Page 106 of Four Times Forever

What they did wasn't right, but they did it to ensure that one of the monsters in all my nightmares would never be able to disturb my life again. It seemed unfair that I was punishing them for that. Whether or not we could move forward, I didn't know. But I had decided that I wouldn't be the one to call the cops on them. Because as I said, they did what they did, when it came down to it, without Tyler's threats or needing to see Terry suffer, to make sure that man and his accomplice would never disturb my life again. If they went down for this, it would disturb my life. I didn't see why Terry should get away with ruining another set of lives, even in his death. His reign of destruction was over. He didn't get justice. Terry Thornbread could rot in the ground. I didn't give a fuck.

I was just there to decide whether or not they were still the men I fell in love with, or monsters incognito. I was inching towards forgiveness and starting over.

My legs wobbled through the forest and I thanked the heavens it was daytime. It didn't take away the flashbacks of that night though, being dragged around by a greedy deranged absent brain cell. My arm hurt where he squeezed me, the memory making everything ripe again. The stench of the dirty, bloodied and torn clothing that definitely had piss on it when I lost control of my bladder in fear. His breath and his dirty nails breaking my skin. The cool hard mouth of the gun pressed into my tender temple, the butt of it striking me across the face, the lights flashing through the forest in the nick of time, the whipping propellers, the voice of safety echoing through the speaker calling my name, the lack of air as I broke free, the gunshots following behind me and the moment I landed in the arms of a policeman, I knew I never wanted to see that asshole's face again. Now, I didn't have to. I could've kissed the person responsible for that, the day I found out they were dead. Turns out, I had kissed four of them.

By the time I made it to the gates, I was breathing short and drenched in sweat. It had nothing to do with the length of the walk. I entered the gate code, vision blurry as the memory of how Terry managed to overpower me came rushing back. Lying in wait for me until I was all alone, tricking me to leave the house away from the indoor cameras, distracting me while his accomplice burst my skull open with the butt of his gun, then locking me up in the dark dingy trailer so that it burned to open my eyes once I was in the light again. His conscience broke through his thick brain which was the only reason I ended up at the hospital, which was the beginning of my big escape.

Despite everything my men did to try and help me, it came down to me getting lucky with a nurse and Eric's parents getting their contacts involved. But luck was the deciding factor. I could have died. And I would have been grateful for any help at all to be reunited with my men again. Even if that help had to come from a former mob boss. Except, his help didn't get me reunited with my men, it put them in his debt. It got rid of Terry Thornbread and his braindead sidekick.

As I tried to catch my breath, rounding the gravel path leading to the house, I realized I was a terrible person. Because I was hit with a wave of gratitude. My eyes stung from the deep enveloping love gathering in my chest. They were my heroes...and there were cop cars in front of the house. Why were there cop cars in front of the house?

No, no. This was not how it was supposed to end. I was supposed to walk inside the house, tell my men I forgave them, talk through how we were going to move forward, and wrap them up in my arms. Instead, Eric was being hauled out in handcuffs.

"Wh-what's going on?" I stuttered.

Eric's head whipped around. The annoyance twisting up his face shifted to shame when he saw me. "Lily!" A teardrop trickled from his eye and all I wanted to do was rush forward and pull the handcuffs off myself.

The cop pushed him forward before I could say anything else. My legs were still shaking when Matt and Ethan were brought out next.

"Please. Let me just tell her goodbye." Matt pleaded with the cops.

"Will someone please tell me what's going on? I didn't..." I was yelling.

"Please!" Matt yelled over me, shooting me a look.

Begrudgingly, the officer stopped and I ran over to Matt, throwing my arms around his neck. "I didn't..." I started to say, but he cut me off with a kiss.

"Hey, hey!" The cop tugged him, but I hugged him tight. Moving his lips to my ear, he whispered. "Ryan turned us in. Don't let them know you knew about this."

My arms fell away as he was dragged out of my hold, and I stood there blinking back tears, staring at them in bewilderment. My legs didn't start moving again until they were about to drive away.

"Wait!" I yelled, burning smoke on the concrete with my sneakers.

Matt, Ethan, and Eric stared at me with a warning in their eyes. The blood rushing to my head pounded through my ears as I grabbed onto the cop car up front, forcing them to stop driving.

"Ma'am! Get your hands off the vehicle unless you want to join them in prison!" the cop sounded through his speaker.

"They shouldn't be going to prison!" I lied.

"Ma'am! This is your last warning!" he shouted.

I didn't want to go to fucking prison, so I lifted my hands off.

"Please. I'm sorry. Can you just tell me where Ryan is?" I cried.

"He turned himself in." The cop sped away, leaving me lost and confused.

Ryan took accountability for his actions. He forced the others into also taking responsibility. And as much as I wanted to kick and scream, I couldn't deny that it was the right thing to do. He had the courage none of us had. And that made me believe that beneath all the shit he'd done lately, he was a good man. Still the good and honorable man I fell in love with, who happened to fuck up, but had shown me again and again that he was willing to own up to what he'd done. And damn it, that was hot.

Fuck, I wanted my men back.

Chapter 66

Ryan

All by Myself by Celine Dion mocked me in some distant corner of my mind. The song choice was... interesting. This was not the time for jokes, yet I had the overwhelming urge to break out into a maniacal laugh. There was something about knowing that the world was going to end and standing there while it blew up in your face. You didn't cry when you'd already done all your crying. You didn't plead either, when you knew there was no point. Apparently, you laughed. I mean, it was hilarious, wasn't it?

Remember that one time I prayed for Lily's safety? She came home and what did I do to say thank you? I murdered someone and helped kill another. Hold on, if that wasn't the worst possible thing I could have done, I almost hit Lily. What did I think was going to happen when she finally forgave me? That we'd live happily ever after, in 'holy matrimony'? Ha! I told you it was hilarious.

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