Page 34 of Holy Sinner

“They’re not crazy,” I lie.

“Yeah, not to you because they’re making you crazy, too.”

I chuckle at that. “You might have a point with that,” I admit, because it’s true. I know I’m not the same as I was before I fell in love with Grant and Rafe. I don’t think I mind it, though. Not when I really look at it.

We’re silent for a second before Alana speaks. “I want you to know the movie is not in danger. There’s no fucking way I’m letting anything stop it.”

My chest goes tight and I feel warmth spread through my body. I know she won’t.

“I know.”

“I mean it, Kit. Just because some homophobes or whatever don’t like the idea of two dicks touching doesn’t mean shit. They don’t get a say in shit.”

I smile. “I think it’s more that I’m with them that's the problem. Not the two dicks touching.”

“Fine, people who hate women being happy can fuck off. They are not stopping this movie. It’s going to be a hit. Everyone knows it.”

“You think so?” I ask and there’s no hiding how nervous I sound. By The Way was my first book, the most raw story I’ve ever written and the movie is going to be more of the same. It’ll be like looking at a piece of myself. As scary as it is letting other people see it on screen, there’s no version of the world that I don’t want to see the movie completed and successful.

“I know it. You do too and you’ll remember that once you stop being scared.”

“I’m not scared,” I lie.

“Honey…” her voice trails off and I know my best friend sees right through me.

“It’s just,” I swallow hard and hold my cell tighter, “it’s unnerving how the person who took those photos got so close,” I say, because that’s all I can say. I can’t tell her about the photos that have been peppered in from my past. She knows those photos are old but she doesn't know what or where they’re from. As far as Alana knows, my life didn’t really start until I met her at Harvard. The years before that are grayed out, lost to the time before. That’s exactly how I want them to stay.

“I know, honey,” Alana murmurs and then goes silent. “I-I, well, it’s like you have a…” her voice trails off and I know she wants to say something.

“I have a what?”

“I don’t want to say. You know how I am. Dramatic.”

“What were you going to say?”

“Kit, it’s nothing.”

“Alana, please.”

“A stalker, Kit. It’s like you have a stalker. It doesn’t feel like it’s just the paparazzi taking pictures. I-this feels like someone is after you, Kit. Have you told the police?”

My stomach goes tight and it feels like I’ve swallowed a stone. A stalker means someone watching my every move. Being with Grant and Rafe means every move I make is watched by the public but that’s different, or at least it feels that way. If I’m being watched by everyone it feels more normal, but one person?

That feels sinister.

There’s only one thing I’ve ever done in my life that I didn’t want people to see and if I have a stalker they know what it is. They have to, with the photos they’re using to scare me. Because as scary as it is knowing someone took photos of me while I slept, that’s not what scares me.

It’s what a stalker might know about my past.

How long have they been watching me? Has it been all these years?

Why would they be doing this to me now?

“Kit, did you hear me?” Alana’s voice sounds small and tinny in my ear but it pulls me out of my spiral enough and I nod, even though she can’t see it.

“I-I, yeah, I’m good,” I whisper and sink down onto the bed. It’s big and plush, soft and comforting and the sheets smell like my men. I close my eyes and inhale deeply as my fingers twist in the blankets beneath me and I feel my shoulders drop slightly.

“I’m good,” I whisper to Alana with a tight smile she can’t see. “I, um, we don’t need to involve the police. I’m fine, really. There’s going to be added security at the next site.”

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