Page 43 of Grave Obsession

“Nox, slow down,” I plead but he doesn’t listen.

“Answer me, Mallory,” he grinds out. His anger morphing his face into someone new and dangerous. I hate that it makes me wet. That him scaring me makes me want to fuck his brains out. I’m so messed up, this is just another reason we could never work. If he ever found out, it would disgust him. I’m a swirling mix of sadness and arousal, I can’t even look at him. I wish he’d just take me back to my car so I can go home.

Again, I don’t get a chance to respond before another inquiry fills the tense silence that is swamping us.

“Were you just using me to make him jealous?” His question leaves me gaping at him like a fish out of water.

Finally finding my voice after overcoming the shock of his words I say, “Is that what you really think?”

“I don’t know what the fuck to think because you’re not fucking telling me anything!” he roars. I see his eyes shoot to the rearview mirror then back to the road as he aggressively crosses three lanes of traffic, merging into the farthest right lane. He takes a sharp right turn, whipping the truck down a dirt road.

“Where are you taking me?” my voice is shaky but I’m trying to be firm. I have no idea where we are now that we’re off the main road. It’s next to impossible to be calm and think rationally when he’s driving so erratically. His profession of being a policeman pops into my head at the most opportune moment and starts to calm my frazzled nerves. He’s not going to do anything drastic.

“Nox?” My voice sounds borderline hysteric but I’m met with his silence, yet again. This is not working. I’m going to have to come clean. His cop radar will pick up on it if I risk lying to him. I think I’ll wait until we’re parked to pour out my shame at his feet though.

“Lennox,” I say his name as soothingly as I can. I need to lock up my emotions and help to calm his whirling tornado of feelings. I remove my seat belt and hesitantly scoot across the bench seat to get closer to him. I gently place my hand on his forearm. He finally looks at me, shocked that I’ve touched him. Another rule of Ghost’s that I’m breaking.

We drive in silence, only the sound of the rocks tumbling beneath us to fill the uncomfortable atmosphere. I move to go back to the passenger seat when his arm wraps around my middle and pulls me flush against his body.

“Stay,” it’s the only word he’s said in at least twenty minutes and I’m thankful for it. The breath I feel like I’ve been holding this entire time whooshes out of me. Finally, I don’t feel so anxious. Content to sit in silence, I rest my head against his shoulder and close my eyes. There’s nothing I can do right now, I made the decision to get in the truck with him. I may as well enjoy these last few moments with him before Ghost finds out and hates me for this. I sink into his embrace as his warmth seeps into me. It’s a welcomed comfort and his taut body relaxes against mine.

The truck slows to a stop as I sit up straight and look around. He’s brought me to a beautiful serene spot in the middle of the wilderness. The afternoon sun is high in the sky and its reflection off the water in front of us is breathtaking. There’s a dock that stretches out into the body of water, it’s bigger than a pond but smaller than a lake. I have no idea what the proper term would be for something like this; it appears to be a low spot where the water from the river gathers and slows substantially, before trickling out into what I know as the creek that turns the power wheel at the Henderson Sawmill. There’s a clearing of tall, wispy grass off to the right. Sporadic impressions from where the local wildlife graze and sleep, safely tucked away from the dangers of civilization. Trees encircle this small secluded slice of heaven and I’m extremely thankful he decided to share it with me before I never see him again.

“Are you ready to talk now?” he gently asks. I’m not, I want to live in this quiet moment for just a bit longer. I feel his eyes boring into the back of my head though, willing me to turn and finish this conversation. I nod and unwrap myself from his embrace. Turning my face to his, I’m rocked by the look his features project. Is he… scared? Oh, Nox, this isn’t what I want at all.

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to hurt you.” My voice is practically a whisper as I try to keep a lid on the collapsing box I’ve stuffed my emotions into.

“Bullshit, Mallory. You cast me aside without so much as an explanation. How else am I supposed to feel?”

“You’re right,” I concede.

“Well, spit it out.” The irritation in his voice has me moving away from him, back to the passenger side, sitting sideways against the door.

“What?”

“Were you using me to make this other guy jealous?” His usually sweet and seductive voice is laced with anger and it rips me apart. I’ve done this to him. It’s my fault.

“No, Nox. I would never.”

“Then what is it? Why am I not good enough?” he pleads, wanting an answer that I’ll never be able to fully give him. I’m rocked to my core over this thought even crossing his mind. How could he even think that?

“That’s not it at all.”

“Stop circling around it and just say it, Mallory.”

“It’s me,” I blurt out. “I’m not good enough.” I have to look anywhere but his face. I guarantee it’s full of pity. I can’t handle that from him.

“Please explain-”

I cut him off, “I’m fucked up. Just a bunch of broken pieces barely holding it together. I’m-”

He interrupts me, “Shut up, I wasn’t finished.”

“Oh.” Damn it, my clit thumps along to the beat of my heart at his dominating persona.

“Please explain to me why you think you get to decide who or what is good enough for me. That is my decision to make. If I want to be with you, then I get to make that choice, not you.”

“I-”

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