Page 79 of Four Times Saved

I got a flashback to the hallucinations in that dark container as I teetered on death.

Knowing that the house was here, and that it was real, and happening, I couldn't help but wonder if it looked anything like the one in my dreams did. Now, that was all I could think about. I was already packing my bags in my head, thinking about all the furniture we could get, ideas I had on interior decorating. What could I say? He was right; it was a salve to the last couple hours of an extended session, the one good thing that happened when I thought today couldn't get any worse.

My lips quirked up despite myself. They trembled as I fought my elation.

"You couldn't have postponed the meeting until after the therapy session?" I frowned.

"I wasn't thinking. I thought it'd be nice for you to walk out to some great news after. Was I wrong?" He tugged on my T-shirt. Well, Eric's T-shirt which he'd thrown onto my body to protect my decency in the ambulance.

Eric had brought back a pair of slacks for me after leaving during the night to drive the car to the hospital. I wasn't matching, nor was I looking attractive, but Ethan's gesture, the way it knocked me off balance, gave me butterflies. I couldn't help blushing.

"I would've wanted you all here with me first, then the house." Okay, my cheeks were burning now; there was no hiding it. "But, no, you weren't wrong. I'm so excited." I snatched the keys from his hand and he grinned, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"How was the session?" Eric stroked his hand through my hair. There was something behind his eyes I couldn't quite place.

"It was a lot. We can talk about it after. What's up with you?" I reached out to smooth the wrinkles in his forehead.

"Me? Why would you think anything is wrong with me?" He went red for a hot second, then cooled off, switching faces. "I'm just tired." He smiled, took my hand and kissed the back of it. Something felt specious about his words, but he dismissed my worries with a rough peck on my cheek. "What do you say we go look at that house?"

Come to think of it, they were all a little off. There was nothing I could think of that would cause that shadow that was cloaking them, unless they were hiding something from me. For the first time in a while, I wasn't paranoid about their secrets.

Instead, I worried that there was something going on personally with them that they were afraid to share with me because I had my own problems. Damn, that therapy session must have helped because I thought I had space to think about something other than what had happened to me or my mother.

My men were so strong and capable, I expected them to always have everything figured out, to be my support system, to protect me...what if they needed me too? I hadn't even spoken to Eric about his parents, thanked them personally for what they'd done, I didn't know what was going on in Ryan, Ethan, or Matt's life. They were all about me. And I was all about me. Okay, now I was the one with the guilt.

I should do something about that.

Ethan

Shit. My internal organs were on the verge of a stroke and the quick smile that spread across her face was a breath of fresh air. Thank goodness she bought that. I had to think of something on our way back to the shelter, a reason to excuse our long absence.

A stroke of luck had appeared like lightning in a thunderstorm when our realtor called me on the way home to inform me that we had closed on the house. I saw my opportunity and took it, glad he was available to meet me with the keys. That was fucking close as hell. Otherwise, I'd have fumbled over an excuse.

None of the guys were of any help with Eric suggesting that we tell her we had to meet with the police about Terry and Carter to find out whether or not they had caught him yet. "Yeah, great idea. Land us in it with your big mouth, will ya? A little too close to home, don't you think?" was my response.

"Well, I don't hear you coming up with anything, smart guy." Matt had countered before turning to a too quiet Ryan and asking him if he was okay.

Of course he wasn't. None of us were. We had just played a role in murdering two people, dumping their bodies, being mindfucked by Tyler, had scrubbed our bodies clean of blood and were expected to carry on as normal, without a moment to breathe, on our way to collect Lily.

We were all fucked in the head, wondering whether there was any way to turn back time and undo the irreversible.

Then the phone rang and we had been saved from having to come up with something on the spot, which would have Lily calling us out on our bullshit with her immaculate insight. Thank goodness Ryan fixed his face and got himself together at the last second. Seriously, I thought he would have opened his big mouth and spilled everything out on the gravel parking lot of the women's shelter.

Ryan stands behind her now. "Keep your eyes closed." He uses his hands as blindfolds as we take her on the long walk to our door.

She grins. "This is crazy. I'm going to trip over something and fall."

"Never. I'll protect you," Ryan assures her.

Damn right. She has no idea the lengths we'll go to make sure of that. Not a single hair on her head will ever be harmed again, not a nick, a cut, a bruise, nothing will scar her skin again. We'll wrap her up in bubble wrap if we have to. Well, obviously not. She'd suffocate in that and that would defeat the purpose. You're being a little bit too literal now, Ethan, my inner voice chides my intrusive thoughts.

However, my intrusive thoughts have gained momentum and I capitulate to them. I don't have a choice. Lily's face behind a bubble wrap consumes my thoughts and it is haunting. She gasps in my imagery, eyes questioning why, disappointment and fear fusing, breath shortening, skin graying and the ultimate knife twister, her face glitches between her father's, Carter's and hers.

I'd never hurt her! I reason with myself, negotiating with my unyielding thoughts. Your ways of protecting her may cause her more pain than anyone else has.

No! Invisible walls close in on me.

"Ethan, are you seeing this?" She laughed out loud as her legs tested the ground ahead of her before she took a step.

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