“Now was that really so hard to let out?” Dee smoothly asked before she placed my phone back in front of me. “I know you want my support and Walker; you always have it but understand this…” She winked. “Even if you didn’t, I don’t think it would make a difference.”
“Dee…” I warned.
She held up her hand to silence me. “Just from the way you communicate in messages, the way he makes you lose your words one moment and then the next, be fully in control of every word you utter. You’re a lost cause and nothing could stop the chemistry from igniting between the two of you…”
“Dee, the problem is…” I took a deep breath and let the words out. “Sebastian isn’t out of the closet. He…”
“That makes much more sense. He’s scared of being discovered, hence the constant ping-pong between the two of you. Walker, if you can get him to see himself for who he really is, then eventually the rest will all fall into place,” she murmured as she drifted into a deep thought. “But his secrets are safe with me. I guess he doesn’t know about me being here tonight yet?”
“I can always count on your discretion but you’re right, he doesn’t know,” I admitted in shame, knowing deep down that maybe I was just being a coward. I just didn’t want him to be a no show. “Maybe I should…”
“No, it’ll be fine. Trust the judgment you gave yourself originally,” Dee replied before standing up and taking a glance at the time. “Now shall we go and grab a burger and fries before you need to pamper yourself for the man of the hour? I know you’ll want to be looking your best.”
“That sounds perfect but I don’t know how much I can eat,” I honestly said which made Dee chuckle. “My stomach is churning and I can’t promise to keep it down.”
“Oh, this is going to be fun. You’ve got it so bad. Come on, let’s go before you end up having a full-blown panic attack over what clothes to wear.” Dee held out her hand and I gripped it gently, leaning most of my weight onto the edge of the table before pulling myself to stand.
“Wear?” I asked. “Dee, what do I…”
“Out. We can discuss it over food,” she ordered before directing me to head out of the bar. “Now.”
The moment I stepped out into the air and took in a breath away from the surroundings of the bar, I gained some much needed clarity. I never knew how much I needed Dee to take control but in that moment it forced me to lean on her for support. Deep down I understood that it didn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion was. It my own opinion that mattered. My heart and my emotions had become attached to Sebastian and even if my best friend didn’t agree, I couldn’t just switch off how I felt, even if I wanted to. He had somehow found a place inside my broken mess of a heart, just like Dee had all that time ago. I knew that I had more than enough love inside for the both of them.
“Thank you,” I whispered as I linked her arm in mine and started walking toward our favorite diner. “I needed you to make me see the bigger picture.”
“Well, I’d be a shit best friend if I didn’t help with that, wouldn’t I?” She chuckled. “Now if I don’t get any food in my stomach and soon, I’ll start scaring people with the growling it’s making.”
“Okay, I get it. One ravenous best friend needs food and fast,” I teased.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SEBASTIAN
I can’t remember the last time I’d taken so long in deciding on an outfit to wear. Everything seemed flawed and not perfect enough for the image that I wanted to portray. I didn’t want to turn up like the stuck-up guy in a suit I had been at the event we’d met at. Even though I knew my designer suits did amazing things to enhance my figure or the way I appeared as the laid-back guy while watching him perform the other night. Tonight, I wanted to give him a glimpse of the real person he would be letting into his life, not the expectations of what I thought everyone expected me to wear. It wasn’t like I could even talk to Jace about the monologue I was battling with inside my head. He’d just laugh and say it was a bar and to just rock up in anything I fancied. It didn’t actually matter though because in truth, I know he was right and that it wasn’t anything that could affect the moment I entered his bar. I still couldn’t help being nervous though. I wanted Walker to actually take notice of me the moment that I arrived.
I don’t know why I thought he wouldn’t after the interaction we’d shared together but I couldn’t help the lack of confidence I had in myself, especially with someone as fine as he was. Walker was everything a guy could want but he picked me. He didn’t go after a guy that was out in the open. Instead, he wanted the man that was locked in the closet that was too scared to stand proud in the crowd.
I took one more glance at myself in the floor to ceiling mirror in my bedroom and mentally prided myself on the final choice of clothing I’d decided on. My short hair was neatly styled at an angle with just a slight scruff at the front. I had applied a fine coat of wax that I knew was light enough that even if I started to sweat in the bar, it wouldn’t shift and move with the perspiration. I’d gone for a light gray shirt that complimented my blue eyes perfectly and after debating with myself, I’d rolled up my sleeves to my forearms and unbuttoned the first two buttons to show just a scattering of my chest hair to peek through the top. I paired it with my dark denim jeans that were nearly black and a pair of grey loafers, knowing that it brought the whole look to a more casual appearance. It felt natural and relaxed, unlike the storm of nerves that was brewing inside of me but I knew that if I allowed those feelings to take hold of me, I’d never walk out of the door tonight, let alone into The Hot Shot.
I wasn’t a guy who’d back away from a commitment when made to without another thought, I ordered the cab to come and collect me, dabbed on the same aftershave I wore on the night we met and made my way outside, ready to jump in the moment it pulled up alongside my property.
There was no going back now even if I wanted to. Walker wanted my attention and tonight he’ll have it, even if it’s not the way I ever envisioned it happening. One thing for certain though, we’d either have a plan on how this could work or it would be goodbye and this time, forever.
* * *
The moment I pulled up outside the bar, paid the driver and climbed out of the cab, I was shocked by the sight in front of me. I was expecting to have to queue up alongside groups of rowdy people who’d had one too many a drink and were waiting out in the cold for there to be space to enter The Hot Shot. Instead, I was greeted with a bare entrance and not even a bouncer to watch who came and went through the door. What in the name was going on here? I’d done my research this afternoon and had seen that the place had only been under new membership for a few months. It was as if the place was on its last legs and not a brand-new bar open to the area. It should be heaving, struggling to fight off the crowds and making a name against the competition surrounding them, but it seemed it was doing nothing of the sort.
I stored that information in the back of my mind, knowing that it wasn’t my place to get involved with Walker’s business. Instead, I lifted my head high and allowed my vision to take in my surroundings, accustoming myself to the bright lighting and fake smoke in the room. It didn’t take long for me to find him. There he was, stood below the illuminated neon sign, staring directly back at me. It was as if no one else existed around us; just the two of us, alone in this moment.
I made my way toward the bar but at the same time I spotted the woman from the event standing by his side… Fuck! I took in a deep breath and carried on heading toward Walker and the woman until only the wooden bar separated us.
“You came,” Walker smoothly spoke. “I wasn’t sure if you’d decide against it. Do you remember Dee?”
“I do. It’s nice to see you again. I-I was just in the area,” I began to say when she rolled her eyes and indicated for me to come closer to her so she could whisper something in my ear. Walker shrugged his shoulders at me, but he had a slight grimace on his face as he wrung a towel between his hands. He paused to throw it over his shoulder and damn did he look fine, even in just a casual pair of ripped jeans and a tight fitted black t-shirt. “Erm…”
“I won’t bite. I promise.” She raised her brow as I placed my hands on the edge of the bar and leaned towards her. “Sebastian, you don’t need to start freaking out. I know.” I pulled back slightly and caught Walker’s eye before Dee grabbed my attention again. “I’m his best friend and I won’t betray his confidence. So that means I won’t betray you either but if you hurt the guy…”
“It goes to say, I won’t. Walker holds all the power here,” I said confidently. It was the first time I’d actually felt conviction behind the words I’d expelled. Walker could destroy me so easily just with a few words to the right people. “I’m the one who—”