Page 4 of Theo's Forever Love

“That admitting your feelings to me towards Jesse was hard enough and over time you’d hoped that you’d been here together talking to me, but in your heart and soul you had to let Jesse go,” Dad responded rolling his eyes at me as if what he said was the most ridiculous statement he’d heard. “That you believe a mistake is worth paying for forever more…”

“I—” I paused thinking that I didn’t actually say all of that to him, did I? “I know now I have to live my life. I can’t continue the way I have been.”

“Then maybe take your own advice, son,” he said firmly, turning on his heel before halting in his step and dropping his head down. “Otherwise, you’ll be stuck in this place you are in now, and never be able to move forward,” he added. “Trust me, son, you need to make a decision or this will seem like a bad nightmare that you’ll never wake up from.”

I watched my dad as he walked away out of the room and dropped my hands from my hair to cover my face, rubbing it hard out of frustration.

The worst thing was that my dad was right. I was stuck in a nightmare and I didn’t know how to escape the torment that I was putting myself through day after day.

It stopped now, though.

I needed to fight the loneliness and become the happy-go-lucky guy I was known for being.

I had to reconnect with the people who knew me. They didn’t need to know the ins and outs of my life story and what had sent me away. All they knew was I had to start laying foundations here and move to a place where I could call home knowing my dad would remain living close by my side. The dynamics and reasonings of how all that would work remained a mystery in my mind but I was going to do my best to figure it out. Checking in and sending Bree the odd text to check in on her and her boy, or Justin and Myles may just be what I need. I can control the responses and the amount of information I share. It’s not like I would have to visit them or anything.

It was time to hold myself accountable and to make some changes.

I vowed that I would live for each moment from now on and at this moment; I was breaking that promise to myself. It was time to deal with the mindset I’d become accustomed to and the emotions flowing within me.

First thing tomorrow I was getting back on my feet; instead of living on my dad’s pay packet any longer, I was going to find a job and pay my way.

It was time Theo Murphy got his A game back.

CHAPTER 5

Jesse

Twelve months I’d stayed here and taken advantage of my brother’s generosity, but tonight was the night I said goodbye to him. It’s time I went on a long overdue vacation and started a new chapter in my life. I had come to the realization that Theo’s dad, Harry, wasn't going to reveal anything to me about what was happening in his mind and the reasons behind Theo’s sudden departure. It didn’t help that I knew I had to be careful with what I said as I knew technically Harry wasn’t aware of Theo’s relationship status with me too, and the one thing I didn’t want to do was drop him in a situation where he may grow to hate me more than he already does. In our short but brief conversations, Harry remained loyal and true to his son—it’s what a dad did of course but one line stayed with me every day we talked, just give him time and don’t give up on him.

The thing was, how much time could I remain waiting for him to reach out and make contact? It wasn’t even me who caused this destructive path and was making us walk it. When the one-year mark hit since Theo finished things between us, I expected to be a mess and wanted to hide away from everyone, instead it was the kick I needed to change and look at my life and future.

I’d given enough of my time to him—enough chances to talk to me and explain what was wrong, even if that was by just being a friend—it was time to cut ties with them all and move on with my life. I’d had solidarity most of the time being here, spending time away from people when I wanted to, and not pushing any connections with people. But over the last few months, I’d ended up taking trips to The North Avenue Live and getting myself back into society again.

I’d actually made new friendships through my brother's inner circle of friends and instantly connected with Maxwell. The age difference between us and the way he instantly took me under his wing, helped ease my mind much to my brother’s dismay, especially when he acted much younger than his age and decided to drag me down a line of mischief sometimes. Maxwell was the voice of reason and the calming force within the group, someone who would never judge or show any disapproval. He looked at the larger picture in front of him before he ever gave advice and always had your back whenever you needed him to. He even offered me a position at his accountancy firm, Gratize Accountants, a few days a week in the offices working with Cole. It helped me begin to find my feet again and the confidence I’d lost, but also not become so reliant on Ant all the time, even though I’d forever be grateful to him and his support.

That’s why in some ways tonight I couldn’t help a tinge of guilt as I left the washroom and entered the bar. A few of the guys had found out I was taking some much-needed vacation time away for myself. well, it wasn’t like word wasn’t going to spread between them, Maxwell, Cole, my brother and Hardin were all best friends. The only thing was I hadn’t set a date for my return back to the grind of work and the busy streets of Manhattan. Maxwell had instantly understood my decision; my brother had required a bit more persuasion.

I wanted to go back to my roots where I had grown and found the true me, Sugarloaf Knob Mountain. The great outdoors and wilderness had once been a place where I had explored to please Theo originally; it had been his natural stomping ground and love. The thing was that I came to love it, and have come to realize the rush and freedom that comes with being in the wild can only be found here.

It’s been a huge wakeup call. One that I never saw coming.

One that I needed, though.

The fresh air, the open views, mountains with nothing and nobody around… perfection.

As crazy as it sounds, it was my safety net. A place that I had come to love and care about with all my heart. Somewhere that you could truly be at one with yourself and nothing else mattered.

It’s why I kept thinking that having a vacation here would be the perfect place to ground and refocus all my energy back where it belonged.

An opportunity to find the new me.

“Jesse, get your ass over here,” Hardin shouted as he rang the bell from behind the bar of The North Avenue Live, making all our friends chuckle at his outburst. It wasn’t like we weren’t used to it. Hardin was the life and soul of the party and the joint owner of the place alongside Ant. They’d finally got their act together and shortly after I’d shown my face again with a broken heart, the two of them found their way into each other's arms and realized they were meant to be. I mean the two of them were inseparable, and in my opinion, at times made my stomach queasy from the public displays of devotion. I mean, he is my brother and as much as I love him, I certainly don’t want to see him getting hot and heavy-handed with his guy at every given opportunity. “Time for some real liquor, not that light stuff.” He winked as he started lining up the shots along the bar for the group of us. “Can’t be celebrating your departure from us with light beer, can we?”

“Too true,” Maxwell cut in, slapping me on the shoulder before handing me a shot and handing one to Cole. “You need this.”

“Just because they want to sell the flat and expand the business,” I uttered, as Gaz chuckled at my words.

“He’s got you there.” Callum laughed back before shaking his head and grabbing a shot from the line that had been created on the bar counter. “How many of the group did you manage to get here at short notice?”

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