Page 66 of Four Times Saved

But there was no amount of money I could throw at this situation that would buy Lily or any of us, the type of peace that we needed. I wanted to give her something that couldn't be bought. Her freedom back from the man who stole it.

Tyler was going to kill them. There was no doubt about it.

Shit. What were we thinking, getting involved with him? I acted on impulse. We acted on impulse. In the end, he didn't help us to get Lily back, though he tried. I wouldn't take that away from him. But all his involvement had brought so far for us was trouble.

If she found out what I did to Marco, the extent to which I was pushed at the thought that he had something to do with her being missing, she'd fear me. Now, she looked at me with such awe all the time, I didn't want to lose that. I wanted to be everything she thought I was. And for a while, I was. I was, damn it. But fucking Terry Thornbread changed that. He caused me to snap like I did, and almost killed Marco. I surprised myself with the state of my bruised knuckles and the way he'd folded himself up in a fetal position, covered in blood.

I knew I had the ability to defend, but it had been a long time since stepping up to protect my mother from her abusive boyfriends, where I'd snapped. It had been so long, I'd thought that part of me was buried in the past. It's funny how that happens, how we can be convinced that we've changed when everything is flowing and we're going with the flow, but the moment something threatens us or the people we love, we're reminded of who we are. The moment things can't be glossed over anymore and we're threatened with losing everything and everyone, we run into that version of ourselves that we'd kept locked away.

Knowing what I knew now, replaying the image of Lily being gun whipped and screamed at, being so far and having to watch with bated breath as she ran through the woods, dodging threats and bullets, hoping that she got out of there alive, and knowing that Terry was the one that put it all into motion? I didn't know what I'd do when I met him and that other fucker face to face again. A part of me was terrified, but the other part of me was swimming in lava. I shifted with unease on the bed, my heart pounding like the eve before a first date or Christmas, when you want something so bad you can't sleep, itching for the next day to come, for the moment to happen already.

I was sorry I wasn't the person Lily wanted me to be, because I was going and I'd speak for her and myself when I told him everything he needed to hear. And when I walked away, leaving him to the crazy that was Tyler. I'd restrain myself from touching him, myself. It was the least I could do to respect Lily's wishes. But well, I couldn't do anything about what Tyler was going to do. What I could do was be there to give him a well-deserved send off.

Then, all of us could move away from this memory-stained town and put it all behind us, knowing that Terry and his stupid 'enforcer' wouldn't pose a threat to either of us ever again. I'd go back to being the Ethan I was when Lily and I first met, the Ethan that's still me and wasn't a front, because there would be no one messing with Lily's safety. We'd get her back to health and things would go back to the way they should be: light, free, filled with love and fun. I'd work on my health too, putting these dark, fleeting moments of mine to rest.

Eric

You know what sucks? Lily has finally agreed to move in with us. She has accepted the offer of allowing a nurse to step in and relieve her of the role of caregiver. All things I imagined would set her free and allow her to explore life without anything or anyone holding her back, but she's stuck behind these four walls. Cabin fever is a real thing, and it'll soon take a toll on her mental health if she doesn't leave the house. A simple trip to the beach had her freaking out.

You know what's even crazier? The fact that I wished that someone would take care of him, and moments later, Tyler showed up on her doorstep offering exactly that.

I challenged myself to leave the house today, to leave her knowing that she's in safe hands. That took a lot to do, since I thought the same thing when I left her last time. But after talking to Ryan, he assured me that we've all learned a valuable lesson and we won't allow what happened the last time to happen again. He encouraged me to go, saying there are three of them with her who won't let her out of our sight.

Knowing that she was occupied with Ethan and Matt helped. Funny how that works. Jealous one moment, grateful that they're there for her in the next. Knowing that the last time I left them with her...but as Ryan said, we've learned a painful lesson. I trust them.

I needed to leave for a little bit though. None of us are really homebodies and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we think better when we're out in the sun. Taking myself on that picnic I'd planned for the two of us, I groused every time I bit down into toasted buttered bread and Lily wasn't there. When the waves whooshed as I sucked off some oysters, I tensed and longed for her. When I watched couples making out, or best friends chatting, I burned hotter than the sun at the thought of Terry Thornbread. Then I thought about him the entire time I was at the beach, playing Tyler's words again and again in my head.

At one point, I grabbed the snowboard from the back of the van we used to drive Lily and her mother around in, when we'd all take her out together. The modest waves I chased didn't match up to the racing thoughts focused on Tyler's words. I'm an expert surfer, but even I kept falling off my board, unable to ignore the flashbacks to confronting that actual thorn at his workplace. The release I got from laying into him as I've always wanted to do since meeting him. The rush I experienced from the lack of judgment and the shared anger between men who felt the same way I did.

But I held back then, unsure whether or not he was telling us the truth. I should have known then that he was a fucking liar; he doesn't have a decent bone in his body. If I'd known he was responsible, I would have broken every one until he told us where Lily was.

I'd like to look that bastard in the face one more time, I thought now, staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

After the sunset, I had returned home to find the nurse taking Mrs. Thornbread out for an evening walk, things we used to do with Lily. For a horrifying second, as I looked at Mrs. Thornbread, she took the form of a much older Lily, trapped by the trauma wrought upon them by that scumbag and my pulse drummed in my head.

I wished he'd pop up out of the blue so that I could crush him.

That man has caused so much fuckery, would Tyler getting rid of him be such a bad thing? He's already 'killed' Mrs. Thornbread and he could have gotten his daughter killed. Does a man like that deserve to live?

If Lily could hear my thoughts. Hell, if my parents could hear my thoughts.

My parents view themselves as murderers even though they were just doing their jobs and following orders. The difference between my parents and that piece of shit is that their trauma comes from their regret. Because they're fucking human. I don't know what that rat-faced man is, but I know I don't view him and my parents through the same lens. Look at all they went through to help Lily? To serve their country, good or bad? Because they have honor.

He doesn't. Whether I accept Tyler's invitation or not, he'll face the same fate. And I can't help but wonder if at the last second, he'll show any humanity at all. You know, if he'd experience remorse, accept true accountability in the end. Not the kind that he could wield as a bargaining tool for his life, but true admission of guilt.

I don't know why I care. He's not my father.

If I could hold on to some sort of hope that deep down he was closed off and cold, but still human, I couldn't imagine what Lily must have been feeling. Actually, that might have been why I cared. I almost wished she could be there to share her last words with him and get closure, but she wouldn't have been able to watch him die. Her heart was too pure. The question was, was mine?

It was bad enough knowing Tyler was going to kill him and opting not to be there. But could I go and watch a guilty man be put to death?

After rubbing some pain ointment on my bruises, which were doing a lot better now, I flicked off the light and exited the bathroom. Moving toward the bedroom, I stood in the doorway, watching Lily sleep. She sensed my presence and roused, before smiling and reaching out to me like an angel trying to pull me into her light, but I was a storm inside. When I didn't move from the doorway, she groaned and left the bed, making her way over to me.

"Are you still mad at me for the picnic?" She was naked, resting her arm against my chest and leaning in.

I couldn't resist running my hand over the curve of her back and ass. She shivered.

"We should probably go to your room before the nurse catches us." Her eyes glinted in the bright light of the hallway. "Although I'm almost positive she saw more than she bargained for already." Her cheeks reddened.

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