Page 45 of Whispers of My Skin

“Yup, you got that right, this is pure fucking heaven,” Joel agrees sleepily. “So fuck the rest of the world, let’s just stay here forever, or at least for the rest of eternity.”

My breath catches in my throat.

Forever. Eternity.

Those words had ceased to exist in my vocabulary.

Just a short while ago, we were in mortal danger.

We nearly died.

Now we’re safe.

But the sad truth is, ours can never be a long and happy symphony. Ours, mine, will be but a short song. There will be no happy ever after. A short and sad song of love.

I can no longer delude myself about being in love with Joel Sadger. Of course I am, I never stopped loving him after he left all those years ago, not for a single second. That’s why I was compelled to find him, once I had some justification for seeking him out. Now, despite my deception, he’s become my husband.

Our beginning was written in the stars, but our ending has never been revealed.

Until now.

My newfound revelation means exhausted as I am, sleep eludes me.

Despite our escapade, Joel gets up at his regular early hour. I pretend I’ve just woken too, that I haven’t spent a sleepless night. We head down for breakfast ahead of his regular daily meeting with the ranch hands.

“Do you really have to go? After everything that happened last night, surely you can take some time off…” I’m trying to persuade him, using soft kisses all over his jaw as a bribe and also as a promise. Because now I’d give him so much more in our bedroom.

He gently interrupts me by caressing my lips with his thumb. “My love, there’s no choice, I have to get to work. Life on the ranch doesn’t stop just because we had a shitty night. Won’t achieve anything sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, not when we’re running on minimal staff and our livestock need feeding no matter what.”

Hell, I know he’s right, but it still sucks that he can’t stay with me just this one time. I busy myself fixing some coffee and a quick breakfast. Knowing my time with him is limited, I want to grab every possible moment.

“Well, aren’t you two the early birds,” Fermin comments as he wanders in and steals the coffee pot out of my hand. He’s very chipper considering it’s early and he’s not usually a morning person. “Ah, coffee, just what I need.”

At least Joel no longer seems so resentful of him, although I still don’t think he’s figured quite what to make of him yet. Which is understandable, considering I’ve never known anyone like Fermin either.

“If you knew what kind of a night we had, you’d get why we’re up so early this morning,” Joel comments as we sit down at the table.

Fermin covers his ears with his hands.

“Too much information! I’ve no wish to hear any of the gory details of what you two got up to after you snuck away,” he protests.

“You know, for a man of the world, your buddy Beau Brummell sure is prudish, isn’t he?” Joel winks, pointing at him with his thumb.

“Trust me, prudish is the last description anyone should use about me,” Fermin snorts with laughter as he continues their friendly banter. “And may I say how pleasantly surprised I am that an ignorant cowboy like you can reference Beau Brummell.”

“Told you he would love it,” I grin at Joel, wishing I had my phone to take some pictures of them bonding as Fermin hoots with laughter.

“You do know that man is in love with you,” my friend confidently asserts, the moment we’re left alone on the porch, preparing to carry on with our house painting duties.

Before he left, Joel did his utmost to try and persuade me to go back to bed, and any other time I would have gladly acquiesced to his order, but today I really don’t want to be left brooding alone. I thought I could safely rely on Fermin to distract me, perhaps with some tawdry tale of what he got up to last night. But annoyingly, that seems not to be the case, as Joel is his preferred topic of choice.

“He is not. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I scoff.

This conversation has quickly turned to the very subject I wanted to avoid. I’d rather Fermin talked about who he hooked up with last night, or Italy, the latest Milan fashion show, anything else. Just not my relationship with Joel.

“I would bet my reputation on it.”

“You don’t have a reputation… at least not one worth worrying about,” I say tartly.

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