Page 24 of Four Times Taken

"I won't let my mother off the hook here. She made some pretty bad choices, but I think one of the worst ones she made was marrying him. He made the problems she already had so much worse." A red, penetrating orb surrounded me, glowing across the page, and I took a deep breath to quell the burning.

"I grew up seeing him beat the ever-loving daylight out of her, and she'd be passed out in her own blood and vomit after self-medicating to ease the pain. I remember thinking, 'That will never happen to me. I'll never give a man that much control over me.' Until I did.

"I met a kind guy once, who gave me hope that all men weren't savages. We didn't end up together; he moved away. Guess he was too good for me. I didn't deserve to have that sort of kindness in my life for a long time, only a while." The heat rose to the back of my throat as I grumbled that self-defeating comment beneath my breath. It wasn't written in my speech, just triggered by the memory of seeing him again.

It bounced back over the mic, and I laughed away the awkwardness. "I know it's counterproductive to think that way, but what can I do? It's what I'm left with. As you can see, recovery isn't perfect." Clearing my throat and shaking my head, I renewed my focus.

"So, anyway." I took a deep breath. "In his memory and the peace I found with him, I sought that out in someone else. I got a taste of what it was like to be treated like a human being, the 'good life,' and I wanted more of it. Greedy. Knowing that there were men out there who could possibly be gentle and kind was like the answer to my woes, to healing the deep wound I had from watching my parents' relationship. That's when I met Marco. Oh, he played the part of the kind, loving gentleman, until he wasn't." My breath hitched on that sentence, and unexpected tears flooded my eyes.

My throat grew hoarse as I continued, "I became the exact person I thought I wouldn't be. There were times when he beat me so bad, I didn't think I'd wake up. I didn't want to. So, I also started to self-medicate. There are many women with stories like these. But few of us make it out. Lucky for me, I found a place like this back where I lived, and five years ago when I moved back to Durham, I found this shelter to help me stay on track and not slip back into old habits. I found a family here that I didn't have before. I even reunited with some of the women from the other Women's Shelter here." I smiled. "I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm clean, and I haven't allowed myself to be a victim of another man since.

"Some of us aren't that lucky. Without getting the help we need, we remain victims, even when we're out of it. Like my mother. My mother refused to leave my father. He left her when her brain finally gave up on her. She struggles with catatonia." Tears rolled down my face, and I had to pause to contain myself.

A few of my sisters from the shelter came up on stage to place their hands on my rocking shoulders and stand next to me in support. My throat stung as I pushed the rest of the words out.

"Every time I think she's doing better, she falls right back into running away inside her own head, refusing to be a part of her own body. She's like a shell of a person. It's so unfair." I hiccupped as soothing hands stroked my back.

"I've seen what it's like to get out of the abusive cycle and drugs and get your life back together. I'm a walking testament. But I've also seen the other side. Some people never recover. They lose their lives. My mother's still alive, but I don't know if she'll ever be the same again. I don't remember her even being normal. It scares me. That's why it's important for places like these to exist. I don'I don't know where I'd be today if I hadn't found shelter and a group of people who understood and cared. I owe my life to this place and the one before it."

Clearing my throat, I straightened my shoulders. "This is why I'm so grateful to the person who decided to donate to this shelter. Even if he is a man." I sniffled and smiled. The crowd chuckled. "With your money, you will help so many women for years to come. So, without further ado, it is with great pleasure that I introduce the man himself, 'Just call me Ethan.'" I used air quotes.

The audience stood and cheered. I stepped away from the podium, cheering along with them, still a bit blinded by the light as the donor stepped onto the stage. Our eyes met, and for a moment, I thought I recognized him.

Ethan

Thornbread isn't a common surname. It almost sounds made up. So, when they called her name, I knew it's her from the jump. A part of my heart was beating a little harder at the realization she's here, but I was intent on avoiding her the whole night.

Yet, she's impossible to ignore when she got up on stage in that strappy, backless dress that fitted her like a second skin, and I fought my body's primal reaction. My initial surprise at us being here together faded when I remembered Eric telling me about her childhood. Of course she's here.

Everything changed when she spoke. The character I attached to her earlier this week was only a tiny part of a bigger story. As I watched her, she's no longer Eric's Lily, but Lily Thornbread. Bombarded by emotions, I fought back tears as her words opened me up like a book and read me. My hands balled into fists when she mentioned Marco. I could tear him apart with my bare hands for hurting her. I could do the same with her father.

My arms grew heavy with the need to wrap her up in a warm embrace and prove to her that she's right, the kind of man who would treat her right does exist. Me. That she hadn't falsely assumed that when she decided to trust someone. I also knew, without a shadow of a doubt, the guy she thought was too good for her, was Eric. The kind guy she'd found peace with who moved away.

She spoke of him with the tenderness she didn't dare to show him a few days ago. Of her heartbreak. She doesn't hate him. It's an uncomfortable thought, but I think she still loves him. She's scared of letting her defenses down around him again. It makes sense. The coldness she displayed at the wedding is nothing compared to the deep wound she let us see today.

She put all her eggs in Eric's basket. A childish thing to do, I'll admit. But they were children then. And she hasn't recovered from him leaving her alone, 'trapped in the belly of the shark.' Yet, even as I thought of her love for Eric, I couldn't help the tiny explosions that went off inside my body when my name left her lips. As our eyes met, it's like finding the key that fits.

"Thank you for the introduction and for sharing your story." I turned my head to the side to smile at her, and she tilted her head at me as if putting together a puzzle. "Uhm." I cleared my throat, returning my attention to the audience. "I don't do a lot of public speaking or have dinners in my honor, because it's awkward as hell." I grinned. "But who could resist the charm of sweet Ms. Patsy's smile." I looked over at the older, full-figured woman who arranged this entire event. "I just couldn't say no." Ms. Patsy beamed in her purple, beaded dress.

"I now see the importance of this banquet. It's not about me at all, but for everyone who shared their stories, for the ones who work hard to keep this place running, and for those who can come here for refuge. I'm honored to be able to contribute and be a part of this tonight," I said, with my whole being. "I was asked why I donated what I did. Well, it's because I got pretty lucky with my latest investment. I hit that jackpot!" I sang and swayed, grinning, and there were a few chuckles. "Nah, the truth is, I identify with everyone here. Even if I'm just a man." That last part was solely for Lily.

"Your stories resonate with me because my mom was also an addict, and my childhood was tumultuous to say the least. If it weren't for rehab facilities, I wouldn't have gotten my mom back. She wouldn't have gotten her life back." My throat seized up, and I took a moment to clear it.

"But it was far from cheap," I continued, "I know how important money can be in this world we live in, with inflation and no solution in sight. Back when I couldn't afford to get her help, I'd volunteer at shelters, and I'd see how hard they struggled with making ends meet. I knew that if I could, I'd always help shelters in her honor. Having money eventually helped a lot with getting her the proper medical and psychological treatment, enrolling her into a rehab program and continued monthly check-ups. I got more than lucky when I started earning money, so I think it's only fair to share that luck, so that women like my mother can get the help they need. Thank you for all the work that you do. And thank you for allowing me to do this for you."

Applause followed my speech, and I turned to take another glance at Lily. This time, her mouth dropped open.

Chapter 18

Lily

Of course. The short, coiffed hairstyle, which was highlighted by lighter browns, almost blond in the sunlight. Tonight, under the incandescent lighting, it's darker. The hairstyle was popular enough but paired with the rounded black glasses and dark, trimmed beard, I knew where I'd seen him before. At the wedding. The 'just call me Ethan' guy was Eric's friend.

There's no way. First, Ryan 'ran into me' at the park, which I believed to be a happy coincidence. Now, this Ethan guy is at the Women's Shelter?

In his white fitted T-shirt, which wrapped comfortably around the curves of his arms, and the tapered cut jeans, he didn't look like he could afford to donate 1.5 million dollars. Unless you took a closer look at his watch and shoes. It's eerie bumping into them in separate places this past week, and I know it's a stretch, but could they be following me? Spying on me?

As crazy as it sounded, my throat closed up on me, and the walls narrowed. With desperation, I slipped from the arms of the supportive women next to me and dashed toward the stage exit and out the side door that stepped out into a hallway. My skin vibrated, and my knees knocked together as I picked my pace up toward the bathroom. The hairs on my neck prickled for no reason, and I jumped, hoping no one's following me to make sure I'm okay. I couldn't interact with anyone right then.

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