Page 141 of Falling in Love with Two

When we hang up, I turn my attention back to Leah who is now crying even harder.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I ask, sitting down next to her. “Did my mom upset you?”

“Not at all. Your mom is wonderful. Your whole family is. I just wish that my mom had that same mindset. I always thought that if I had kids, she would be here.”

“I’m sorry, Leah. I know it makes you sad—”

She cuts me off. “I’m not sad. I’m pissed. She’s a bitch who doesn’t care about her daughter or granddaughter. Who acts like that? You want to treat me like trash, fine. But our daughter didn’t do anything to be treated like that.”

I listen to her continue to vent for a few minutes until her tears turn to white hot rage.

When she takes a breath, she says, “Sorry. I’m just—”

“A momma bear?”

“Something like that.” She smiles.

I pull her close and kiss her on the head. “Atta girl.”

forty-eight

You can always Tell me Again

Leah

Two days later…

“So, your mom got the travel crib set up for us?” I ask Dylan as we are driving home from the hospital.

“Yes. That will get us through the next couple of days. I’ll work on getting the nursery set up.”

“Sounds good.”

He reaches over to hold my hand. “Hey,” he says to get my attention.

I look over at him. “Yeah?”

“You’ve been really quiet, and let’s be honest, that’s not like you at all. What’s wrong? Are you still hurting?”

“I’m a little sore, but that’s not it.”

“Okay, what is it?”

I sigh. “I just feel all over the place. The past two days, I have had a ton of people telling me what to do and how to be a mom. The lactation nurse told me I was doing it wrong. Then that other nurse who told me that I’m probably going to have to use formula because I wasn’t producing enough for Luna. Your mom and sisters tried to give me advice, which I appreciate, but—”

“It’s a little too much all at once?”

“Yeah. I’m already questioning myself as a mother, and hearing other people try to give me their two cents makes me question it even more. It doesn’t help that my hormones are all out of whack. I’m sure I wouldn’t usually be this crazy about it. I’d just let it go.”

We are stopped at a light, and he looks over at me. “It doesn’t matter what your hormones are doing. What you are feeling matters. I’ll tell my mom and sisters to chill out.”

“You don’t have to do that,” I tell him. “I don’t want them to think I’m not grateful for everything they’ve done for us.”

“They won’t be offended, gorgeous. They’ll understand. You need to figure out this motherhood thing on your own, and you can ask for their input if you want it.”

We go back and forth, and I make him promise to let it go. I hope he actually listens.

Not only has the past couple of days been overwhelming with all of the opinions that have come pouring in, but it’s also been rough trying to recover. My incision is super sore, so the doctor recommended putting an ice pack on it a few times a day. To keep me from having to hold it on there constantly, they gave me what can only be described as a giant mesh diaper to wear that keeps it in place.

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