Page 26 of Four Times Forever

I couldn't exactly argue with that.

"Where are you gonna go?" I asked.

"I still have some money left over from photographing Ann and Tyler's wedding." He stopped midway packing, scrunched up the shirt he was holding and pulled at it. When it refused to tear, he tossed it with a yell. "I should've never taken that fucking job!"

I backed away, unsure whether he was about to go crazy and start swinging.

He started panting and holding his chest. I jumped into action. "You okay, man?"

"I fucking hate that man. I wish I never met him. I had a good life. We had a good life before I took that job, didn't we?" His eyes were bloodshot as he looked at me.

My heart broke and damn it, tears came to my eyes, because yes, some men cry when their best friend is falling apart. I wrapped an arm around him. What he did was unforgivable. But what we all did, the secret we were all hiding, was also unforgivable.

"If you didn't take that job, you, me and Ethan wouldn't have met Lily. Eric wouldn't have been reunited with her," I reminded him.

"Yeah, maybe she would have been better off. What has she got to show for being with us? A big fancy house? Financial security? Who's to say that the life she had before wasn't good enough on its own?" he asked.

I hadn't thought of that. I'd always bought my happiness. I thought money was the answer to life's problems, which was why I'd always given it away to charities. Because I had so much of it and others didn't. But what if her life, simple as it was, filled with all its problems, could have been her happiness? She was in control of it, had a support group around her, and had the choice to leave once her mother woke up from her catatonic state.

I furrowed my brows and racked my brain. "Yeah, but who would have saved her from Terry when he came knocking?"

"We didn't save her. Who's to say she needed saving? What if she was strong enough to handle it all on her own? He only kidnapped her for money, because Ethan offered to throw money at the problem and he found out you guys were rich!" Ryan argued.

"No, but..." I shook my head.

"Let's face it. What have we really given her? Better yet, what have I given her? She's better off without me." He paused.

I was lost for words. Was he right? Had we simply added chaos to her life and now with the whole talk of marriage, me proposing, were we just trapping her into a life filled with not just lies, but more trouble? We were tied now to Tyler, forever. Bound by a secret. What did that look like for our future?

"I wouldn't have changed meeting Lily." I doubled down.

He raised a brow and puffed out a breath. "Yeah. Well, maybe there's a reality where Eric and Lily could've had their reunion, where we would have met her, that doesn't include Tyler. But we got this one."

"Or maybe this was the exact reality in which our paths were meant to cross, but we fucked up with the choices we made," I added.

He gulped, sniffled, and got up from the bed. Resigned, he resumed his packing.

"You don't have to leave," I started. "I mean, sure you can't stay here with Lily, but the guest house is free."

With his back facing me, he nodded.

The calm that covered him now should have been relieving, but it ruffled the hairs on my skin. I didn't like it. Remembering the night he walked into the lake, intending to drown himself, I stooped to help him.

"How about I stay with you at the guest house?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not like I can stop you, can I? It's yours and Ethan's place."

"It's not about that. I just want to make sure you're okay. Plus, you shouldn't be on your own. We can hang like we used to?" I offered.

"Yeah." He knelt into his suitcase and fought with the zipper.

"Lily was right about the therapist, you know?" I said after a beat.

Ryan's head dropped and he got up as if his body weighed a ton. His eyes fluttered shut and he pressed his lips together.

"I could go with you if you want," I added.

A scoff and maybe even a chuckle escaped him. "What are you gonna do? Follow me around everywhere?"

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