Page 117 of A Whole New Play

I find nothing in his stoic features.

“Yeah,” he says with zero emotion. “A good opportunity is a good opportunity. Why would distance make you turn it down?”

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what’s happening.

Carter is pushing me away, but I can’t imagine why. Just last night, we stayed up late watching a comedy show together. We ate popcorn and snuggled on the couch like everything was perfect.

And it was.

What the hell changed?

“What is going on, Carter?” I channel the confused energy into my no-nonsense tone.

He averts his gaze. “I think you should take the job.”

My heart fissures. “Are you being serious?”

He hesitates, but it only lasts a second before his determined eyes return to mine. “I am. We both know that being a nanny isn’t your long-term goal. You have an opportunity in front of you that could turn into something great. You shouldn’t let it pass you by.”

He’s not wrong, but there’s one thing he’s not addressing.

“What about us?” I hate how weak the words sound when they come out, but I can’t help it. I’m not stupid. His demeanor. His tone. The way he can’t hold my gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time… this conversation feels like a breakup. And I’m so blindsided that I’m unable to hide how much it hurts.

He clears his throat. For the first time in this conversation, there’s a crack in his stoic façade. “I think we both know what’s between us can’t last long distance.”

The fissures in my heart go even deeper.

“Then why would you want me to go?” I whisper, then take a breath and ask with more strength, “Is this about Laura? Or Sara? Whatever is causing these thoughts, let’s talk about it.”

Carter is a good guy. I’m sure this conversation is motivated by the desire to do what’s right for me.

But that’s the thing. He is what’s right for me.

This relationship, my work-life balance, the wide open future for my career… it’s all perfect. I’m exactly where I want to be in life. I’m no longer scared of the unknown. Instead, I embrace it.

I’m confident more job opportunities will find their way to me. I don’t want to chase one in California when it means I’ll be leaving so much behind. I refuse to.

I plan to say as much to Carter. I plan to reassure him that my decision, while influenced by our relationship, is not made based solely on it.

“This isn’t about anyone but us,” he tells me before I can speak. He swallows the lump in his throat. “But this relationship is going to run its course eventually, and I’d rather not feel guilty that you stayed in Texas when it does.”

The fissures in my heart expand until the organ shatters.

Blood roars in my ears and my vision blurs.

“Are you serious?"

Even through my watery gaze, I see the determined set of his lips when he nods and says, “Yeah, I am.”

Pain like I’ve never felt stabs every inch of my body like hundreds of needles are piercing my skin. All plans to reassure Carter fly out the window, and I’m left reeling at the choices left in front of me.

I can fight for our relationship.

I can insist Carter is wrong—that our relationship isn’t doomed to fail like he implies.

That me staying in Texas is about more than him and me.

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