Page 76 of Holy Sinner

“Two hours? But how-I mean, how are you going to get to set and back every day? That’s too far.”

Grant sighs. “It’s not too far to keep you safe.”

“There has to be a closer place.”

“Not one that had the security we needed to keep you safe,” Rafe says.

I know from the sound of my men’s voices that there’s no real arguing with them but I try it anyway. “You cannot be driving two hours to set and back just for me. You’re going to be exhausted.”

“I’ve worked in worse conditions. Having you safe and in our bed at the end of the night is going to make it worth it. I’d drive twenty hours a day if I needed to,” Grant tells me. He means it. I know he does and tears prick my eyes suddenly. I sniffle into the dark as the weight of what I have bears down on me and crushes me in the best way.

“That wouldn’t leave a lot of time to film. Not very good time management,” I joke when a tear rolls down my cheek. Rafe shifts towards me, Grant following close behind.

“Why are you crying, shy girl?”

I swallow and roll the words around in my head. I want to tell him what I feel but I don’t know if I’ll get it right. It’s always been easier for me to write how I feel instead of saying it. I guess that’s why I’m a writer. It makes it easier to get the words right in times like now.

“I just feel really overwhelmed with how much you both love me,” I say and give them honesty. “I never thought I would have people who love me like you do in my life. Everything still doesn’t feel real. Every morning that I wake up next to both is like a dream come true.” My voice thickens because the lump in my throat is harder to get around but I manage to do it. “Every morning I wake up, I’m terrified that it was all a dream and you won’t be there.”

Grant and Rafe move against me simultaneously. It’s like they’re pulled to me on a rope and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding when I feel their bodies press against mine. I relax and let them move me where they want until I’m cradled between them. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I can feel their hearts beating where they’re holding me. This has to be what heaven is like.

“You are never going to wake up from this dream,” Grant whispers against my ear. He kisses the top of my ear and moves to drop a kiss to my jaw. “And if you did, I’d drag you back under.”

I laugh. “You would.”

“You are our dream come true, shy girl. Everything makes sense with you here.”

I lean my head into the crook of Rafe’s shoulder and smile. “I love you both. I love you so much.”

“Does that mean you won’t fight us on the two hour drive?” Rafe asks. He sounds hopeful. He’s lucky I’m feeling in a lovey-dovey mood.

“I won’t fight you but I will complain about how much you’re driving just for me.”

“I can take the complaining if you don’t mean it.”

“I won’t,” I promise.

We’re all silent then. It’s just the beating of our hearts and the soothing sound of our breathing before I clear my throat and say the thing that I probably shouldn’t say.

“Is the new place near her?” Both men go still. They feel like stone but they do keep holding me, so I take that as a decent sign to keep speaking. “I looked her up, you know. After I, well—after I realized what she’d done to you both.”

Grant had told me that first date we had and later, Rafe had too. In those quiet moments when we were together and still, like now. Maybe that’s why I’m bringing it up now when I should probably just stay in our love bubble and go to sleep.

“You shouldn’t have done that, shy girl.”

“She’s filth, sweetheart.”

“I had to know where she was.”

The she was Dottie Bee. Once upon a time she’d used her power over the men I loved to take advantage of them. It wasn’t the first time an older, more powerful star in Hollywood used their position to fuck their younger costars but this was close to home. These were my men and I’d idolized Dottie Bee when she was on the legendary soap opera Lighthouse Dreams. That soap had been a never miss watch for me. And where I’d first seen Grant and Rafe.

I’d been an awkward teenager starstruck by the perfect men on screen like every other girl at my high school. I could never have guessed what was going on behind closed doors with their older co-star. Even now, thinking of my men forced to do something they never wanted, doesn’t compute. They’re so sure of themselves, so in control, that part of me doesn’t believe it ever happened to them. I know that’s just the part of me that wants to pretend Rafe and Grant have never been hurt by the world.

But that’s love, isn’t it?

Knowing the person you love the most can take care of themselves, that realistically they’re so much stronger than you but you still want to fight the world off for them if it means they can go on without that weight.

I would fight and die for Rafe and Grant. There’s no question in my mind about it.

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