Page 59 of A Whole New Play

Carter’s honor… his sense of humor… the way he cares about his kids… everything about him makes me want him.

It’s so damn heartbreaking to admit that no matter how much I wish it could be different, he’s never going to be mine.

And I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to get over that.

16

CARTER

“I really don’t think this is a good idea, Carlee.”

My sister flips her blonde hair over her shoulder and narrows her brown eyes that match mine at me from the passenger seat of Corey’s Range Rover.

My best friend drives down the highway toward downtown Dallas, tapping his thumb against the steering wheel to the beat of the song playing over the speakers, tuning out me and my sister as we argue about the same topic for the third time since I slid into the backseat.

“Stop being such a chicken. We were invited to the party and we’ve already told Megan we’d be there.” She mentions Valerie’s best friend—the same best friend who’d sent me an invitation to Valerie’s twenty-fourth birthday party in the mail.

I’d wondered how the young woman had gotten my address before remembering Valerie lived with me now. Still, I’d stood by the mailbox at the end of the drive, staring at the gold and black glittering invitation for far longer than necessary.

I didn’t know Valerie’s birthday was coming up, and that made me feel like shit.

But why?

It’s not like she and I were friend friends. We were friendly, sure, but at the end of the day, she’s my nanny. We don’t sit around getting to know each other through a round of twenty questions every night once the twins are asleep.

And yet, you know more about her now than the night you first slept together…

That’s an unavoidable consequence of Valerie moving in.

Now, I know Valerie likes to drink her coffee black most mornings, but on weekends she adds a splash of caramel creamer. I overheard her telling Abby she considers it a treat.

I also know Valerie is a runner. In all the time she worked as my nanny before moving in, I hadn’t picked up that. If I think about it, that’s not so unusual. It wasn’t like she went running while watching the kids. But now that she lives here, I’ve caught her tiptoeing out of the house before sunrise more than once.

That first morning, my anxiety had skyrocketed the entire time she was gone. If driving on the dark roads was dangerous, running along them wasn’t any better.

Sure, she had a light attached to the headband running across her forehead and she wore reflective clothes, but I wasn’t able to take a full breath until she walked back through my front door unharmed. She’d been gone for almost an hour, and I’d been ten minutes away from blowing up her phone until she answered to make sure she was okay.

I forget about my nanny’s exercise habits and focus on the conversation with my sister. “Valerie doesn’t even know we were invited,” I point out.

“Because it’s a surprise party,” Carlee counters. “She doesn’t know anyone was invited.”

“Exactly. So there’s no harm in bailing.”

Carlee turns fully in her seat and stares at me straight on. “What is going on, Carter? Why don’t you want to go to the party?”

Corey’s eyes dart to meet mine through the rearview mirror before flicking back to the road. My best friend knows me better than anyone else. I haven’t told him about hooking up with Valerie when I was on vacation, but I’m pretty sure he suspects something has gone down between me and my beautiful nanny.

“It doesn’t seem appropriate,” I say lamely, shifting in my seat. “I’m her boss.”

Carlee scoffs. “Then you shouldn’t have agreed to go, but you did.” Her gaze hardens with resolve. “Valerie doesn’t have many friends in town, and I’m not going to be a jerk who bails on her birthday party without good reason.”

I didn’t know that.

I’d assumed the young, outgoing beauty would have a flourishing social life—the kind I had in college before responsibilities forced me to grow up.

“Fine.” I cross my arms and stare out the window at the passing city and begin to mentally prepare myself to spend an evening at a club with the woman I can’t get out of my head, praying I’ll be able to hide my feelings from prying eyes when I’m around her.

I told Valerie to forget the kiss the night of the accident—I would’ve said anything to convince her to move in. Seeing her scratched up in that hospital bed had been hard. I felt responsible, and the guilt had made it nearly impossible to breathe.

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