Page 83 of The Rules of Dating a Younger Man

The friction from the loofa gliding across the bottom of my foot wasn’t enough to snap me out of it. As much as I loved spending time with Caitlin, guilt always crept in that I hadn’t told her Brayden and I had slept together. I’d convinced myself she didn’t need to know, since I’d vowed to stay away from him. Why make her uncomfortable with that information if we were truly over?

Over. If only it were that simple. Maybe this would be easier if Brayden hadn’t told me he loved me. Those words haunted me. I hadn’t been expecting a declaration of love. I’d known his feelings were strong… But love? He loved me. I realized I’d known I loved him for some time before that, even if I couldn’t fully admit it to myself. But I’d never imagined that he felt the same way. It made ending things so much more bittersweet. Though we couldn’t be together, I’d always be touched that he’d cared so much.

Caitlin’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts. “Hey, what are you thinking about over there? You’re totally spaced out.”

I turned to find she had closed her magazine and was looking at me—for God knows how long.

“Just enjoying this quiet time.” I cleared my throat.

“You’re in la-la land. We usually talk while we’re here, use the time to catch up. It’s one of my favorite things about getting our nails done together.”

I shook my head. “Sorry… I suppose I was caught up in my thoughts.”

“Is something going on?”

I swallowed. “Nothing bad or anything.”

“Is it about Brayden?”

I tensed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I’m not stupid. You told me you’d ended things the last time you saw him, but I know you downplayed it—for my sake. Which I truly hate, by the way.” She raised a brow. “Did you hear from him again? Is that why you’re preoccupied?”

“No. We haven’t spoken since Seneca Falls…since we lost the permit.”

“It’s a shame that happened,” she said. “I have a feeling if you had kept seeing him, the two of you would have ended up together.”

“Actually I was thinking the opposite,” I told her. “It was a damn good thing they stopped work on the house because it basically solved my problem for me. The dilemma was never whether I needed to stop seeing him, but rather how I was going to make that work while having to see him week after week.”

Caitlin looked down at the man working on her feet for a moment, then back up at me. “I don’t understand why you didn’t listen when I told you it didn’t bother me. It was a shock at first, and I didn’t handle it well—I’m sorry for that. But I would’ve been okay with it. Your happiness is worth any little discomfort that was left.”

The two nail techs seemed to pause at the same time to look up at us before returning their attention to our feet. This soap opera had apparently garnered their interest.

I lowered my voice. “I do believe you felt okay with it when you said that. If I had moved forward with that relationship, though, once the reality set in—you had to see us together and spend time with us—it would’ve bothered you, whether you realize that now or not. But it’s all a moot point, Caitlin, truly. It’s over.”

Her eyes lingered on mine. “I don’t know. I don’t feel like it’s over in your head. It’s especially not over in your heart. I still see the look on your face when you talk about him. It’s not like any other expression you have. You really care about him.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry if I’m not very good at hiding it. But I made a decision, and I’m sticking with it, okay? I need you to respect that. I’m not gonna lie. It hasn’t been easy. But I’m hoping as time goes on, it will get easier. It’s been three months.” Three excruciating months. I pressed a button to turn on the massage chair. “For all I know, he’s dating someone else now. The sooner I can move on, the better. You insinuating that I made the wrong decision isn’t helping. It doesn’t change anything.”

She frowned. “I’m sorry. You did what you felt you had to do. I don’t agree, but I know it was a sacrifice for me…because you thought it’s what I needed. I just wish things were different. I want you to be happy.”

“I know,” I muttered, looking down as the woman applied a bright pink polish to my toes. I shook my head. “I think we need to move on to a lighter subject.”

“Okay. Lighter subject.” Caitlin grinned. “We’ve got to get you on a dating app.”

“Ugh. That’s not lighter.” I laughed. “That’s torture.”

“Well, it’s something we should talk about. I agree that it’s not exactly fun out there—believe me, I know. But it’s kind of necessary if you’re going to get over him.”

I sighed again. “Wells has been trying to convince me too. I’m certain one of these days he’s just going to set up the dating profile for me, if he hasn’t already.”

“Count me in on that. I can help him. I’ll tone down his crazy write-up. Because you know Wells will go off the rails with that shit.”

“Can you imagine if he had total control? These men would think I liked my nipples clamped and my ass whipped.”

Caitlin laughed. “Maybe I should have him set up mine.”

I chuckled. “I’ll be seeing Wells tonight, so I can pass along the message.”

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