Page 64 of Torn In Two

I watched her go, hating she was beating herself up. I put water on to boil for the pasta, reheated the sauce, and baked the garlic bread until it was toasty and golden. When it was all ready, I spread everything out on the countertop, made up a tray for Kara and set it aside, and then went around knocking on all the bedroom doors, rounding up as many people as I could so the food didn’t go to waste.

I knocked on Hawk’s bedroom door and yelled out that food was up but didn’t stick around to see if he came out. I took my bowl of pasta to my bedroom and closed the door.

The kittens pounced on me, only interested because I had food, but I wasn’t sharing it with them. I put mine down long enough to squeeze some pouches of cat food into their bowls, and then took mine to my bed, sitting back against the pillows.

Kara had said something earlier in the day that I couldn’t let go of.

“Don’t you know you’re my hero? One day, you’ll be hers too.”

I couldn’t deny that I wanted that. I’d rekindled the connection between me and Kara, but she wasn’t the only person I needed to consider if I wanted her in my life.

Her and Hayley Jade were a package deal. From the minute I’d held that little girl as a baby, my heart had expanded to include her. It was impossible not to. She’d been born right into my hands. Taken her first breaths in my arms.

Staring down at her tiny face had altered something in my chemistry, and I’d never recovered from it. Never forgotten her. Never wanted to.

But she didn’t have the same connection to me.

I shoved a forkful of pasta into my mouth and chewed it while using the other hand to type on my phone.

Sign language for beginners.

Hundreds of videos sprang up, and I watched some while I ate, setting my bowl down on my lap so I could try to follow along with the way the instructor’s fingers moved.

I mastered the letters H and J, though remembering the rest of the alphabet was definitely going to take more than a night’s practice. I was on my third video when a particular sign caught my eye.

I smiled at it, practiced a couple of times, making a fist and moving it in front of my mouth and chin. Then took my empty bowl to the kitchen, swapping it for two clean ones. I found spoons and then searched the freezer for the tub of ice cream I knew was in there behind bottles of vodka and frozen peas.

With two loaded-up bowls in my hands, I made my way to Hayley Jade’s room and knocked one of them against the wooden door. “It’s Hayden. Can I come in?”

The door opened, and Kara gazed up at me, a wobble in her bottom lip. “We’re having a bit of a tough night.”

Hayley Jade was splayed out on her bed, face down on the mattress. She didn’t lift her head when I came in and Kara closed the door behind me.

“She didn’t want to play. I’ve just been reading stories but…” Kara shrugged. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Can I try?” I whispered.

She nodded quickly. “I’d be grateful.”

I cleared my throat. “Hey, Hayley Jade? I’ve got two bowls of ice cream here. One for your mom…I was going to give you the other one, but it looks like you’re sleeping.”

Kara took one bowl from my fingers, and we both watched Hayley Jade on the bed.

She didn’t move.

Dammit. I’d been so sure ice cream would work, but she hadn’t even twitched. I gave it one more shot. “I put all this chocolate sauce on top, but it’s okay if you don’t want it. I definitely like this flavor so I can eat—”

Hayley Jade’s head whipped up. Her big eyes were wide and red-rimmed like she’d been silently crying.

My heart damn near fucking broke. I just wanted to scoop her up and hold her. Rub her back and tell her I was going to make everything better.

I couldn’t promise everything. But perhaps I could give her this one small thing.

“Do you want some…” Shifting the bowl to my left hand, I made the sign for ice cream that I’d just learned. It looked very much the same as licking a cone, only the video had said you didn’t need to stick your tongue out. I tried to explain it to her. “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. At least not with your mouth. You can talk with your hands. If you want ice cream, you can move your hand like this, and then your mom will know what you need.”

Hayley Jade cocked her head to one side.

Slowly, she made the same sign I had.

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