Page 136 of Falling in Love with Two

When the nurse comes in, she’s accompanied by our doctor. He looks at the screen and whispers with the nurse for a moment.

He walks over and rubs his hands together as he speaks. “Leah, I could give you a bunch of medical jargon about what’s going on, but right now, we need to get that baby out.”

“Do I need to start pushing?”

“No. You’re not far enough dilated. We are going to have to do a c-section.”

Fear is written all over Leah’s face, but they don’t give her much of a chance to respond before getting her ready for transport to an operating room.

Everyone crowds around the bed, so I take a moment to walk away and text my mom. If anyone knows how to handle stressful situations, it’s her. I’d like her here in case anything goes wrong.

I follow them up to the operating room and scrub in so that I can be with Leah the entire time.

When they let me inside, I stand by her head and try to comfort her as best I can.

She looks up at me with wide eyes. “Dylan, I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. I’m here. It’s all going to be okay.”

Trying not to cry, she says, “In case something happens, I need you to know something. I love you. And I’m not just saying that because I may die. I’m saying it because it’s true. I’m sorry I’ve been too afraid to say it before now.”

“I love you too, Leah. So fucking much.”

forty-six

Longest Ten Minutes of my Life

Leah

Do you know how terrifying it is to be lying on an operating table while a doctor basically rearranges your organs? I’m trying my best to keep it together, but I’m not doing a great job. Surprisingly, it’s not me that I’m worried about.

It’s the baby.

Guilt overwhelms me because for a good chunk of this pregnancy, I felt indifferent. At the beginning, I was even resentful that I was sharing my body with something that made me sick. The vomiting, the soreness, and the fatigue all overwhelmed me. I never really got to bond with the baby, and now, I may never get to.

One of the nurses gives Dylan a stool so that he can sit by my head and try to keep me calm.

When I told him I loved him, I meant it. I feel so dumb for not saying it before now. It shouldn’t take fear of death for me to confess my true feelings.

What does that say about a person?

Worry about that later, Leah…when you aren’t in the middle of a crisis.

After I told Dylan I loved him, the doctors and nurses got right to work, not giving us much time to talk.

Now, he leans over me, rubbing my head through the shower cap-looking thing they put on me.

He whispers, “I didn’t get to say it before, but I love you too, Leah. I love you so fucking much. I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

“Dylan, I’m scared.”

“I know, baby. But you’re so strong, and so is our daughter. Everything is going to be alright.”

I tell him, “I need you to stay up here by my head. I don’t want you to see what I look like on the inside.”

He laughs. “I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

“Promise?”

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