Page 84 of Beyond The Stars

“Mhm.” He shook his head while biting down on his bottom lips. “Hold that shit.”

“I can’t,” she cried, begging for a release.

“I said, fuckin’ hold it, Siasia.” His open hand went across her face, shocking the both of them. Qamar loved aggressive foreplay but never had he slapped a girl while being balls deep in her. That was how he knew, Siasia was his person. There was no shame in anything he did.

She smiled, now fucking him back. “Deeper.”

In bliss, his head went back because looking in her dangerous and tight eyes would unravel him sooner than he was ready.

“Harder.” Siasia yanked his head back down to her. Now eye level, they fucked each other with purpose.

“Oh, you fuckin’ me back, mama? Showing out, trying to make a nigga crazier? Ain’t nothing you can do that’ll make me love you more. I’ll never love you deeper because I love you wholly and with all of me in this very moment. My love will get better but baby, this is the real fuckin’ deal. If you ever wondered what love felt like, this it. It’s hate. It’s lust. It’s fever. It’s cold. It’s me. It’s…” He kissed her, damn near choking her with his tongue. “You.” He slow stroked her out, pulling everything out of the both of them. Emptying himself so deep in her, he knew it had to create a love child.

25

The air in the apartment was thick with tension and the need to speak what was on their heart, but Siasia was being stubborn, and Qamar allowed it—stifling every unspoken word.

Siasia sat on the edge of the couch, her body coiled tight, the flickering sun battling with the clouds, casting shadows that danced across her face and revealing the struggle within her. She wanted to voice the turmoil that churned in her heart, the fears and insecurities that clawed at her, but pride held her tongue captive.

Qamar, on the other hand, watched her with a mix of yearning and pain. His heart aching to bridge the distance between them. He understood the weight of her silence. It was a silence filled with longing and unresolved emotions, each moment stretching into eternity. Sex couldn’t sure this one no matter how much they fucked all over the house the night prior. They were in the big leagues now—only words would suffice. In the big leagues, love wasn’t the star. Love was the coach while compromise and communication were the big two. They got paid the big bucks to score all the points and bring the win home.

He always wanted to give Siasia what she wanted, even if it meant enduring the sharp sting of his own heartache. It was a bittersweet sacrifice, knowing that sometimes love meant standing back and allowing her to wrestle with her demons alone. Qamar felt the sharp edges of his own vulnerability pressing against his chest. The fear of losing her gnawed at him like a relentless tide. Yet, he remained steadfast, a silent sentinel in the storm of her emotions, willing to bear the burden of her stubbornness if it meant she could find her way to the truth.

The room pulsed with unspoken words, a longing for connection that hung in the air, begging for release. Each glance exchanged was heavy with meaning, every sigh a testament to the love that tethered them, even in the moments when they felt worlds apart.

“Talk to me, mama.” His resolve breaking down because this time, he couldn’t give her what she wanted. This time his needs were more important, and life without her wasn’t an option. So, as the man, he had to force her to bring compromise and communication off the bench. They didn’t belong there anyway.

“What do you want me to say? I just want my sister back. Anything else is irrelevant!” she snapped, the bite in her voice showing off her canines.

Qamar didn’t like the tone or dismissiveness in her voice. She was ready to fight about who’s problem was more important when the truth was, they both were equally as important and if they handled shit like adults—as a force, everything could be easily resolved.

“You’re fuckin’ selfish, Siasia. You know that? Of course you do.” He snorted out an unamused laugh. “You’re selfish but mask it as since life dealt you a bad hand, it’s not really selfishness. In your selfish ass mind it’s survival.”

“It is survival!” she yelled. “Newsflash, Qamar while you’ve been living, I’ve been surviving. I can’t deal with this right now.” Siasia stood from the couch, ready to get in her raggedy car and take off. She was ready to run. Her legs itched for the feel of wind whipping past her as she ran. She was a runner.

“‘Cause God fuckin’ forbid, I need you sometimes to make my shit better like I’ve been doing for you since the day I met you.” His stomach churned at the thought of Siasia running. Again.

“I didn’t ask you too though.” Her hands flailed in the air.

His feet moved quick like he was making a play on the field. In her face, he glared down at her. “You never had to! One look in your eyes at the party— I saw you. The you that thought cute clothes, dope hairstyles, and fire pussy could hide from the world. One look in your tight eyes, and I saw me. I saw home. Not the big house you see today, but the home I came from. The broken home in The Jig that my sister made feel warm. The tiny home I was so eager to cramp up in to be close to the only granddaddy I ever had.” His throat tightened, thinking about Javen’s grandfather, Jason, who had a hand in raising all of them in one way or another. “Those fuckin’ eyes,” he pushed his finger into the side of her head. “Those damn eyes called out to me in a forgotten language that only the real ones could hear. Shit was like a trance, and I just had to get close to you. I just had to feel you. It wasn’t your body that pulled my eyes to you that night. It was those fuckin’ eyes I can’t get out of my head.” He turned away with his hands in his locs that were in desperate need of a retwist. Even his line-up had grown out.

“Just don’t walk away from me, mama. Please,” he begged. Qamar was so out of himself that he didn’t even have the energy to wipe away his tears. “I know this ain’t animal life. I got two kids and sometimes I get in my head too bad that I doubt the shit that should be easy.” He punched his hand. “But when I’m with you, I don’t doubt shit. Ain’t no pressure sitting on my chest suffocating me because I don’t think I’m good enough. You give me purpose. Your love gives me strength.”

“Qamar,” Siasia sobbed.

“Man come on.” He wiped away her tears. “Don’t cry ‘cause that shit hurt me too. I’m just asking you… begging you to not walk away from me, mama. What I’m gone do when shit gets too tough? How I’m gone go home if it ain’t there no more?” Qamar poured out his heart, leaving his chest hollow. “Name a song.”

She licked her lips, torn up at the idea of him being torn up. “Crash.”

“Man, what?” He looked her upside the head.

She laughed through turmoil. “No, that’s the name of the song. Crash by Kehlani.” Siasia cleared her throat. “You kiss me like you want to make love to all my fuckin’ demons. And I don’t want to wake up. Baby just lie here and crash, land your love on me.”

His cognac eyes brightened. “What that mean, Mama? You gotta say it.” He bounced on his toes like a kid, waiting for the prize his mama promised him if he did good in school for the week.

“I love you, so much, Daddy. I might be home, but you’re the land I sit on. Ain’t no me without you.”

“And when the world comes for us… when this shit gets tough, ‘cause it will. What then?”

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