Page 28 of Four Times Taken

When I didn't open the door, the nightmare began. "Thornbread, I've been stuck in my head—" he screeched, and I popped the door open, red in the face and hoping no one heard that. He still knew how to embarrass the life out of me. I can't stand love songs. It's even worse when they're directed at me, and aloud? Must be out of your fucking mind.

"Hi," he said as I scowled at him.

"I told you to leave me alone," I grunted, stepping out on the doorstep and locking the door behind me.

He looked me up and down until I became conscious of the breeze against my legs and the fabric tight against the curve of my breasts. Our bodies were too close together, and I regretted my decision to leave the warmth of my living room door.

"Lily," he said my name again, deep and husky. I crossed my arms to hide my beading nipples.

"What are you doing here, Eric? Sketched across my face was a frown.

"I want to fix the mistake I made all those years ago." He reached out to brush his hands over my arms, and I shrugged them away.

"Why now?" I asked, breathing hot air as my eyes dampened."You know what? There's nothing left to fix. You're wasting your time." I opened the door and turned to go in.

His hand wedged into the frame in time to stop it from slamming shut. If any other man did that, I'd be shitting myself, worried about them forcing themselves inside, but his eyes put me at ease. In my head and with distance, I could think anything of him, but face to face, I'd always know I'm safe. Recalling the last time he stood at this doorstep, defending me from my father, how could I not feel that way? I knew that much about his true nature. That he'd opt away from violence if it made me uncomfortable. It's hard not to have everything I know about him rushing back when it's just us.

"Please let me in. Hear me out. And if you still want me gone after that, you'll never have to see me again," he reasoned.

Strange that the pang of loss hit me when he said that. I was under the impression he'd be sticking around, but the thought of never seeing him again had me clutching the door.

"The place doesn't look so great right now," I confessed, looking behind me, still looking for an excuse.

"You know I don't give a shit about that." He waited, nodding encouragingly toward the door and smiling when I stepped aside. Knowing him, he'd screech again if I didn't, and no one deserved the assault of his terrible singing on their ears. Damn it, his smile was still disarming, except now; it had a lot more sex appeal with that sharp beard.

Gulping and lowering my head, I stepped wide to avoid him brushing against me. Sweet citrus, musk, and a hint of ocean breeze rustled the tiny hairs on my body, heating my skin. Letting him in is a dangerous move, I recognized too late.

"Look, say what you have to say and go. I'd like to go to bed." I remained standing at the door, afraid that going further with him would suck me into his heat and lure.

He turned around and laughed a little."Wow, you're not even going to offer me a cup of tea?"

"I'm out of sugar," I lied, crossing my arms.

"Okay." He folded his arms as well and leaned up against the wall."I could say sorry, but you've already heard that. I could tell you I've missed you, but you wouldn't believe me."

Hugging myself tighter as my heart skipped a beat, I dropped my gaze from his. Sweet words mean shit to me after all this time, I lied to myself. Rolling my eyes, I sighed and stepped away from the door because he managed to make the distance between us intimate; his piercing gaze did the opposite of moments before. I'm no longer at ease. I'm on fire. The quietness of the house doesn't help. I'm even more aware of the risk I'm taking being alone with him. My knees wobbled, and I took off toward the sofa. Now that I thought about it, sitting would be a lot more comfortable.

When I walked past him, he huffed. His breath fluttered strands of my hair, heating the side of my face as I took a seat at the far end of the stained couch.

"Okay." He sat next to me."I should've told you as soon as I knew I was leaving."

Tell me something I don't know.

"But I dreaded the thought of leaving you behind, just like the friends I left behind in the past. But you weren't just any friend. You were Lily. I couldn't bear it. It was stupid, I know. Still, I figured out of sight, out of mind."

I scoffed.

"No, not you. Never you. No matter where I've gone in the world, you haven't left my mind. not making sense. What I mean is, to me, as long as I focused on leaving, the longer I could live in the fantasy that I . Then, the timeline grew shorter, until I was sure had to tell you. But I panicked. Every day, I wrestled with the decision. You've got to understand, the only long-term relationships I'd ever encountered before you were with my parents and aunt. Even those were fleeting and laced with insecurity." He sighed. I didn't think I deserved you, to have something long term with you. Even if I wanted that more than anything. I learned not to want what I couldn't have. At the time, it seemed I couldn't have you in my life forever, so I tried to stop myself from wanting forever with you. Forced myself to live in the moment. Then you kissed me." He swiped his hand across his face, and my tapping fingers came to a stop. My cheeks heated in memory of that day.

"I don't know how to describe what I felt that day. Do you have any idea how many times I'd wanted to kiss you?" he asked.

My eyes flashed to his. Okay, I didn't know that. I should have looked away, but I couldn't. My heart was beating so hard, my lungs were competing to keep up.

His voice dropped, and his breathing picked up."But I told myself it would be unfair to us both. I was a coward. When you kissed me, it was like standing in the middle of the street with a truck speeding towards me. I knew I should jump out of the way, but my feet wouldn't move. I froze. Every fiber of my being wanted to kiss you back," he breathed. My lips burned for his.

He threw his head back against the couch. His wavy, brown hair fell across his shoulders.

"But I thought I was doing the right and honorable thing by not kissing you back, knowing what I did. And I thought,'Well, I definitely can't tell you now'. You made it impossible to forget you. Not that I'd ever want to. You were the best part of those two years I lived in North Carolina." He turned his face toward me, and he looked me over as if he's digesting every detail. "Damn, I was stupid. I wish I had kissed you back," he breathed.

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