Page 6 of Beyond The Stars

Cynthia met Stacy when Siasia was about seven years old. In the beginning, he was the sweetest and Siasia looked forward to having a father figure in her life. Two years later, the abuse started. Then, Stacy declared he wanted a baby of his own so when Cynthia couldn’t get pregnant, he came home one day with his newborn daughter in his arms, claiming her mother didn’t want her. And like the good southern wife, Cynthia was, she took his oops baby in without question. Her decision fueled by her PCOS and age, making her body struggle to carry a baby of her own for her man. Now, Siasia was twenty; ten years older than Noodle and everything she did, she did it with her little shadow in mind. The plan was to become one of the best photographers in the world and give her little sister the life she deserved.

“Noodle?” Siasia called out into the dark room. She noticed a tiny light under the closet door where they would often go to pretend that life was better than it actually was. It was their wardrobe that took them to Narnia.

“It’s me, Noodle,” Siasia announced as she opened the closet door that was barely hanging on.

Noodle’s bright, innocent eyes peered up from Siasia’s laptop. “Hey.” She smiled as if there wasn’t a live action wrestling match going on in her kitchen.

Squatting to the floor, Siasia crossed her legs before pulling Noodle into her side. “Hey, my girl. You okay?”

“Not really.” Noodle twisted her lips as if Siasia had said the weirdest shit. “But these photos always calm me down and help drown out their bullshit.”

“Noodle!” Siasia snickered. She didn’t agree with her ten-year-old sister cussing but who was she to stop it? Their lives were anything but politically correct.

“He gambled all our money and wants Mama to give him the light bill money to pay off Sleeze,” Noodle filled her big sister in, even though Siasia had already kind of figured it out.

Siasia sighed, her chest deflating. She was tired of their living situation and wished her mother could woman up and leave Stacy but that was too much, right? Cynthia came from a generation where having a flawed man was better than having no man at all. Siasia would never understand it. It was the main reason she didn’t date. She fucked, got paid, then ducked.

“I can give him the money,” Siasia confessed, thinking about the money from Qamar.

“No!” Noodle snapped. “You need that to buy a new camera and get new tires.”

“The one I have, has been working just fine. It won’t hurt to hold onto it a little longer. It’s either that or be without lights.”

Noodle nodded, knowing her big sister—who was also her protector—was right. Their lives weren’t set up in the way to be able to move things around one month to get something you really wanted. Their parents moved shit around every month which meant everything was always on a disconnect notice. Their parents’ room door slammed, which was the universal sign that their fight was over. If memory served Siasia correct, Cynthia was in the room trying to see how damaged her face was, and Stacy was in the living room sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand.

“Stay here, Noodle,” Siasia directed before getting up from the floor.

With her head held high, she marched into the living room.

“Hey, Siasia, I didn’t see you come in.” Stacy smiled like he wasn’t just whooping on her mama.

It was their family’s weird dynamic. Stacy loved Siasia but she couldn’t love him back knowing he kept her mama with permanent black eyes. In the beginning, she loved him so much. Now, it felt like she was betraying her mother even though Cynthia had long ago betrayed her by staying.

“How much is it?” Siasia asked with no time for all the small talk. The more she looked at him the more she wanted to pay someone to off his abusive ass. Stacy sat up in the worn pleather recliner chair that had been dubbed his from the time he bought it.

“What you talking about, baby girl?” he feigned dumb.

Her eyes cut to the sky before she put them back on him. One thing Siasia was going to do was look people in the eyes. Her mama used to joke that she could walk the biggest bitch down with her eyes alone. “How much you owe Sleeze?”

“Don’t worry about that, baby girl. I got the money.”

“So, our lights gone get cut off again?”

“I let you talk to me sideways but that shit is about to stop today, Siasia. I am your father.” He stood up, his height towering over her.

Stacy was a tall man. He stood at six feet, seven inches. Before the monster in him was revealed, she thought he could’ve been a model. She had so many images of him from over the years when he would model for her to practice posing. Now, she saw nothing but the ugly parts of him.

“How much is it?” she asked again. “I have some money so everything can get handled. I will handle it, Stacy.”

“I used to love when you called me daddy. You know I love you like you’re mine, right?” Stacy’s wet eyes almost made her believe him but flashes of his fist print on her mother’s face tarnished any good feelings she once had for him.

Seeing she wasn’t for his bullshit, he confessed, “Three grand.” Shame washed over his face.

Siasia turned to the front door to retrieve the money. When she came back in the house, she slammed the money on the worn plywood coffee table in the middle of their matchbox living room. “This should be enough to keep your hands off my mama for the next week.”

There was no thank you or head nod from Stacy. She was used to the encounter. Anytime she made money it was often handed over to Stacy to help pay his debts that he always seemed to have or pay bills. There was hardly ever any money left over for her to enjoy. The whole dynamics in the house was weird because Stacy was a good dad to Noodle. Noodle loved him so much. They often spent time together just the two of them. For that, Siasia never made a big fuss about footing the bill for everything when there was two able bodied adults in the house. When it came to making sure Noodle was happy and healthy, she kept a lot close to her chest.

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