Page 39 of Four Times Forever

Ryan let out a sigh and pulled his phone out. When he saw Tyler's name, he lost his breath. Like, literally. Struggled to breathe, face puffed up like he was suffocating, pupils tiny, eyes wide with panic, gripping his chest. He made eye contact with me, but my vision was blurring. Fight or flight, I was frozen to the spot. It wasn't until the therapist moved toward him and started to regulate his breathing that I was able to step away.

"I'll take this outside." I mumbled over the roaring blood pummeling my ear drums.

Tyler's message crashed into me like a train and when I stepped back into the room, I was numb.

Ryan looked at me, but the sounds in and around the room were muffled. The therapist's head turned to me in slow motion.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I swallowed hard and bit down on my tongue to make sure I hadn't swallowed it. Words didn't find me right away.

"Can you hear me? Nod if you can hear me." She echoed.

Did I nod? I wasn't sure.

"Did you just receive some bad news?" she asked.

I turned to Ryan and I was surprised by my own voice. "We've got to go. Now."

"What's wrong?" Ryan gasped between breaths.

"Hold on a minute." The therapist halted us. "You still have twenty minutes left in your session.

Are you sure you don't want to talk about the message you just received?" she said.

"Ma'am. This is an emergency. Ryan, come on. Let's go." I urged him, hoping I hadn't received the message too late.

As soon as I thought about whether or not Eric and Ethan were with Lily, if she was safe, my blood rushed back to my brain and I started calling her number. Nothing.

"Okay, wait. Hold on. If you're going to go. You, sir, are in a bad state." She gestured to Ryan who could barely stand up straight. "I'm going to write you a prescription for anxiety meds. Fill it as soon as you can."

"Thank you." Ryan took the paper and I grabbed him, hurrying out the door.

"What's the matter?" He panted.

"I'll tell you once we get your prescription filled. Damn it. Someone pick up!" Ethan answered. Thank goodness.

"I know. I got the message. I'm heading over to the house now," Ethan rushed before I could say anything.

"You're not with her?! Is Eric with her?" I yelled.

Lily

"Guys! Are any of you going to help with these bags?" I called out, dropping the keys over the hook and kicking the door shut.

I had gone into town to shop for Eric's parents, but I got some more stuff for myself instead. All I kept thinking about while I was out was that it was Ryan's first therapy session today and wondering how he was coping—if he even made it through the door. Every time I thought about calling him, I worried he'd react just the same as he had that night. Then I'd see a color I liked, think about someone wearing it or how it made me feel, and imagine a painting with that shade. So, I'd go shopping for it and more art stuff. A few pairs of shoes. Baby gifts for Anne. A couple of things for the guys. And before I knew it, my trunk was filled with bags, and nothing for Eric's parents.

It was hard knowing what to pick up for them, since I didn't know them. I didn't come from a gift-giving family. Didn't have the luxury of money to get much of anything for anyone else. Thankfully, Ann-Marie loved the stuff I'd paint on a mug or for her wedding, the gift voucher I got because I hadn't had a lot of time to paint anything while taking care of my mother.

A onesie peeked out of the shopping bag and I was giddy over all the cute baby clothes I got for her kid. Gender neutral stuff. And some pink and blue stuff too, just in case. Tiny little socks, baby bottles, stroller and diaper bag. So stinking cute. Yeah, I smiled to myself, I'll be content enough in the godmother role. I couldn't wait to meet that kid and watch the joy it brings Ann-Marie and her husband.

I even got a pregnancy pillow for her and comfy slippers. I knew she could afford it now, but there was a time when neither of us could. If she already had this stuff she could donate it. I was just happy to be able to do this. This was also a dream I could have never dreamed up, myself.

There was a time in my life when I would've hated attributing this win to a man. I'd rather have struggled than accept help from their species. But here I was, blooming with gratitude that I found them. And wariness that the good stuff comes with the bad and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Again.

Sighing, I dropped the bags on the floor. I'd get to unpacking them after. For now, I kicked off my shoes and headed over to the couch where I flopped back and pulled out my phone to call Matt. I might not be ready to talk to Ryan, but I was glad I had Matt to speak to.

When I pulled out my phone there were missed calls like crazy and a few voicemails. One was from an unknown number. The strangeness of it let me click on that one first.

---