them, but no one ever came close to making me feel the way I had with Joel. I’d already loved and lost my Prince Charming, so now I was just passing time by kissing a bunch of frogs.

But you never know what life is going to throw at you next, do you?

Out of the blue, my father upped and died.

And as his sole heir, I had no option but to return to Redlands. Instead of the carefree, happy life I’d been enjoying, on my return I was forced to deal with all kinds of heavy responsibilities for which I was totally unprepared.

My mother, being the kind of woman who only felt validated by a man, soon turned to Oscar, one of their acquaintances, and married him within just a few short months of losing my father. It wasn’t long before she became totally dependent on him for every aspect of her life, and tried to force his influence on me too. However, once I realized our problems only worsened whenever Oscar stepped in to ‘help’, I began ignoring his advice and making my own decisions instead.

After that, things went from bad to worse.

Our financial problems had been bad enough, but when my health started to decline on top of everything else, it was—so to speak—the final nail in the coffin—to be given the devastating news that my condition was untreatable and terminal.

The one thing I was determined to do was make sure Redlands was kept in my family, no matter what. That would be my legacy in honor of my ancestors who’d worked this land.

I knew there was only one person in the world capable of fulfilling that task after I was gone. And that would be my bittersweet revenge. I’d give him everything, he’d lose it, he’d end up with nothing.

The circle of life.

Why do people have to talk so loudly? And what’s with all the clattering and banging? Can’t people just be quiet? Don’t they get that my head is pounding, every single part of my body aches, and all I want is some peace and quiet?

I hear a weird groaning noise, then realize it’s coming from me, thanks to my dry, scratchy throat. I’d kill for some nice cold water right now.

I try opening my eyes, but the lids refuse to budge. In fact, my whole body is a painful deadweight that refuses to move.

What the hell has happened to me?

Then it all starts coming back. Like I’m a disemboweled husk watching from a distance, the memories replay in slow-mo.

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