Page 54 of Four Times Forever

My hands were trembling, my mind was jittery. His voice was distanced as I stared at the phone. Any moment now, the cops were going to knock on the door and send my parents into a frenzy.

"Eric. Eric?!" Ryan's distant muffle shouted from the phone and I bent over to pick it up, battling nausea. I brought it to my ears. "Are you there?! I couldn't get through to Matt or Ethan. I don't have long. They've confiscated my phone, but I'm going to need you to come get me."

"Get you?" I managed, my throat stinging with the effort.

He was being released. That was a good thing, right? That meant he hadn't said anything yet. There was still time, though, knowing his unpredictable ass these days, anything was fucking possible.

"Alright. I'm on my way." I fell off the sofa in my attempt to get up and I was at the door before I remembered that Lily was upstairs in my room, on her own. If she needed me and I wasn't here, then what?

But if I didn't go get Ryan now, he might have too much time to think and I didn't need to give Ryan too much time to do something stupid. My thoughts were going wild in my head like the speed of a hummingbird's wings, spinning like a fidget spinner, giving me fucking vertigo. I was going to explode. I didn't have time to calm down. I'd only be able to breathe once everything was going well. So, I needed to make sure that Lily was fine, first. Make sure she was sleeping soundly.

I rushed up the stairs, sure that my breath was going to give up on me by the time I got to the door, but I made it, taking my time to open the door and not disturb her sleep. The bedside lamp was on, so I was immediately hit with the image of my mother, hugging her, both of them snoring and tears filled my eyes. From the sight, yes, but also from the massive weight that dropped off my body from the knowledge that they were there to protect each other, hopefully.

It made my decision to leave bittersweet but I knew it was for the best because if the cops showed up...if I brought danger to this doorstep...my parents' peace would be shattered, all the progress they'd made would be flushed away and they'd have to pick up the pieces of their brains and put them back together again.

It was that thought that threw me down the stairs and through the door, doing my best not to gun it and get myself locked up along with Ryan, for running red lights. The amount of effort it was taking for me to control myself had me sweating bullets and by the time I showed up at the police station, I was panting. I took what was left of my fried brain and jumped out of my car.

Dragging one foot in front of the other, I fought off sweat, but my body took the victory. I was damp beneath my T-shirt. My scalp was a bed of moisture. Some of the sweat even trickled down the back of my neck and I wiped it away. Realizing that they'd see the sweat spots beneath my armpits and know I was guilty, I dropped my arms back at my side.

Cops walked past me and I held my breath, counting myself lucky when I wasn't grabbed and handcuffed on the spot. By the time I made it to the desk, I convinced myself that they hadn't identified me yet since they were so busy. Heads bowed over notepads, phones ringing non-stop, cops discussing cases or dinner orders with their partners as they headed toward the exit, disordered detainees acting up. Night-time looked to be their busiest time of the workday. Not that I would know. I didn't make a habit of coming into police stations.

"Hi..." I cleared my throat when it was my time to speak. The cop looked at me straight-faced and emotionless, as if he'd rather be anywhere but here. "I'm here to collect my..."

"What? Speak up, sir. I can't hear you." He commanded.

I wasn't aware I was whispering, but as I cleared my throat, the raspiness made it clear that I'd lost my voice in all the internal chaos.

"I'm here to pick up my friend." I projected.

He waited. I waited. I wondered how long someone could hold their breath before they passed out. I must have been breathing, but my lungs were so constricted and heavy, it didn't feel possible.

"And what's that friend's name?" He flicked me an impatient glance.

Was it too late to walk out?

My lips trembled like I was a teenager having my first kiss. My forehead felt like handsome Squidward's chin, as if my brain was swollen to capacity and it was about to tear my skin apart and walk out. Ka-dunk, ka-dunk, ka-dunk was the weight of my pulse.

"Ryan," I gulped. "Ryan Cranston."

My eyes slammed shut when I said his name, and I half-expected alarms to start blaring and a SWAT team to come running out telling me to get on the floor and put my hands behind my head.

"Okay. Have a seat. He'll be out in a minute," the officer said instead.

My breath rushed out of me, but it wasn't long before it was seized again. I kept checking my phone. It was the longest five minutes as I sat and tried not to shake my feet or tap my fingers. My asshole squeezed shut when I saw a disheveled Ryan walking toward me. His T-shirt had stained wet spots and was stretched as if he had spent hours tugging at it. His eyes looked like he'd been breathing in weed smoke for just as long as he'd left the house. I didn't even know what the hell he was doing all the way out here, an hour's drive from my family house. There was no way he had walked this far.

I wanted to hug him and knock all his teeth out, and I tried not to snarl at him as we left the station. I couldn't believe it when we got in the car or when we were allowed to drive away. Ryan groaned and reclined the seat.

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" I whipped around to look at him.

"Can we not do this now? I fucked up. I know. Who's surprised?" He rubbed his forehead.

He was out of his fucking mind. He had to be, to be acting as if I was the one bothering him. "Did you say anything?" I gritted my teeth.

"Oh, yeah. We had a long conversation about how me and my best friends made a deal with a mob boss and that deal backfired on us when we had to kill the two people who kidnapped our lover. They were so pleased with my honesty, because it's so refreshing of course, and they decided to reward me by letting me out with a warning. But if I kill again, I'm going to be in big, big trouble. So no more killing for me. What do you think?" He scoffed.

Heat swelled within me as I turned to look at him. If I wasn't driving this car, I would have lost my resolve and punched him. I was sure of it.

"I wanted to, though," he added.

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