Page 58 of Four Times Saved

She dropped her head. "Yes. He died six months ago." Her voice grew foggy, and she took a deep breath before raising her head. "Look, I want you to know that I don't judge you. I remember your story, and I want you to know that I'm proud of your progress. Working at the Women's Shelter was important to me because I'm a woman, first and foremost. And because I have friends and family members who have been victims of abuse, by partners and other family members. A lot of them didn't make it. Some of them don't have a support system. But you do. You have four men who love you."

I blushed at that. For some reason, I was still surprised when the public reminded me that they knew what was going on in my bedroom.

"Some of us can't even find one. Some of us only find one." Her eyes reddened. "Don't let anyone let you doubt the love they have for you. I've seen love in a man's eyes, and I see it in theirs when they look at you. What happened to you recently..." She shook her head, curling her lips in disgust. "It shouldn't have happened. But these men? They will go to the end of the earth for you."

It was as if she had heard my earlier thoughts and came through with a confirmation to put all my doubts to rest. Falling into her, I wrapped her up into a hug, thanking her as she rocked with me, our tears soaking each other's shirts.

"Right." She pulled away, mopping up her tears with the back of her hand as I wiped away mine. "So, this job gets me away from the house, you know? Plus, most of our money went into his medical expenses. My children offer to help, but I don't want to become a burden. When I heard of your Ethan's salary offer, I couldn't refuse."

A thousand times lighter than I was moments ago, a genuine smile spread to my cheeks. "I'm glad you're here."

"Oh!" She sniffled again as tears tumbled down her cheeks. "Thank you. I needed to hear that. I didn't want to be an obstacle."

Guilt washed over me from my initial ruminations. I was so caught up in me, I forgot that she was just a person doing a job, a job that would help give me time to recover and work on myself. As I watched her head to the room Ryan sacrificed, I let myself be comforted on my way into my mother's room.

My heart broke apart like splinters of glass as I watched her with renewed eyes. Hurrying toward her, I wrapped her in my arms. She wasn't my burden anymore; she was my mother, and I missed her. I wanted her back.

She was stiff as a board in my arms as I lay next to her in the bed, wishing for a miracle that would melt her body so that she could turn and hug me back. Although I wasn't sure she would if she could. Thank goodness for the nurse's earlier hug that filled that hole for now.

"So, it's been a couple days, hasn't it?" I spoke to her.

"It's been a couple days, hasn't it?" She echoed back.

I nodded, stroking her long gray hair, pulled back into a braid.

"You must have been wondering where I was. I've never left you that long, have I?" Choking on the welling up of tears, I cleared my throat. "I want you to know that I understand you now. I always knew dad..." The word gave me heartburn. "Was a monster, but I'm sorry for ever blaming you for not leaving him sooner. For years, I told myself I wasn't afraid of him. I convinced myself it would be easy to walk away from a waste of space like him. I even proved it to myself when I walked away from Marco. But Terry Thornbread is an evil man. A terrifying man. He..."

I gasped, considering whether or not to tell her what happened. At some point, it'd shift from simple venting to trauma dumping on a vulnerable person who couldn't talk back, so I swallowed what happened to me, kissing her forehead instead.

"It doesn't matter. All I want you to know is that I love you. I no longer judge you. I understand why you needed to escape and this is the only way you knew how." A tear fell onto her face and I wiped it away.

"Whenever you're ready, come back to us. We'll be waiting. And I know a lot has changed, don't be scared. We're in this together." My admission brought me a semblance of peace, but the stiffened silence in the room as we both lay together with unspoken words lodged in our throats left me longing, still, for a listening ear.

On cue, there was a knock on the door. It was Eric and he was holding a picnic basket.

Eric

There's only so much sex can do to help you forget for a few mind-blowing minutes at a time. But there are some things we aren't meant to forget; we're meant to confront our worst memories and push through in order to come out on the other side.

The sex between us now, it's a distraction, and I'm not complaining. It helps me too, to forget that we almost lost her. It has those endorphins popping off, but I still wake up in the middle of sleep to check that she's next to us. If she leaves my side for too long, to go to the kitchen, or hell, even the bathroom, I panic.

If I'm panicking, I know she's freaking the hell out without saying anything.

Back when we were teenagers, we used to confide in each other on a beach near our high school. We trusted each other with our deepest secrets, and our vulnerability. I know we're no longer kids, and she's just been through something she may not have words to process, but I want to remind her that I'm more than just her lover, I'm still her best friend. I also know that I broke the trust she had in me when she was vulnerable, and I ditched her. I'm hoping that I've made up for that in the past couple months, and she isn't still holding that against me.

As I said, we're no longer kids. I wouldn't run out on her like that again. Even if I was feeling like I had nothing to offer her when we finally got her back, as if I was just an extra, useless, tiny finger hanging off the hand of Ethan, Matt and Ryan, that could be cut off and I wouldn't be missed. I still couldn't leave her, because I promised myself to her. It's also why I've submitted my body to her, for her pleasure and mine. If that's all I had to offer in the moment, that's all I'd give. Except, before there was Ethan, Matt and Ryan, there was just Lily and me. I want to remind her of that.

The nurse told me that she was catching up with her mother, so I'd waited, but my excitement has me turning up at the door and swanning in.

"My love?" I call out with a grin and the picnic basket in my hand.

Lily's puffy, swollen eyes look up at me. She's curled up on her side, holding her mother on the queen-sized bed. The flat-screen TV on the wall before them is on low, but neither of them are watching it. The blinds are pulled, allowing a slight filter of sunshine into the muted purplish-gray room.

Mrs. Thornbread lies straight, on her back, her arms crooked in the air like hooks, which must be uncomfortable, but we know from experience that there's no moving them until she's ready. Lily tries desperately to hug her and my heart breaks, wanting to scoop her up myself and wrap her around me.

"Oh...I'm sorry," I hesitate. "Am I disturbing you?"

"No." She sniffled. Wiping her face and smiling, she rose from the bed, eyes on the picnic basket. "What's that?"

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