Page 63 of When The Night Falls

The curve of William’s brows told me that he had not anticipated the conversation to take such an existential turn.

‘No, I agree,’ he said. ‘Procreation doesn’t have to be the sole meaning of life. But without it, there’d be no life. So, in the end, without life – without reproduction – there’d be nothing to add meaning to.’

I tittered. ‘Valid point, but still, I said “exclusively”.’

I watched as his familiar crooked smile surfaced on his mouth, and this time, the vulnerability it veiled was clearer than ever. ‘I’m assuming now that, by “reproduction”, you also mean love.’

‘Well, I suppose you can love without reproducing. But, genetically, we’re wired to fall in love in order to ensure reproduction – that’s my understanding, at least. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that there’s so much I want to explore before I go down that route, so I need things to happen in a specific order. First, I establish my career, and after that, I’ll probably be open to finding a partner.’

William swallowed another bite of sushi. ‘So it’s about self-realisation.’

‘I guess you could call it that.’

The corner of his mouth tugged up briefly. ‘You’re surely at the top of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.’

‘Yes. I’m privileged that way.’

William gazed away for a moment, looking contemplative. ‘Have you ever been in a relationship before?’

I frowned. He already knew the answer to that. ‘No, but what’s that got to do with anything?’

‘Well, it just sounds like you’re severely overestimating what’s required of you.’

‘What do you mean?’ Jason asked.

William met his gaze. ‘That having a relationship doesn’t have to equal stunting your professional life. When two compatible people are together, it usually works out with little effort. Compromises are made and, frankly, it offers a support system that might even help you prosper and reach levels you otherwise would not. I just don’t think it’s necessary to choose one or the other. It’s possible to do both. You can have a relationship without it jeopardising your career, as long as it’s with the right person.’

Jason faced me. ‘He might be right,’ he said, shrugging. ‘He speaks from experience.’

Did he? I looked at William, curious.

‘Anyway, back to Nietzsche,’ William said, and I chuckled. He clearly wasn’t interested in discussing his romantic life.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined this interaction to unfold the way it did, but we remained at the table for a good while, talking about everything between heaven and earth. Jason and William shared heart-warming stories about their childhood together, and I adored listening to them. The strength of their bond was truly something I admired, because it was even deeper than mine and Phoebe’s.

Tales from William’s days as a student were particularly riveting, because his inexorable drive was clear between the lines. We dived into politics, too, and I was amazed when I learned that William and I shared the same view on almost everything. From there, the conversation travelled to music and art, films and literature. We even discussed celebrity gossip, although none of us boasted much knowledge on that.

The whole experience was so intense that I caught myself wondering once more if I would regret not pursuing anything more with him. Our chemistry was more apparent now than ever, and I wasn’t blind to it.

But he was still Jason’s brother.

And he was still going to be my boss.

In other words, he was totally off limits.

Pursuing him was a terrible idea for so many reasons. So why couldn’t my heart seem to agree?

‘You should take it,’ Jason said when Aaron called again, his tone strict. ‘It might be urgent.’

‘Yeah, you’re right.’ I sighed and excused myself from the table.

‘Hello?’ I answered as I walked into my bedroom.

‘Sorry, were you asleep?’

The sound of Aaron’s voice made my chest ache with guilt. He hadn’t the faintest idea that I was currently having dinner with one of my previous bed partners, and he definitely didn’t know that I was enjoying every second of it. I felt like I was cheating on him, even though I wasn’t.

‘No. What’s up? Is everything all right?’

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