Page 46 of Four Times Forever

Chapter 36

Eric

It was dark by the time my father's nurse pulled him inside for his dose of medication. My eyes were heavy as fuck, and my feet dragged on the way back inside the house.

I couldn't tell him.

The moment I came downstairs and looked into my father's beaming face, I knew I couldn't ruin it. The last time I was here, his face was dragging more than my feet. Both he and mom were shells of the people they used to be. It was almost as if they were different people now. Sitting with him today, out back on the beach, took me back to the few memories I had as a child, hanging with my father and the other soldiers whenever he wasn't deployed. Until now, I'd forgotten about those memories of us gathered, talking about the war, other kids hanging with their fathers, seated in a circle, gazing up in wonder as our parents recounted stories.

It made me more sure that coming here was a fucked up idea. I was so set on the idea from the get-go, even before this new scare, that I ran with it, for better or for worse.

So many scares lately. I hadn't had a moment to breathe in what felt like forever.

After staying with them for a couple of weeks and seeing how fucked a state they were in, almost losing them, almost losing Lily, having them risk everything to save Lily and seeing how much better they were doing since then, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I took that happiness he'd found away from him.

I wouldn't want to.

My mind was made up. I didn't know how we were going to protect ourselves and Lily, but we were going to have to find another way.

Tomorrow.

Right now, I needed rest. And Lily.

I'd neglected her all day, and there was this weight on my shoulders, even as I entered the living room and thought about putting on a persona for her again. The weight was lifted, however, when I heard my mother's laugh and saw Lily speaking to her animatedly about something over apple pie and tea. For a second, it was like a breath of fresh air as I allowed myself to hone in on a moment, rather than the whirlwind of thoughts that had been working together to throttle me as punishment for my crimes. Soon, I was slammed again with a taste of the guilt I'd feel if my mother was robbed of her laugh once more. I was an awful son. An awful boyfriend.

Chapter 37

Lily

"Oh, there he is. The star of the moment." Mrs. Fletcher's voice rose in adoration as she caught sight of her son. My heart skipped a beat. We had spent the past several hours talking about her life in the army, being a wife, a mother...and about Eric. Stories of him as a kid, expressions of regret, the sweet way he showed up for others and was always the one who saw the silver lining, who painted the colors into the rainbow. And his loyalty to the ones he loved. How much he loved.

It took me back to high school, the first time we met. Everyone else thought I was weird, but he was obsessed with me until I had no choice but to give in to his charms. Okay, he wasn't obsessed. He was sweet and kind, and didn't give up easily despite the closed doors around my heart. I was reminded all over again about the reasons I fell in love with him. He was the sunshine to my dark gray skies.

Even though I knew he must be as affected by what happened to me as Ryan was, he still fought every day to look at the positive side of things. There was a part of me that hurt because of it. Because I wanted him to be able to let his guard down too, to not have to be so strong all the time.

With the way his mother spoke of him, it confirmed everything I first believed to be true about him, before my mother's words infected my thoughts. There was no way someone so good could kill.

But if he did...

If my mom were right after all, I knew he would have only done it because he loved as hard as he did. Just like his friends did, because like attracts like and he attracted good people who were just like him. Was that so wrong?

The question caught me off guard and I reeled back. Ew, what kind of person did that make me? Of course it was still wrong. For a person to resort to murder, unless it was self-defense, there must be something not completely good and safe within them. Something I wouldn't want to be around.

I didn't want to think about that right now.

I only had proof of Eric's kindness.

His parents, they were hardened by the harsh things they'd had to face in life, but they kept overcoming difficulties. They were wholesome and nothing like the families I'd grown accustomed to seeing, hearing stories about on repeat from women who were in similar situations as myself. This was like what going to Disneyland for kids must feel like. Caught up in a haze of fantasy and hope, where anything and everything was possible. His parents inspired me. And if they could have that kind of effect on me after being in their presence for less than a day, how much greater could their effect have been on Eric?

"You okay?" His thumb across my cheek shook me out of my reverie.

"Huh?" I smiled up at him.

"I was asking if you're ready to go to bed, but you've just been staring at me, smiling." He grinned. "Tired, huh?"

I swallowed and touched his hand against my flushed cheek. I leaned further into it. "Yeah." I cleared my throat and stood up. "I'm ready for bed."

He slipped his hand in mine and looked over at his mother. "No worries, mom. We're not all going to share a bed in your house. The other guys are going to stay at a hotel. And I'll be just downstairs if you need me."

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