Page 30 of A Constant Reminder

Chapter 18 – Sam

Twenty minutes after a few of mind-blowing orgasms, Tyler and I were sitting across from one another in our oversized bathtub.

The bathroom was bathed in candlelight as Mason slept on the rug beside the tub. He tried climbing in with us, but after several failed attempts, he decided a nap was a better option.

“Damn, baby, that was amazing,” he said eyeing me over the bubbles that lay between us.

“I told you I wouldn’t break, Trust Fund. I like it when you’re a little rough with me,” I bit my lip, turning myself on again just thinking about it.

“I like being a little rough with you too. It’s sexy as fuck. But I also enjoy taking my time with you…teasing you a little.” The glint in his eyes told me that’s what I might be in store for later.

We went back to soaking in the hot water in silence for a few minutes until Tyler finally spoke, “Can we talk?”

My eyes found his and immediately, I knew where this conversation was headed. He wanted to discuss all the things that I’d been avoiding.

I could have killed him for luring me in with a relaxing bubble bath, and then cornered me. Usually, I didn’t do well in situations where I felt trapped, but maybe it was a perfect opportunity for me to explain things in a way that made him understand my point of view.

So, all I did was nod.

He began, “It bothers me that you always say you’re fine. I worry that maybe you’re not fine all the time, and it’s okay if you’re not. You know I am here for you to talk to.”

I knew he worried about me, and it was appreciated, but maybe it was a bit too much. Silently, I took a moment to choose my next words carefully.

“Ty, you might not think I’m feeling enough, but four years ago when this happened, all I did was feel. Those feelings consumed me in such an unhealthy way. They made me throw up a wall and disappear within myself. I became an empty shell of who I once was.

“I moved across the country to a place I’d never been to before…into an apartment with a roommate I’d never met before because it felt safer than staying in Armstrong.”

I sighed. “Before I left, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t sleeping. Hell, I finished my high school degree online so I didn’t have to see anyone. I never left the house.”

Tyler rubbed my feet as he continued to listen without interruption.

“After I moved here, I began slowly feeling comfortable around Emily, and I started tutoring. Gradually, I started feeling more and more like myself. And finally I met you…”

I gave him a big smile. “This man who I thought was just another rich prick…who wouldn’t leave me alone…started to make me believe in love again no matter how much I fought it. He made me believe that maybe I’m worth loving after all.”

Finally, he spoke. “Sometimes, I just feel like you’re trying to act like it didn’t happen at all.”

I scoffed. “Of course, I know it happened. I remember it like you wouldn’t believe. Every time I look down at my arm…every time I walk past that spot in the kitchen…every time I see the tiny looks of pity in everyone’s eyes…it’s a constant reminder. But I can’t let it control my life.

“Tyler, I know you’re worried about me. The first time, I let James scare me into wasting years of my life. Years. I can’t do that again. I won’t do that again.

“Believe me when I say I’m dealing with this in my own way. I’m living my life and not letting him win. And when I say I’m fine, I need you to believe that I am at least trying to be fine.”

This time, it was time for him to take a moment to gather his thoughts. He rubbed his scruffy face with his hand while thinking.

“Sam, you’re pretty amazing. Do you know that?”

“Oh, stop,” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m serious, Sam. You’re an amazing woman, and I love you so fucking much. And I’ll try to take you at your word…if you promise me that if things do get too heavy, you’ll come talk to me.”

“Okay, deal,” I smiled at him.

And we sealed it with a kiss.

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