Page 68 of Four Times Saved

After that conversation, I think we're both trying to forget, or to move on? I don't know, but my head fell back as she glugged on my cock.

Ryan

Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, and it's still not enough to erase the panic. Well, in this case it's several glasses of blue cocktails because I thought the act of making it would keep me busy and distracted. I've lost count of how many I've had now. People talk about how good alcohol can make you feel. A LOT. How good it is at drowning out thoughts. But they forget about the times when it makes those thoughts louder and inescapable, and the images more vivid.

Outside on a chaise by the pool lit by soft blue lights that accentuate the crisp blue of the water, I guess you could say that's where I got the inspiration for the drinks. I wanted a tranquilizer. You know how swimming can turn your body into liquid itself? That's what I wanted for my brain. To forget. To relinquish all responsibilities. It would have been so much easier had I not prayed and were still angry, I could avenge those men for what they did to Lily with all the justification in the world.

But they say when you know better, do better and all that. Now, I've prayed, and I just know I can't carry on as if Lily's life wasn't saved because of that prayer. It's like I've opened a door that has been closed off all my life and I can't 'un-open' it. Now I know better, even if I can't put it into words and I'm bombarded by this moral responsibility to DO better. I don't want this responsibility. I want to forget that responsibility even exists.

Whatever Tyler chooses to do, that's on him. Not me. And there's nothing I can do about it. The most I can do is not go, and if I hear my mind echo, Well, you can turn him into the cops one more time, I'm going to pop a blood vessel. That's out of the question, so I guess that's blood on my hands then, because I did nothing to stop it. I down another cocktail, desperate for my head to just shut the fuck up.

While making my ninety-ninth glass of sapphire cocktail, I get a brilliant thought. I could leverage his relationship with his wife. I don't know much about their relationship and what she's okay with or isn't. After all, she's the one who sent him to us. But I do know he was whispering just as much as we were, and I know it wasn't because he was being polite. I watched as he went back over to her. His posture and everything changed. He's lying to her too and I doubt he'd want her to find out. Yeah, brilliant idea. I'll leverage that, won't I? It's such a brilliant idea it could get all of us killed.

I scoffed, cocktail glass clinking together with wine bottles, spilling Blue Curacao all over the tray next to my chaise as I attempted to make myself another drink.

Grinning to myself at the inanity of thinking I could scare Tyler into turning the scrotums that are Terry and whoever the other guy is—the right scrotum, yes, that's his name—I shot up from the lounger, knocking everything to the concrete pavement when Eric hollered for us. My heart almost leapt out of my mouth to go for a swim in the pool as I tried to keep from toppling over myself.

Managing, barely, I hurried in through the sliding back glass doors and into the house. Eric was carrying an unconscious Lily down the hallway and into the living room while Matt and Ethan ran amuck.

I'd never sobered up so fast, hurrying after them and over to Lily.

"What the hell happened?" I yelled, my legs shaking as I fell to the floor next to her, all while searching for my cell phone.

"One minute, we were...you know...her mouth just stopped moving. I opened my eyes to find her unresponsive. I thought she was so tired she fell asleep, but when I tried to wake her she wouldn't..." His voice was deep but shrill, I don't know how to explain it as he freaked out in front of me.

My heart pounded outside of my chest. I was pretty sure it was visible. "Did you call an ambulance?" I asked, trying to focus on the dancing numbers on my phone and swearing in frustration.

"Of course I called the fucking ambulance!" He yelled as Ethan came over with an ice pack and Matt tried to feed her water.

"What's taking them so damn long?" I also shrilled, checking her pulse with shaking fingers. I couldn't tell if that was my pulse or hers. But she was clearly breathing otherwise this house would be flipped on its head.

The door opened and all our heads turned in the direction like puppies following a toy. "Oh thank goodness." Ethan's big body swayed as his knees buckled.

The nurse pushing in Mrs. Thornbread took in the scene, parked the wheelchair and ran over to us.

"What happened?" She asked, and checked her pulse. She pulled on her eyes and pinched her skin.

Eric flustered while recounting what happened. The older woman, gotta give her credit, remained unfazed.

"She could just be dehydrated..." She didn't sound sure, or maybe I was just not convinced.

A dull ache grew as a possibility made itself known to me. "Do you think it has anything to do with the trauma to her head?" I asked. My breath shortened as she nodded.

"She did sustain two brain injuries in the course of a couple days," the nurse said and I saw red.

"What does that mean? Is she still in danger?" I jumped to my feet, alcohol making a cocktail out of my emotions. That 'anger' one expanded.

The nurse went pale, opening her mouth to speak again and time stood still, until Lily roused.

"What's going on?" She slurred, looking down at the blanket covering her naked body and reddening as she locked eyes with the nurse.

Oh, my fuck. My breath wooshed out of me as I hurried over to her, grabbed her face and kissed her.

"Be careful with her head." The nurse warned us as we all planted kisses on her face, pulling back at the reminder.

Just then the ambulance arrived.

"About fucking time!" Matt hissed, hurrying to the door and opening it.

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