Page 54 of Dear Daisy

‘Winter?’ Dan’s voice seemed much further away than it should. He was crouching next to me, I could feel his hand on my shoulder. ‘The ambulance is on its way.’

‘I could see it happening,’ and my voice sounded as though I was still back there. ‘I couldn’t stop it.’

‘It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.’

A drumming of hooves as the horse circled in, panicked by all the activity and still alarmed from Scarlet’s sudden appearance and disappearance by the sideways set of his ears. I looked up and met its rolling eye. ‘Can you make sure he doesn’t trample her?’ My voice sounded small, as though there wasn’t enough breath for words and to keep Scarlet breathing. In. Out. The tiny movement that was the expansion of her lungs.

‘Winter.’ Dan’s hand again, on my arm this time. ‘Come over here.’ Gentle pressure, but I pushed him away.

‘No! I have to stay! I have to keep her breathing!’

But Dan was made of metal now. No longer flesh and bone and kindness, he dragged me towards the fence. ‘The ambulance is here, they need space to get her out. Come on, Win, take it easy.’ He cupped his hands either side of my face, forced my head up so that I was looking at him rather than the figures now on the grass either side of Scarlet’s body. ‘Come on, look at me. Look at me, Winter, hush now.’ Soothing words delivered at a steady, even rate as though he were calming an animal. ‘Ssshh. They’re getting her to the hospital now, they’ll do everything they can there. Better away out of this field, yeah?’

I didn’t really register him coming in close, I was still shocked into perceiving images in a kind of blur which meant nothing. But he was right up against me, the fabric of his shirt silken against my face as he walked me into an embrace, the warmth of his body taking some of the chill from my bones and the way he locked his arms tight around me helped to steady some of the shivers that were rocking the length of my spine. ‘I need . . . I need to be there at the hospital . . .’

‘Yeah, ’s okay, we’ll sort this.’ Dan’s voice was an echo in my head. I heard him speak to someone over his shoulder. ‘I’ll drive over behind the ambulance. Nah, we’re not family but there are reasons. She needs to be there, I think, for her sanity.’

‘Alex,’ I murmured, as the shakes spread to my legs and gravity increased its hold on the rest of me, trying to pull me down to the earth. Dan increased his hold.

‘Mr Moore is on that. Lucy’s going round to fetch him.’

‘She fell, Dan. One minute she was there and everything was all right and the next minute she was on the ground.’ My breath was catchy little snags in my throat, not enough to live on. ‘And there was nothing I could do.’ He was holding my entire weight now as the earth sucked at me, wanting me to join all those bodies under those stones beneath the dark shroud of soil in those graveyards.

‘Winter.’ His voice was sharp. ‘Concentrate. This is Scarlet. She’s young and the young tend to be bouncy, so stop seeing the worst in the situation. Come on, they’re taking her to Newcastle, the Royal Victoria or somewhere, and we need to follow the ambulance because I have no effing idea how to get there otherwise.’ Cautiously he removed his support until I was standing alone. ‘Alex is going to be destroyed if anything happens to that little girl,’ he said, half to himself. ‘You need to keep the party face going just a bit longer, can you do that?’

I took a deep breath. ‘I need to talk to Daisy.’

‘Not now.’ He snapped the words.

‘Dan, I need to.’ My sister would talk sense. She’d tell me that Scarlet was going to be fine, that the hospital would be able to fix her. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d say that nature had to take its course, that perhaps Scarlet was unfixable.

‘Later.’ His voice had softened. ‘Later, Win. You can speak to her when we get to the hospital, when we’ve got an idea of what’s happening, okay? Now, come on, because that ambulance isn’t going to wait and I went to Newcastle once and it confused the hell out of my GPS.’ He smiled, and when I saw the smile I realised how hard this was for him. Not just what had happened to Scarlet, but my wanting Daisy. Even now — I could almost hear him say it — even now you’d rather turn to your sister than to me.

I let him lead me out to the road and we got into his car, starting up as the ambulance passed us with its lights flashing. The sight made me feel sick.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Daniel Bekener @EditorDanB

In the hospital hoping for the best.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Relocation

Sorry, mate, going to be a bit held up. There’s been an accident, we’re just waiting for news now. I’ll be heading back to town soon as we know what’s happening.

Want to ask a quick favour — can you put the word out and see if anyone up this end of the world is hiring editors? I know there’s somewhere in Newcastle — it’s about 40 miles from here to there. I mean, not to spring this on you, but I’m thinking of, maybe, taking some more time up here. There’s this kid, she’s the one who’s been in the accident, and I’ve got quite fond of her. Whatever happens with Winter and that’s not looking good, mate, I mean she’s good for turning the book in — I’ve had a quick read through and I think we could be sitting on a gold mine there — personally though she’s a mess but I might stick around up here anyway. I can still work for Shy Owl, I mean, come on, you don’t need my face around the office, just mail me the stuff! I just think it’s about time I started to think about a future, and here is as good a place as any. I can be down with Beth in a couple of hours on the train if she needs me. Done it a couple of times from here, it’s fine.

I’ll be coming back to sort stuff out, maybe rent out the flat, check in, start the publicity machine up for Winter’s book, and then . . . think I just need a complete change, you know?

Dan

‘We’re just waiting,’ I whispered. ‘Alex and Margaret are in with the doctor now. She’s got to be all right, Daze, she’s got to.’

I glanced quickly over my shoulder to where Dan was sprawled across three plastic chairs in the waiting area. He’d draped his coat over himself and closed his eyes but I had the horrible feeling that he was awake and listening.

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