Page 48 of Whispers of My Skin

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If there’s one thing I’ve learned in this fucking life, it’s that nothing comes for free.

If you want something, you have to work hard, be prepared to sweat your fucking ass off, and even that’s not always enough.

When Tara showed up at my office out of the blue that day, begging me to save her ranch, I had to think on my feet. I forced myself to remain cool and think logically, even though my first inclination was to do whatever Tara asked of me. I’d heard rumors that Redlands was in trouble after her father died, and it wasn’t surprising that Tara wasn’t up to the task of running such a huge ranch. Not her fault when her overprotective old man never allowed her to get involved in what he considered ‘man’s work’.

So, was I really prepared to give up my position at one of the best ranches in the area for a shot at managing Redlands? No, I decided I wasn’t. Being just the manager wasn’t enough. My goal had always been to have my own ranch someday, and knowing Tara had to be desperate to come begging for my help after twelve long years, I decided it was time to play hard ball.

I wanted the ranch and I wanted the girl.

All or nothing.

I wasn’t prepared to be just the hired help again, someone who could be dispensed with on a whim. A lot of water had passed under the bridge since that day her father caught us together, and I was no longer prepared to be treated like dirt. No, I quickly decided that if this was going to happen, it had to be done on my terms. I had to remain strong and focused and not act like a love-sick fool, even though Tara looked so vulnerable and scared when she walked in, that the urge to rush straight in and rescue her was virtually overwhelming. Keep her. Make her yours.

Because the moment she walked back into my life, a part of me I thought had died years ago sprung back to life. My frozen heart. The girl I’d once loved had grown into the stunning woman in front of me, and she was even more perfect than I remembered. Mine.

But I sensed there was more to this than met the eye. Intuitively, I knew her desolate look had to be down to more than just worry about the ranch. Time would tell, because Tara’s fate was sealed that day. Having found her way back to me, no way was I going to be stupid enough to let her slip away from me again.

Not this time.

I’d never been able to forget Tara. My first true love. The only one. I guess that’s why I’d never married, although I don’t deny I’ve had my fair share of hookups—I’m a red-blooded guy with normal healthy needs after all. But I’ve never forgotten a single thing about her. The scent of her gorgeous thick brown hair, the rich timbre of her voice, her happy, carefree laugh, the way her blue eyes sparkled after we made love.

Even though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was getting myself into this time round, I already knew there was no going back. Tara wasn’t aware of the effect she had on me, but with her, it was as if I were a mere mortal worshiping at the feet of a goddess who commanded my free will.

She hadn’t quite got me by the balls yet though. I still had enough sense to figure out how to seize this opportunity and come out on top. She’d been the one who’d taught me what it had been like to have it all, then be left with nothing. Better to have loved and lost? I don’t fucking agree. That Shakespeare dude didn’t know what the hell he was talking in my opinion.

After Tara, life had been meaningless for the longest time. Bleak, dark unhappy years where I just existed. I didn’t enjoy life, I just went through the motions. But I forced myself to put that time to good use, working fucking hard to drag my way out of the gutter. That was the benefit of having no personal life, and it was worth it in the end, because eventually I reached the point where thanks to my reputation, I could pick and choose where I worked.

How rich then, that Tara had now came begging for me to save the ranch she’d inherited from her father. The very same ranch that had been his pride and joy, the very same one where he’d beaten the hell out of me, before having me thrown off his property like a delinquent. It was for Tara’s sake that I took that beating, knowing it’d be far more upsetting for her if I retaliated by beating the shit out of her old man instead. The old bastard must be turning in his grave now to think of his precious Redlands falling into my unworthy hands, having been offered up to me on a silver platter, along with the bonus prize of his daughter. Lordy, how the mighty have fallen.

Of course I realized that what Tara was offering me came at a price, but one that I was absolutely willing to pay—just on my terms. Fate is relentless, but so am I. Through the years, I’ve learned some very hard, very bitter lessons, but it’s all been worthwhile since they’ve taught me how to become far more ruthless.

So Tara needed me? Fine, she could have me, but only as her equal, not her paid lackey. Maybe this wasn’t how I’d have chosen for us to reconnect, but that’s the chance I was being gifted here. So, yeah, I decided I’d do this, but only if she agreed to my conditions. I’d be the one calling the tune, not her. I wanted her to understand we wouldn’t be playing at ranching, that she needed to fully commit and pull her weight. That’s why the day after our wedding, I set her to work painting the house. I didn’t want her to think that since I’d galloped in to save the day, she could now sit back and watch while I worked my ass off, my point being I’m no longer prepared to be treated as a lowly ranch hand, not by her or anybody else. Nobody screws over Joel Sadger these days.

Perhaps I was a bit hard on her, but in my defense, I’d had to put up with being treated like shit by her mother, with her arrogant assumption that I didn’t even own a decent fucking suit for our engagement dinner, as if I’d turn up dressed for mucking out the stables. But what really got to me, was on our wedding day, hearing both her stepfather and then Tara referring to me as an animal, a stupid fucking donkey. That lack of respect brought back a fuck-load of ugly memories, thanks to growing up on the wrong side of the tracks, always being looked down on, fighting prejudice and intolerance every step of the way.

To prove I’d left that life behind, I demanded total control of every aspect of Redlands, and total control of Tara. Control is the key, that’s the life lesson life I’ve learned. That’s why I left her frustrated, when she thought I was going to take her to bed and finish what we’d started on the stairs our wedding night. She wasn’t the only one frustrated as hell, and walking away from her was one of the hardest things I’ve done. But it proved my point. I’m in control, I call the shots, and if you treat me like an animal, I’ll act like one.

Tara will be my wife in every single way, a marriage of convenience never even a consideration as far as I was concerned. And you know what—even though I’d never previously contemplated getting married any time soon, being married to Tara just feels so fucking right. Being faithful won’t be a problem for me since I have no interest in any other woman.

Tara is it for me. Always has been, always will be.

I realized straight off I’d have my work cut out breaking down her walls and getting her to submit to me. But her passionate nature equals mine, so I knew it would only be a matter of time. Her jealousy of Cassandra proved she had strong feelings for me. My game plan was to get her to fall in love with me all over again, make her blissfully happy and content with me. Fuck, but we really could have it all, the dream life I hadn’t even known I’d wanted until she walked back into my life. Because for me, she is all my dreams wrapped in the most lickable skin.

All I had to do was keep my feelings under control. Cool and calm. Nice and steady. Just concentrate on getting Tara where I wanted her. One small step at a time. Not be a hot-headed fool.

One passionate kiss, and that all went out of the window.

I don’t deny I’ve enjoyed the company of plenty of women over the years, but I’ve never experienced the insane off the charts chemistry Tara and I have with anyone else.

Kissing Tara after all these years wasn’t a soft and sweet experience. One kiss was all it took for me to lose my usual self-control. One kiss had me so desperate to claim her that I resorted to using every seductive trick I knew to get her where I wanted her. But it didn’t feel manipulative or wrong, Tara wanted me, needed me, craved me just as much as I did her, and I’d given her ample warning of what to expect. It just all happened on a much shorter time scale, when I’d planned to draw things out, act more slowly, tease her.

Instead I kissed her with everything I had, with everything I was. And when she kissed me back, I was lost. But so was she. The goddess desired the mere mortal. Who would have thought?

But then it all blew up again between us the following morning, thanks to Tara having gotten totally the wrong idea about my relationship with Cassandra, thinking I was the father of her unborn baby, that we were lovers secretly conspiring behind her back. That’s what happens when you eavesdrop and only get part of the picture, but eventually I got her to see reason.

That’s the roller coaster personal side of our agreement. But I have to concentrate on practical matters right now, because no shit, Redlands is in one hell of a mess, and it’s going to take everything I’ve got to turn it around. But it’s also a fantastic opportunity to put into practice the ideas I’ve had for some time now. When you’re just a manager, the owner has the final say on what goes. That’s a large part of why I insisted on joint ownership of Redlands, so I’d have a free hand.

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