Page 22 of Dark Master's Redemption

The thought hits me like an avalanche as I war now, deep inside. My heart knows I love them; I feel its defiant beats, urging me to stop being a fool and go to them. My heart tells me to rise and drink Lucca’s blood, and feel my lovers’ forgiveness for everything I’ve done.

I know I should let their love heal me. I know I should let myself come all the way back from this self-punishing place I’ve found, causing my terrible, hot-and-chill state as everything inside me conflicts.

But I also know I can’t. Neither of them knows the fullest extent of everything I’ve done. Neither of them knows the tormentor, judge, and executioner I had to be for hundreds of years under Emiliana DiClario, with all her terrible desires.

Neither Lucca nor Ariana have ever experienced such horrors; not even for all the brutality Lucca’s endured at his father’s hands, and the pain Ariana feels at never having known her real family.

I have to keep them at bay. I cannot ever let them in to my deepest heart of hearts, where I writhe in constant hell from everything I’ve been. Because some part of me is that, always. Some part of me descended into the coldest place in hell when I thought I was a Vampire, and again when I went Revenant. Part of me is there still, as I slam a wall up around my memories like solid, ten-foot thick steel now.

Lest the truth of what I am break the ones who love me.

But something in me has already been broken by my Revenant state. Once, I could hold my inner steel wall meticulously; I cannot any longer. I feel it break. I feel it twist and rip now, like tissue paper inside my mind, as my urge to reveal everything I am to my lovers overtakes me.

I cannot put it away anymore as it all comes tumbling out. Before I can tell my mouth to shut up, I’m just spilling all the horrors of everything I did while I was under Emiliana DiClario to Ariana and Lucca.

They listen as they sit with me in bed. As some dam breaks wide open inside me, ruined by my Revenant state, I cry. I sob wretched tears into the coverlet as they both gently stroke my back.

And listen as I talk, and talk, and talk.

9

MONSTER

Lucca and I listen, as Quinn tells us the full tale of when he was a Vampire. It’s been hours; still, we sit with him, stroking his back and holding his hand as he talks. We help him drink from our wrists whenever his story lists and his energy flags; gradually, I feel him come back to us as he unburdens himself.

As every atrocity he ever did under the ruthless Emiliana DiClario comes out, we witness. He tells us of every person he tortured and every crime he committed to keep himself and those he loved even the least bit safe under her rule, as I feel the darkness of it all startle even Quinn. He ceases his tale, ending with staking Emiliana that last fateful morning as he lay in bed with her, then takes a deep breath. As he heaves it out, I feel the relief that takes him.

And the wretchedness—that he’s burdened Lucca and me with all of this.

“So. Do you both hate me now?” Quinn says with the most awful sigh I’ve ever heard from him.

Though it’s also the most free I’ve ever heard him.

“I hear your tale of heartbreak and woe, Valerio Incendari.” Lucca’s voice is quiet as he sets one hand on Quinn’s shoulder and grips it, his other hand at his heart. “And I witness you, fully.”

It’s an arcane statement, something I’ve never heard in Fae culture before. But the sincerity of Lucca’s utterance makes Quinn go still. I feel him finally receive Lucca’s and my love, as it flows to him via our bonds with our blood running through his veins once more. His heart beats hard, then settles into its regal, slow beats. Quinn hitches a sigh, then pushes up from the covers.

Sitting up now and hauling the covers around his waist only for comfort, rather than hiding any longer.

“I don’t expect either of you ever to forgive me for what I’ve done.” Quinn glances at us. “Just know that I will writhe in my own hell always, to atone for the monster I was.”

“We don’t want you to atone, Quinn.” I grip his hand, squeezing it. “We want you to heal, and the only way you can do that, is by learning how to forgive yourself.”

“Easier said than done.” A wry smile takes Quinn. It’s only the barest lift of his lips, but I feel deep inside how he’s finally accepting Lucca’s and my love.

I’ll take it.

“Just tell me one thing, Quinn.” Lucca takes Quinn’s other hand and they glance at each other. “Did you like being that Vampire, the person you were under Emiliana?”

“Never.” Quinn shakes his head, as a wrathful fire comes into his eyes—the old fire of his Royal Summer Fae nature. “I never enjoyed abusing the innocent. I only enjoy wreaking retribution on my enemies. Staking Emiliana… I hate to say it, but it was the pinnacle joy of my Vampire life. Until I met and bonded the two of you. Lucca, for the second time.”

“We will not excuse you for everything you did,” I grip his hand, impressing Lucca’s and my position. “But you were the Vampire that situation made you. You got out as soon as you could.”

“I did.” Quinn heaves a deep breath and nods. As he closes his eyes, I at last feel the barest edge of self-forgiveness wash through him. It’s not a cool wave of ease, but a hot sweep of fire that flows through Quinn, cleansing him. A sweet blossom of red-gold flame breathes from him, flowing over the bed and along the floor of the now-dark Moon Dome.

We’ve talked our way through the day, back into the twilight. As the stars and moon come out far above and Quinn’s slow, beautiful fire goes roiling along the floor and bed, I feel everything inside me rejoice.

Lucca brightens also, a beautiful love filling his blue eyes as he watches Quinn’s fire. There’s almost no darkness in Quinn’s flames right now. Something inside Quinn is finally healing, his inner darkness lessening as it gives way to his real Dark Fae nature.

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