Page 53 of Double Bucked

“I assumed you were getting a ride.” There’s a pointed edge to his tone.

“Mm. You’d be so lucky.”

The pastor clears his throat. Loudly.

Even the Dagneys go quiet under the narrowed eyes of the man of God.

“Let’s begin,” he says.

16

RANSOM

This is hell.

I can’t sit still, knowing Claire is in pain and there’s not a goddamn thing I can do about it.

Pastor Jones mumbles through his ceremony, but his voice just sounds like a bunch of rocks rolling together. I can’t focus on the words.

I can’t focus on nothing but Claire.

Funny how the town I’ve spent my entire life in changed color the second Claire stepped back in it.

Through the sea of feathered hats and fascinators, I can see the quarter turn of Claire’s face. She keeps her chin up, her eyes straight ahead on her father’s casket. Her bottom lip juts forward, just a bit, but her expression remains hard stone.

She’s the toughest gal I know.

My Claire-Bear.

To others, she might look emotionless. Me? I know what she looks like when she’s grieving. She’s got herself stitched together with pins and prayer, and as soon as she’s somewhere safe, she’s going to shake to pieces.

I want to be beside her. I want to scoop her up in my arms. I want to tell her it’s all going to be okay, but I can’t. I can’t because I’m stuck in the back, and she’s got a James, and I gave up the privilege of taking care of Claire, and now it’s my penance to watch another man do the job for me…and do it badly.

Every time James tries to put his arm on her, Claire pulls away from him.

Guess things aren’t all gravy in paradise.

To top it all off, Jade keeps peeking over her shoulder at me. She’s in one of her moods.

Meaning: she’s angry at her husband and horny for me.

The last thing I needed was my forbidden flame sitting next to my past flame, but ain’t nothing to be done about it now except wait and see if they can keep far enough apart so they don’t combust each other.

I should leave it well alone, but…

I can’t take my eyes off Claire.

I want to hold her hand. I want to rub my thumb over the back of it. I want to tell her it’s all going to be okay.

I want so much, and this longing thumps inside of me like some sick, swollen organ, black and corrupted. If I let it get any bigger, I swear it’s gonna burst and kill me.

Pastor Jones says a few formal words. Then, a few coworkers and partners go up to talk about what a good sort of man Mr. Preacher was.

Finally, the pastor asks if Claire would say a few words.

I can see her stiffen in her chair. Then, slowly, she rises. She drops her purse in James’s lap and steps up to the pulpit.

Everyone is quiet as they wait for Claire to speak.

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