Page 49 of Dear Daisy

‘B-but I’m not Daniel,’ Alex said, with complete certainty.

‘NO!’ I shouted the word and it seemed to be absorbed by the wood, as though nature wanted me to retract. ‘No, it’s not that. It’s not him. It’s me, Alex. I’m . . . things are . . .’

Alex sat down at the table, still naked. He rested his elbows on it and put his head in his hands. ‘I sh-shouldn’t h-have got involved,’ he said, quietly. ‘M-my fault. D-Dan said you w-were fragile. I g-got carried away.’ Then, with a touch more humour warming his tone, he added, ‘Y-you’re fucking g-gorgeous.’

Despite myself, I almost smiled. ‘Thank you. And thank you for,’ I motioned with one hand, the other still clutching at my dress, ‘for not pushing it. You’re a gentleman.’

‘L-Lucy might d-disagree,’ he said, still keeping his face covered with his hands. ‘Dan—’

‘Look, he’s not . . . what else did he say about me?’

Alex looked up now. ‘He said there were th-things about you that I d-didn’t know. Th-that you weren’t qu-quite what you s-seemed to be. That you are c-clinically d-depressed and not really c-capable of making d-decisions.’

‘And I am going to kill him,’ I muttered through tight lips. ‘He’s wrong. He’s got himself messed up and he’s trying to transfer a lot of stuff he thinks onto me. It’s Dan that has the problems . . . did he tell you about his sister? That she got injured crashing his car?’

Alex nodded. ‘Y-yes.’

‘Well, then.’ I relaxed my hand a fraction and Alex’s eyes swung back to my body as the dress revealed a little more than I wanted revealed. But, to his credit, he soon pulled his eyes back up to mine and he made no move to come out from behind the table. ‘Dan’s got problems and it kind of manifests in a personality disorder where he transfers his feelings onto someone else. It helps him to cope with life.’

‘But y-you have to admit h-he was r-right about y-you. H-having problems? Otherwise . . .’ He made a movement with his hands to indicate both of us and our various states of undress. ‘. . . w-what just h-happened?’

‘I changed my mind. That’s all. I thought I wanted . . . wanted sex. Then I realised I didn’t. It’s not you, Alex, you’re lovely, but . . .’ I stopped and shook my head. ‘It wasn’t right.’

To my relief Alex smiled. ‘O-okay.’ Then he looked down and the rueful expression was back. ‘Y-you’d b-better get back. I h-have to get in the sh-shower with some s-soap and a good imagination.’

‘Thanks.’ I thought about giving him a cheek-kiss goodbye, but he was still stark naked, aroused and not a saint, so I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand and smiled. ‘Maybe I’ll see you around?’

‘Y-you’d b-better.’ Alex stayed sitting, very firmly. ‘S-Scarl will w-want to sh-show you the new f-family.’

With my coat covering the dress and my mouth still full of the taste of Alex, I walked home through the chilly, empty streets of Great Leys.

Chapter Twenty

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Talk to pupils about writing

Dear Miss Gregory

I’m thrilled that you have offered to come and talk to the children of Great Leys School about your writing career. As Mr Hill has, I hope, informed you, we would be delighted to see you on Friday afternoon, from 12.30 onwards. Please come to reception and you will be escorted into school. As you write for adults, we trust that you will keep in mind the young age of your audience in school and understand that sales of your book within the classroom would not be appropriate.

Thank you for giving up your valuable time in the interests of education.

Yours

Neil Moore

Head Teacher, Great Leys Primary School

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: I don’t know. Embarrassment?

I know, I know. Believe me, I feel like a total tit right now. All that bollocks I spouted before about ‘taking things slowly’ and ‘just being friends’ and one glass of wine and I threw that lot over the wall. See why I don’t drink often? I pushed it too far, pushed you too far. I suppose . . . I suppose what it was I wanted you to know is just how hot you really are; I never meant it to go to the wire like that.

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