Page 41 of Curvy Nanny for the Grumpy Single Dad

I sighed heavily and shook my head. “Right now, we both might say something we regret, which will result in the same thing, her leaving. I need to clear my head first.”

That moment never came though. Lucy refused to join us for dinner, and when I stood outside her door before heading to bed, there was nothing but silence.

There would be no more midnight sandwiches, unfortunately.

Chapter 25

Lucy

Ican’t even be surprised because I knew this would happen.

I knew Dante would turn into an even bigger jerk than his default setting, which should have been reason number one to avoid getting tangled up with him, but I didn’t think it would happen so soon. I figured, in my eternal optimism, that it would take a few weeks of naked time before he reverted into acting like an ass instead of ending things.

But things played out the way they had, and no amount of wishing or overanalyzing was going to change that, even if that’s what I wanted.

Thankfully it wasn’t what I wanted. I didn’t want to change a thing that had happened, because I was a firm believer in believing people when they showed you who they were. Dante thought that I would trade up as he called it, and not just with some rich guy, but with his best friend. That’s what he thought of me.

So I kept an emotional distance the way all childcare professionals were advised to do. It was difficult to be emotionally detached when dealing with small, vulnerable children. It was easy to let yourself pretend you were part of the family when you were nothing but the help. An employee. It was a lesson I’d learned the hard way when I first started out, and even though I promised myself I would never make that mistake again, here I was.

Making that same mistake, no not the same mistake, but worse this time round.

So yeah, I kept an emotional distance for the rest of Alex’s visit and beyond. I made sure I never forgot my role again. I was the nanny. Paid to teach and babysit Lena, nothing else. I wasn’t a family friend or a girlfriend or a lover. I was paid to be here and allowed to live in a suite of rooms as part of my salary. So I stayed in my room when I wasn’t on the clock. No more family dinners or movies. It was a lonely existence, but it gave me plenty of time to research fun but educational activities to do with Lena.

Thursday evening rolled around, and I sent a quick message to Toni, hoping I wasn’t interrupting her with her charge. “Is it all right if I stay at your place this weekend?”

She replied immediately. “You don’t even have to ask.”

I smiled, grateful to have such a good friend. “I just wanted to check since you refuse to let me pay rent.” I knew she didn’t need the money, but it made it hard to think of the spare room as mine when I didn’t pay for it.

My phone rang instantly and I answered with a smile. “The place is paid for Lucy, and I’m not in the habit of making money off of my friends. If you want to help out, keep it clean and pick up the mail, and feel free to stock the fridge with snacks and booze.”

I sighed. “I can do that. Thanks Toni.”

“No worries. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“Not particularly.” I didn’t want to talk about it at all. It was humiliating, and I’d rather just forget it. But Toni was my friend and she deserved some sort of answer, so I gave her a quick rundown that started with the kitchen kiss and ended with him basically calling me a slut. “The other shoe has dropped.”

“That son of a bitch!” Toni was furious and called Dante every name in the book. “Want me to kick his ass for you? Because I totally will.”

“No,” I sighed. “It’s not all that serious. It happened, and it’s over and in the past. I’m over it, or I will be soon enough.” That’s what I told myself every morning, and soon enough, it would be the truth.

“So you’re not leaving?”

“Hell no, I’m not. I’m here for Lena and I’m not going anywhere. This is also one of the best paying gigs I’ve gotten in a while, I have to think of my financial future.” I did have to seriously think about it, because at the end of the day, I had no one but myself to really rely on. I had to be able to take care of myself. Dante might be a complete asshole, but he paid well.

“Are you sure?” Toni’s concern almost made me doubt myself.

Almost. I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Yes, I’m sure. In time I’ll forget it, and one day it’ll be like a fuzzy memory of something you know happened, but can’t quite make out the details.” At least that’s what I was telling myself. “I have to believe that.”

“Well,” Toni sighed. “It sounds to me like you’re falling for him and your heart is breaking a little each time you try to convince yourself that you can forget him and just maintain a professional relationship.”

“I’m not,” I insisted, but even as I uttered the words, my heart ached at the denial and I wondered if I really was just lying to myself. “I wouldn’t do something that foolish.” Sleeping with Dante was foolish enough.

“It’s not like it’s something you can help, you know. You’re just human.”

“Doesn’t matter. Nothing is going to come of it. I’ll see you this weekend Toni, thanks again.”

One more day, I told myself as I ended the call with a sigh. The weekend couldn’t come soon enough. I would have peace and quiet, space to walk around the apartment, and best of all, a home-cooked meal. Until then, I opened the small fridge and pulled out a salad and a can of strawberry pop. It was nowhere near as good as Dotty’s salads, but it was enough.

---