Page 46 of Four Times Taken

Now, it made sense why they were so eager to come over and help Eric. They wanted to bone me. They must also think I'm easy since I let Eric in my bed after a couple of weeks and an apology, but they don't know what he and I have. If they think they're getting close to me just because they did something nice for me, and they're all handsome, with great personalities, and caring towards my mother, they have another guess coming.

A 'woman's work.' That's what my father would call it. Marco. Every guy I've slept with. I guess I've slept with worse people, so even if they do think I'm easy, and they're doing all of this nice shit just to fuck me, it doesn't mean I can't... but that was before I had a boyfriend. Do I even have a boyfriend? I had to send Eric home tonight because it all became too much. I don't want to lie to him.

No wonder good things don't happen to me; I'll always find a way to fuck things up. I get one good guy and now, I want more than I can handle. It's ridiculous. What am I going to do with four men? Well, I have a few ideas.

No. Behave, my inner voice chided.

Greedy. That's my problem. It's no different than drugs or someone who binges on food. We chase the dopamine high. I'm not used to being safe in the presence of men. Being so cared for. The second I experience the blood moving through my veins more smoothly, loosening up the tension in my bones, medicating my pain, it's like a rush. Something I'm sure I don't deserve, and I'm certain I'll lose. I want as much as I can get at once as often as I can in case it slips through my fingers. That's what I feel around Eric. And I'm ashamed to admit it, it's the way I feel around all of them. Even if it's an act for the rest of them.

Together, they've done more for me than any man has ever done. The only way I can think of thanking each and every one of them comes down to the swelling pressure between my pussy lips.

Eric doesn't deserve this. As wonderful as he is, he deserves a woman who will want him alone, who will see that he's more than enough. Not a greedy bitch like me. That's why I get the asshole guys. I'I'm an asshole. How can I do this to him, even think it? His best friends? Really?

My chest grew thick and heavy. Pins and needles pricked my skin. Unable to sleep, I made my way over to the unfinished painting. Swirls of browns and beige, hues of greens and blues coming together to encapsulate his inner and outer beauty. My heart bled as I picked up the paintbrush, my decision clear. I loved Eric too much to hurt him, and I'm unable to stop myself from wanting his best friends too.

With tears running down my cheeks, I conceded, I couldn't be selfish. I had to let him go. I had to let them all go.

Chapter 30

Ryan

Last night was rough. It was the most desperate I've been. Strolling through the bars was painful. You'd think as a bisexual, my options would be limitless. And you'd be wrong. But no worries, sometimes I think the world is my oyster when it comes to dating or hooking up too. Even I get caught up in the delusion. Why do you think I haven't rushed into anything for months?

If I vibed, great. If not, no big deal. Except last night was very much a big deal as I cruised the streets, looking for anyone who might get me excited. No such luck. And it wasn't because I couldn't find anyone down to fuck. It's just that I wasn't down. I'm not down for anyone else. I'm caught up in this Eric and Lily web, and I don't know my way out.

After spending the rest of the night alone in my hotel bed, left to my thoughts, I decided that I could be a whiny bitch and sulk over what I can't have or man up and face the facts. I chose both. I didn't know what game they were both playing last night. Eric had to be on one, calling me like that while fucking Lily. And her gazing into my eyes as he fucked her. I might be the one reading too much into it, but whatever the case may be, some boundaries needed to be set.

I stepped into our next Airbnb, cap covering my eyes. It's too early in the morning. The sun's barely risen. The gray cast is still wrestling with peachy twilight. Would be a darling time to pick up my camera, but I'm not in the mood. I have to get something off my chest. But first, I need some coffee before I get involved in any conversation.

Flipping on the lights, I head into the kitchen.

"Ahem."

A voice startles me. Clutching my chest, I spin around to find Eric, eyes red from lack of sleep, sitting on the gray couch, clutching a red cushion.

Ah, shit. Guess it's a no on that caffeine before conversation then.

"What the hell are you doing, sitting in the dark?" I yelp.

He gets up, stretches, and crosses the room toward me. I stop breathing, the memory of yesterday still vivid. Is he going to knock me out? Instead, he steps past me and pulls out two coffee mugs. With a deep breath, I move on to the coffee maker.

"So, about yesterday." I turn to face him, the whirring and subtle vibration of the coffee maker behind me.

"About yesterday." He nods, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning up against the white counter over bleached gray wood.

"I was out of line. I shouldn't have said what I said about your... about Lily. I overstepped." I gulp.

"But you still felt it, didn't you?" he asks.

I drop my gaze from his, and he does one of those chuckles where I can't tell whether he's laughing because he found something funny or he's trying to hold himself back from wringing my neck.

"Seems like you weren't the only one either. I mean, what the fuck, guys?" he says.

His reprimand doesn't sound like one. There's still that light, airy lift to his tone. That's unnerving. I thought he'd take this a lot worse. I raise my head and study the disbelief drawing lines across his forehead. But he almost looks amused in the tilt of his lips.

"You're not mad?" I furrow my brows.

He took a deep breath and swept back a few strands into his low man bun. "I don't know what I feel, which is what worries me."

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