Page 30 of Four Times Forever

He was propped up on his elbows, lying on his side and staring at me. "Missed me?" he asked.

Something gave, and my body moved.

I rolled over to the other side and smacked into Terry. "Aw. Did you think you got rid of me?"

I jumped awake in a pool of sweat, still unable to scream as my tongue became too heavy inside my mouth. But there was no sight of the two nightmares. My body shook and my thoughts went crazy.

It was so real, I wondered if they were really here. I'd never been scared of monsters hiding under my bed, but now I was frozen in the middle of the bed, afraid that if I swung my legs over, each of them would grab one and pull me under. The closet door was ajar. Had I left it like that? Disoriented, I freaked myself out into thinking that I saw a pair of eyes looking back at me.

I grabbed my phone without thinking, and Matt's contact popped up first from when I'd called him to let him know that my mother was leaving. Then I remembered that he was by the guest house with Ryan. And all the memories of the reason why I was sleeping on my own in the first place came rushing back.

I grabbed my pillow closer and sobbed into it.

Chapter 23

Lily

Want to fall asleep? Cry your eyes out. That will work. You'll be so drained, your eyelids will be too heavy and shut on their own. I didn't have a clue when I managed to fall asleep, but I was grateful as hell that it happened. I didn't have a second nightmare, so that was good. According to my phone, it was past midday, so yay?

Showered, I could either stay in my room and starve all day, or square my shoulders up and face the music. Dragging my ass to the kitchen, the scent of breakfast food tempted my rumbling tummy. I considered forgiving them just to get a bite. Besides, that day I was too tired to be wary.

At the kitchen's entrance, my eyes met with Ethan's.

"Hey!" He put his coffee down. "How did you sleep?"

"Fine." I lied.

My eyes drifted off toward the source of the delicious aroma and there was Ryan.

I gulped. He spun around to look at me, then back at the eggs in the pan. Stove off, he started walking toward me. I noted his trimmed beard and shaved head but backed away as a knee-jerk reaction. He stilled.

Ethan stepped in front of me. "I only allowed him back in the house because he says he's going to start turning his life around."

Ryan fought back tears and my heart broke.

"Last night shouldn't have happened, Lily. Please, can I talk to you?" He looked past Ethan to ask me.

Hunger forgotten, I glitched for a second or two, before nodding. Because of his hazel eyes. And because I must have loved pain.

Ethan puffed out his chest. I had to stroke my hand down the middle of his back to get him to back away. "I'll be right over here."

He headed toward the buffet of food Ryan had prepared and shared a plate.

Ryan took a breath and I could tell he was doing his best to not turn into a puddle at my feet. I was relieved he didn't cry, because I would have had to put my feelings aside to comfort him or I would have had to harden myself. I didn't want to do either.

"I don't know where to begin asking you for your forgiveness." He opened, and I had a visceral reaction to his words. His unfallen tears aroused the need to reach out and lie, tell him it was okay.

But I said nothing. I had nothing to say.

"I'm not telling you you have to take me back." He continued.

Did we break up? My cheeks trembled at that. Why did my cheeks tremble at that? I cleared my throat and steeled myself, sticking up my chin at him and crossing my arms.

"But I thought you should know that I'm taking your advice. You were right. I am going through a lot mentally." Ryan's voice cracked and his shoulders jerked. My eyes filled with tears as he shook it off and waited until he wasn't a crumbling mess to look at me again. When he did, I saw him. In the torment storming through his eyes, I saw his purity, the part of him I fell in love with. His soul.

His eyes reflected disgust over his own actions. They were big and dominant, filled with fear and love...oh, love. I couldn't help the tears that started pouring from my eyes. "I– " I started, but couldn't finish.

He sniffled.

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