Page 83 of Four Times Forever

About an hour ago, I did something I shouldn't have. I went down to the hotel bar and ordered a cocktail. No, not a mocktail.

Death in the Afternoon. Champagne and Absinthe. The large empty bar made it easier to zero in on the opalescent liquid, whispering to me with promises of amnesia inducement. The soft music disappeared in the echoes of my blood rushing through my head like a river. The bartender ceased to exist. Just me, mood lights, empty chairs and stools, champagne and absinthe swimming like a siren in a glass and bottles of liquor smiling at me from the shelves.

Oh, hell. I'd never craved something as much as I craved that sip of alcohol. I brought the glass to my lips, the scent seeping into my nerve endings like essential oils and luring me in like a temptress. I shut my eyes and told myself I'd start again tomorrow, if tomorrow was cruel enough to come. I looked into the vision of Lily's face and apologized to her for not being good enough.

And then, I surprised myself.

I put the glass down.

I'd been questioning that decision ever since as the bottle of water from the minibar in my room only served to frustrate me more. Walking across the room, I opened the blinds and the sliding glass doors. Stepping out on the balcony, I let the air whip into me. At the edge of the balcony, I got a view of buildings one can only see in Europe. It was quiet and yet, I fooled myself into thinking I could hear Lily next door. Closing my eyes against my imagination, I didn't hear the door open.

"You're not going to jump, are you?" Matt came up behind me.

"Fuck." I gripped my chest. "Not intentionally. But if you startle me like that again, I might fall over the edge."

I turned around to look at him and the hickey on his neck jumped out at me. That wasn't there earlier. I knew it wasn't from Ethan or Eric. It pulled me forward.

"Ah, so the sounds I was imagining weren't real then." I reached out and brushed my thumb against it.

Matt shivered.

"I don't know. How long were you standing there, perving for?" His voice went low.

"Not long. I needed some fresh air." I pulled him toward me.

"I'm sorry I left you alone, I just..." He started.

"Oh, I get it." I groaned, burying my nose against the hickey, hoping that I'd be able to smell her intoxicating breath on him. "You've already showered." I noted with a hint of disappointment.

"Yeah, I only came over to see how you were doing." He moaned when I pressed my lips against the mark, imagining her lips on mine.

"I've had better days. But this is the perfect distraction." I sucked on the hickey and he groaned, pressing his body into mine. "Did she mark you anywhere else?" I rasped.

"You'll have to take my shirt off first to find out." His cock pressed up against mine and I gripped his T-shirt, wishing it wasn't such expensive material so that I could rip it off him. I pulled it over his head with ferocity and searched his body for her presence.

Fingering the hairs on his chest and tracing his tattoo, I listened to him pant.

"Not there." He breathed and turned his back toward me.

"Fuck." My knees went weak at the sight of the long nail scratches making welts in his skin. "Those must sting."

"Sweetly." He confessed.

My tongue found the still healing wound and he sighed into me as I pulled it across his skin, following up with kisses.

"Fuck. I'm burning up." He reached behind me to cup my cock beneath my jeans.

This is what I should have been doing, instead of going down to that stupid bar. Thank goodness he was just wearing shorts and I shoved them from his hips. Releasing myself took a little longer as I undid my own belt and unbuttoned my jeans. Killing two birds with one stone, I walked him toward the bed.

"What if I send you back to her with a few marks of my own? Would you like that?" I asked, stepping out of my pants and retrieving the belt.

He nodded. "Yes. Use me. Please."

Ah, shoot. I wrapped my hand around my belt, preparing myself before bringing it down on his backside, warming him up first. He groaned so loud, I was sure anyone passing by could hear it. I smiled at the open glass doors, hoping that the wind would take the sounds back to Lily when I brought the belt down harder this time. He howled and gripped the sheet.

"Are you okay?" I coughed against the rattle in my tightening throat.

"Damn. Yes." He sobbed.

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