Page 43 of Four Times Forever

"Yeah. I know I've been super paranoid lately, but everything's alright, right? It's not something to do with Lily again, is it?" I asked.

"Dad." Eric scoffed, but he dropped his eyes from mine. "It's just the flight over here, we didn't get much sleep last night and things have just been moving super fast."

"Ah, so it's about the wedding. You're getting cold feet." I nodded.

He let out a breath. Of relief? Huh. Odd. "Yeah, that's it."

Going to make a wild guess and say it's not.

"What about you, Ryan? Is it the wedding too?" I asked.

"Yeah." He grunted. "What else would it be?" Ryan caught his tone and looked up at me with an apology and tight smile.

"Yeah, and we kinda didn't know the house was going to be this crowded. We were just trying to figure out where we're going to stay," Eric added.

"Oh!" I sighed. "Well, you should've rung first. I would've told you. I mean, it's lonely in a big old house and having more nurses and caregivers around us, doctors who can check in on us has been a big help. Plus a lot of them are veterans with nothing else to fall back on. It just felt right to share the space. It helps us feel as if we're giving back. Makes us feel like we're good for something, you know?" My stomach rolled.

It makes me feel like not jumping off a cliff headfirst, more like. It gives me hope that we won't burn for eternity for all the shit we've done. We can't take back the lives we claimed, but we can do something for the people around us.

Doing what we did for Lily helped me and my wife see that our lives are good for something, it reunited us with other retired and dishonorably discharged vets who we didn't realize were having a hard time after leaving the army. They had skills that could help us, we had the money to pay them, it sounded like a win-win. Especially to have people in the house that understand where we've been, what we've done and we can talk about it together.

"I'm sorry. But you guys can get a hotel, can't you?" I asked. "I know you guys just bought a whole island together, so you might not have much extra cash lying around..."

"No, no. That's okay. You're right. We can get a hotel." Ethan smiled. Eric almost wrung his own neck, the way he whipped around to glare at him. Ethan ignored him.

"Are you guys sure that's all?" I pressed.

Eric jerked around again. "Yeah." His voice rasped. "Yeah. I was just looking forward to spending time with you guys, that's all." He patted me on the shoulder. "But I guess you don't need me anymore." A half smile.

"Aw, son. That's a good thing, isn't it? And we can still hang out. There's no rush, is there? Meet me out back, I'll gather all the guys, do a bit of fishing, drink some beers..."

His eyes narrowed at me and I chuckled.

"You guys can drink some beers," I corrected myself.

Ryan rubbed the back of his neck and started pacing. There's that niggling feeling again.

"If there was anything wrong, you'd tell me, right?" I paused outside the door. "Are you in trouble? You know you can tell me anything?"

"In trouble?" Eric shook his head. "Why would we be in trouble?"

With a breath and a sense that I was being paranoid again, I left.

Chapter 34

Eric

Fuck. What kind of a person was I? I'd brought danger to my parents' doorstep while they were dealing with PTSD. I stepped off after my dad. He shared a curious glance at me as he descended the stairs. The words were on my tongue to say something, warning him of the danger we were running from, but I didn't. Because I was a coward. Evil. I had to be. Storming back into the room, I grabbed the bedposts at the foot of the bed and shook it.

"What was I thinking?!" I banged my head on the wood.

"Hey, hey. Stop doing that." Ethan pulled me back. "You were thinking about Lily's safety."

"And what about my parents' safety?!" I whipped around and stared at his stupid brown eyes. "And why did you open your stupid mouth about staying at a hotel? What was the reason for coming here if we're not going to stay here? The military protection was the whole point."

Listen to me. Even now, I was still fucking selfish as hell. I should have been thinking about protecting them too, not risking setting their progress back.

"Will you keep your voice down? Someone might hear you." Matt ran toward the door and looked out into the hallway before coming back inside and shutting the door, with the lock this time.

---