Page 74 of Beyond The Stars

“Because we’re going beyond the stars?”

“Now, you get it. It was always supposed to be you. It’s why I’ve been so scared all my life to push myself beyond the limit. They say you don’t understand your purpose until the right person comes into your life. You my person, mama.” His voice was low, laced with conviction, as if the words were a divine promise, echoing with certainty that he would bet it all, knowing he’d win it back tenfold.

“How are you so perfect?”

His head fell forward with a laugh. “When I look in the mirror, I don’t see perfect,” he confessed.

“That’s ‘cause you don’t see you the way we see you. We see you like the second coming of Jesus… God forgive me.” She snickered looking into the sky, before getting serious. “When I look at you, I see everything my mama wanted to feel. It makes me feel a little guilty because this is the type of love I wanted her to witness—want my kids to witness. Now, she ain’t here to see any of it. The man or the kids.” Siasia sniffled, hating the way her emotions went from cool to scorching hot in the matter of seconds. She’d never stop grieving her mama but looked forward to when she found some understanding in it all.

“I think she’ll be a witness to the good nigga I am.” His boyish face lit up.

A part of her reveled in his open admiration of her. She’d never felt anything close to what Qamar made her feel. And she knew she never would again.

A comfortable silence fell over them as she burped Belinay who was already dozing off again.

“I let them down,” he blurted, allowing his heart and mind to speak for once. She didn’t say anything, just allowed him to sit in whatever he needed to sit in as he found the words to express himself. “Like, we ain’t always had a good life, you know? Then, when they all find themselves and create something so magical—something that is the epitome of Black excellence, I fuck it up like a scared little boy.”

“I think they love you regardless. You running from them when all they trying to do is help you.”

His face soured. “I know, mama. I’m just?—”

“Scared. You can say it, Qamar. You will never be less of a man to me. If anything it makes you so much more of a man. I always knew a man that could sit inside himself was what God created when he created Adam. You are my Adam—just for me,” she declared.

“You gone have a nigga crying… you trying to make me cry, mama?”

“If you need to cry, here go my shoulder. I mean, Belinay big but I’m sure she’ll scoot over for her daddy.” She winked.

His heart skipped a beat. “Damn.” He sucked in air. “You look at me like I’m the special one when you’re the one shaking shit up in my world… in a good way. Where have you been all my life?”

“Probably on the pole.”

“Aww, look at my juicy grandbaby,” Stephanie cooed, her voice softening as she stood over Siasia and Belinay, who were nestled together in a peaceful slumber. The room was filled with a gentle hush, a stark contrast to the lively chaos that had surrounded them. They must’ve been exhausted, wrapped in their dreams, completely unfazed by the world around them.

“I don’t like not seeing my grandbabies every day, Qamar,” she complained, hands firmly planted on her hips, her brow furrowed in playful frustration.

Griff wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “You gotta let baby boy leave the nest, baby,” he said gently, trying to soothe her.

“I ain’t trying to hear none of that,” she declared, playfully mushed her husband away. “Wake them up!”

Qamar chuckled, shaking his head, a grin spreading across his face. “Hell no, Ma. I ain’t bout to get cussed out. Belinay kept her up all night. Let my lady sleep.”

“Your lady?” Stephanie's eyebrow shot up, surprise dancing in her eyes. “Ooh, this one special, special.”

Just as Qamar settled back into his thoughts earlier that morning, he heard the unmistakable sound of his mama and stepdad at his door. He had been dodging them since the news broke, anxious about their reactions. But as they crowded into his apartment, he felt a warmth wash over him—he’d missed them.

Rubbing his hands together, he flashed a big grin. “Yea, Ma. Siasia, the one.”

“Hell, I knew that when you brought her into my house at God knows what hour, knowing damn well you just had a newborn with Janay. I can’t lie, I was pissed, but Griff calmed me down and explained that although unconventional, your heart was in the right place. Then, on the ride to Jade City, Ms. Siasia laid it all out for me. I’m proud of you, baby—even if it don’t feel like I am.” Stephanie's words flowed with a mix of love and understanding, wrapping around Qamar like a comforting embrace, making the weight of his worries feel just a bit lighter.

“Me too, baby boy.” Griff pulled Qamar into a loving hug.

The closest thing Qamar ever had to a father was Lunar, French, and Javen. Then when Maverick came into their lives, he became a sounding board for him as well. He was grateful to Griff for not only loving his mama but for also stepping in and loving her kids as well. When he looked over his life, even when shit was all bad, he could still find gratitude for the small pockets of love he often found.

His family was full of unconditional love which reminded him he needed to make shit right with his sister. He had yet to reach out to her and only had a small conversation with French over the last month and a half.

As if his mama could read his mind, she announced, “You better get your lady up because the rest of your family is on the way.”

That pulled a smile on his face that touched his ears.

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