Page 9 of Four Times Forever

"Went back in to check on you. The nurse said you stormed out." His voice was gentle, his face kind as he strolled over to me. "You okay after the whole Ryan thing?"

My belly crunched and rumbled. I frowned up into his face as he wrapped warm arms around my waist. My body sighed from the reassuring contact. "I don't think I have any room to judge him after all. I lost it with her, Matt." I groaned and dropped my head, too ashamed of my actions to look him in the eye. I'd been telling them how fragile she was, and that's why I was so emotionally fragmented.

I expected judgment. Instead, I got a slight lower back massage and concern. Man, I loved him.

"What happened?" His blue eyes searched mine as I braved the journey back to eye contact.

"I fucked up. She was just so heartless. Pressed my buttons and I lost it. I was trying to keep it together, I really was. But she kept praising him." I bared my teeth. "And now I don't know if I went too far, if she's going to turn to drugs again to cope with the pain, go back into her catatonic state..."

"Hey, hey." He cupped my face, his thumb strokes soothed me and broke me all at once. Tears started flowing and he hissed, pulling me closer to his lips and kissing me until my body was confused about whether it wanted to cry or scrap sadness all entirely to focus on the thrills he was sending through my body. When I moaned and pressed my body into his, he pulled back with a grin, his cheeks pink. "Better?" He asked.

It was better when he was kissing me. He silenced the storm that was starting to crash over me again.

He ran his hand through my hair, the scar there, healed and its stitches removed. "She's not in her right mind. You shouldn't take her words personally."

"I know. I'm a shit person." I groaned.

"No. You're selfless." He cupped my face. "That's why I fell in love with you, you know? I watched you with her, even though she neglected you, and considered how disconnected I am with my parents. I thought, 'I want some of the goodness Lily has'."

"What are you talking about? You guys are the good ones. Perfect." I swooned, my heart filling from his compliments.

Matt's face tensed and his eyes went dark. It made me wonder what secrets he still hadn't yet shared with me. "Not perfect. Far from perfect."

He couldn't look at me now, but I reached up and mirrored his gestures, cupping his cheek and turning his face back to me.

"Well, you're perfect for me." I smiled.

He smiled back, but it didn't quite reach his eyes.

What was he wrestling with? As soon as I asked myself the question, my mother's ridiculous voice intruded.

'Murderer!' The intrusive voice shouted and I flipped it off, holding him tighter. My parents might have a way of making me question everything good in my life, but I'd only grip these men tighter and refuse to let them go, their voices be damned.

"As I was saying." He directed the attention away from himself, but I leaned into him more, complimenting him with my body if he wouldn't accept my words. He smirked as I let my hands continue a slow dance up his soft grayish-blue T-shirt to loop around his neck. He lowered his head to get me to force my gaze away from his lips and back into his eyes. "You're selfless, but you're also human."

The heaviness found my stomach again.

"You're a woman who has endured too much at the hands of the people who are supposed to love and protect you. You've just been through something horrific." He stroked my head again, his fingers grazing the raised but healed scar. "It's understandable if you lash out every now and then."

"But she's also been through something horrific," I reminded him and myself.

He nodded. "Yes. She has. But you can't be held responsible for whatever happens next. Whether the shock sends her back into a catatonic state or whether she turns back to drugs..."

My heartbeat thudded and I gasped. He took my chin to keep my eyes on his.

"You are not responsible for your mother's actions anymore." A wave hit me. "You can let that go, Lily." A breath rushed from me. "She has a nurse now. She has access to all the medical professionals she may require. Ethan and I will make sure of it." He nodded as my tear-filled eyes questioned him. "You can let go of the guilt and the sense of responsibility. Whether she wants to stay or leave, you don't have to worry anymore about the consequences of her choices. You do what's best for you. You're in your 'focus on Lily' era and we're all here to support you. Your mother will be okay."

That she would be okay was hard to accept. But, letting go of the control over her actions, my actions that might trigger her, that was something I needed to be willing to embrace. I had a choice now. I didn't have to be around her energy if I didn't want to be.

And right now, I didn't really want to be.

"I've made a decision. Will you come with me?" I asked him.

"Of course." He nodded.

Hand in hand, we left the room and I found my mother again sitting by the window, alone, staring deadpan out at the garden.

I gulped. "Are you okay?"

---