Page 50 of Home to Me

There was silence on the other end of the line. Lauren wondered if the call had dropped.

“Karina? You still there?”

“I'm here. Sorry,” Karina answered. “Just processing. So, I have a couple of questions.”

“Shoot.”

“First of all—have you asked him what's going on?”

“No. God, he's in his room with her right now. I'm not going to just knock on the door and burst in there,” Lauren said indignantly, leaving out the part where she had considered doing exactly that.

“Not about the girl, you goofball. About all of it. About the sudden one-eighty in personality.”

“Well...no. I mean, I'm not going to get down on my knees and beg him to treat me with common courtesy.”

“Yes. Of course, you're right, Lauren. That's exactly what I suggested. It's uncanny how you can read my subtext. When I wondered if you’d asked him what was going on, of course what I meant was that you should prostrate yourself in front of him and beg for basic human kindness.”

Lauren sighed. “Point taken. So, no. In answer to your question, I haven't asked him what's going on.”

“Okay, well, since we don't have his input, then we're gonna have to do a little Matlock on the situation.”

“A little what?”

“Matlock. You know. We're gonna have to do some detective work.”

“Matlock was a lawyer.”

“He also detected things. Oh my God, you are the worst person to have a relationship talk with, ever. Either you're picking apart my pop culture references or I'm having to strain to hear you while you whisper over running water. If this is what I'd be dealing with, I'm rethinking starting that advice column. How about Columbo? Rockford? Father Dowling? Do those television detectives meet with your approval?”

“Um...I feel like, if those are the references that immediately spring to mind for you, perhaps you spent far too much time watching television with your grandmother growing up.”

Karina snorted. “Play me in Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit sometime and we'll see who's laughing then.”

“Touché. Now back to my situation?”

“Okay, so when was the last conversation you had when he was being completely nice?” Karina asked.

“Let's see. I guess...it was when we were driving home from the airport, coming back from Aspen.”

“Okay. And what was that conversation about?”

“Well, he was being sweet, actually. Really sweet. In fact, he even asked me to go to the Hometown Heroes Ball with him.”

“Uh-huh. So what did you say?”

“Well, I told him that I already had plans to go with a friend.”

“What?! Oh my God. Binzer!”

“What? What's a Binzer?”

“Binzer... You know. He was Dan Tanna's sidekick on Vega$. He was always saying dumbass things. Kind of like telling a hot guy you just slept with that you already had a date to a formal function he invites you to? You know. Dumbass things like that.”

“Oh, okay. So we're still doing the television detective thing, then? Awesome,” Lauren said dryly.

“It is awesome,” Karina replied. “When I begin a thread of pop culture allusions, I like to follow it through the conversation. So, listen up, lady. If you want to be promoted up in the hierarchy of ‘Sidekicks to Fictional Detectives Played by Robert Urich’ from Binzer to the far superior Hawk? You’re gonna need to get your head in the game.”

Lauren sighed. “I don't know what you think I should’ve done. I had already told Eric I would go with him.”

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