Page 70 of The Billionaire's Pact

There was something magical in this faraway place.

The closeness of our bodies and the warmth of his tone had me dropping my defenses.

I was hardly ever hugged as a child and had never felt so bereft of touch.

I cleared my throat. “I don’t…I don’t even give…or receive hugs often. I didn’t expect to…come.”

“It doesn’t happen all the time. I’m glad you were able to with me.”

“What…what was your first time like?” I whispered.

He sighed. “My first time, I was scared I wouldn’t last long enough…and whether I mattered.”

I turned my head and rested my chin on his chest. What he shared was close to what I was feeling, but I hadn’t expected it from Rocco. “Why would you think that? I’m sure you did.”

“I’m not. I always competed with myself to excel, to be the best. That’s what my girlfriend at the time wanted. She wanted what she thought was ‘Rocco Marini.’ I’m not sure if anyone I was with ever did.” His voice was barely audible.

There had been stories written about him since birth. The public scrutiny must’ve been immense. And I hadn’t made it better showing him that space meme. “I’ve behaved awful, too. I’m sorry, Rocco.” He looked puzzled, and I reminded him about that photo.

“What? No, Adelina. I can take jokes. It’s the person’s imaginary image of me that I don’t like. That was the pressure I had when I had sex. I’m better now.”

My hand traced over his nipple. “How did you get past it?”

“I did what felt right. That’s what I want for us, too.” He lifted my hand and kissed my palm.

I appreciated how open he was with me about his experience. However, there was still the other issue we hadn’t fully discussed—birth control. We’d already had sex again, and would need to talk about it. The pressure from my grandparents weighed heavy and a trickle of fear rose, diminishing the afterglow. “Can I ask you something personal?”

His hand rubbed my back. “Of course you can, and I’ll try to answer.”

I braced myself. “Why are you so opposed to children?”

He stiffened under me, and I moved off him and laid on my side, facing him. “Listen, Adelina, I’m not opposed to children; I’m opposed to rushing to have them.”

“Oh,” I mumbled.

“My father was always angry growing up. I mean, he was a real asshole. When I got older, I understood why. He told me he’d met my mom in his arranged marriage a week before the wedding. They married, and she’d had me nine months later.” He rubbed the space between his brows. “Grandpa had told him a happy wife was a pregnant one. Dad was working rich, not wealthy. He had to follow his advice. At twenty-five, he had a wife and kid and wasn’t mature enough to handle it. He resented us all and only mellowed when he could send us off to boarding school. I hated it, hated him.”

I grimaced. “Oh, I see…But surely your mother must’ve had a say in it?” My voice rose a few octaves.

He tutted. “Come now, Adelina. You know better.”

My eyelids lowered. “Yeah, I do.” Too well.

“My mother had to be the good wife, let him rule the house. She missed out on us growing up because my father wanted only the two of them there. He at least let Siena, my sister, spend her high school years at home. Mom loved it.”

“Do you still feel the same way about your dad?” I asked. They seemed to get along at the party.

“Growing up, made me understand him, and I forgave him. He’s now more like a cool uncle than a father in my life. Not sure if he wanted children at all, or at least not so fast.” He was casual in his tone, but I could feel the pain in his words. I could relate to feeling unwanted. Many times growing up I thought Mama’s life would have been better without me. I’d fantasize about her getting away and starting over.

I moved close and laid my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rocco.”

He sighed and hugged me to him. “I’m fine. But that’s why I believe marriage doesn’t mean we need to have kids right away. You’re only twenty-two, and I’m sure you want to enjoy some of your life first. You were just talking about finding a career.”

It was clear Rocco wanted to wait. What if I didn’t have a child right away? What would my grandparents do? I didn’t want them to treat me like they did Mama. She was so sure that, without a child, I left myself vulnerable to their whims. But Rocco was also right; I didn’t have a childhood. I had to grow up fast, working and surviving. I barely even knew myself right now. My child wouldn’t benefit from my naiveté. I need time, even a year, I hope. “Maybe…yeah, perhaps you’re right.” I glimpsed at him, and he let out a deep sigh.

“Then it’s settled. We’ll get birth control. I’ll get one of my aunts to have her nurse meet us at her clinic.” He reached for his cell phone.

I grabbed his arm. “No way are you calling a relative to tell them we’re fucking before our official marriage.”

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