Page 6 of Four Times Forever

I considered his words and the pain in her eyes. He was right. I had hurt her enough already. As I exited the room, I heard Eric say, "Shit, he's heading for the alcohol."

He rushed past me toward the kitchen, no doubt to empty the cupboards.

"Damn it. I'll get someone to put a security keypad on the wine cellar." Ethan hurried toward his precious bottles of wine.

"Ryan, why don't you get your camera out like old times? We'll hit the road? Capture something beautiful?" Matt suggested.

I rolled my eyes and headed toward my room, slamming the door and unveiling the secret stash I had hidden in a box beneath a pile of clothes in the massive walk-in closet. As if I couldn't afford my own bottles. Almost everything I earned from photographing Ann-Marie and Tyler's wedding had been used to buy the one thing that could knock me out cold when I needed it to. Maybe if I kept drinking, one day I wouldn't wake up and everyone would be better off without me.

What's a life for a life?

I took one.

As much as he had it coming, I was the one to take his life. What, then, was the value of mine?

Chapter 5

Lily

"Mom." I approached her with caution, keeping my voice low, needing to do anything but overwhelm her. The nurse also took her time and joined her on the sofa.

She stared ahead, shaking.

"Mom," I whispered again, searching her eyes and stroking her arm.

When her eyeballs shifted to regard me, I let my whole body relax. I would deal with Ryan later, but right then, I needed to make sure she stayed with us.

The door swung open and the hairs on my skin stood up the way a cat's back raises up when it senses an attack. I spun around, relieved when it was only Ethan, not Ryan. Was that what my life was going to look like with Ryan now? Scared and on edge all the time? I couldn't manage that on top of everything else I had going on. They were supposed to be my safe space, not adding more trauma to my life.

"I brought the food." He handed me a hefty homemade burger in Tupperware. His shoulders were tense and he avoided eye contact with my mom. Still, he managed a smile for my benefit. In light of what Ryan had just done, my heart bloomed in gratitude and appreciation for Ethan.

"Thanks." My cheeks flushed as he mouthed, 'no problem' and exited the room. "Look, Mom. Aren't you dying to sink your teeth into this bad boy? Damn, Ethan really went all out for you, didn't he?"

"Oh, he's such a kind man. Let me go and get you a knife." The nurse grinned at me.

This burger was big enough to serve three people.

"Yeah, you can't have too much at once. Plus my mouth is watering..." I smiled.

"Have it. I don't want it." My mother frowned at the sandwich as if it had just farted.

"Not in the mood for burger? Want to stick with the soup for now? I could probably ask one of the guys to run out and..." I was rambling, grasping at something positive.

"I don't want it. I don't want anything from those men," she scowled.

I mean, who could blame her after the way Ryan had carried on?

"He's not always like that. They're all pretty sweet." I gulped, wondering if I could still group Ryan into that 'they'.

I didn't want to have to lose him. My belly hurt at the thought. All of a sudden, the burger didn't look good anymore.

"Was he right? Is Terry dead?" she whispered, more to herself than to me.

Grinding my teeth, I reached for her hand and cursed Ryan out again in my head. "Yes. You don't have to ever worry about him hurting you again."

She pulled her hand away from mine. "He'd never hurt me."

I couldn't help the scoff that came out of my mouth. I knew I was supposed to be all, "yes, Mama", "whatever you say, Mom" right then but she was taking the delusion a little too far.

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