Page 117 of When The Night Falls

‘It’s because you’re the only one that I want,’ he finally said.

My breath caught. The shock brought my heart to a halt, and when it resumed beating, it hammered like never before. Rendered mute, I tried to swallow, but my throat was aching so terribly that it did little to ease the pain.

After all this time, I struggled to fathom that he remained devoted to me.

He looked back, his eyes glimmering with a dream unrealised. ‘I am open to something more only with you.’

I couldn’t find the words to say. I was completely stunned.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said then, and his tone was filled with remorse.

‘F-for what?’

‘For telling you this.’ He grimaced. ‘For making you believe I was with someone else. For making you believe I did to her what I would only do to you.’

It felt like my chest was about to explode with a million butterflies. Utterly dazed, I said, ‘You’re not mine, Will.’

‘But I am,’ he said resolutely. ‘Even if you don’t want me.’

Disbelieving of what he had just said, I started to tremble. Intense heat engulfed my cheeks, and when he saw it, a faint smile claimed his mouth, but there was sadness in it – wistfulness. His eyes wandered across my face, studying the pinkness. After a while, his smile transitioned into the crooked version I often saw in my dreams.

I didn’t know how to react. The extremity of my feelings was drowning out every single one of my thoughts. All I knew was that I was desperate for some space. I needed time to process this.

Totally confused, I grabbed my bag and said, ‘I should go.’

He nodded vaguely and opened the door. ‘I want you to know that I won’t let this affect anything in terms of work.’

I approached him slowly, too overwhelmed to look at him.

Just as I was about to pass him, he said, ‘Hopefully you can just forget that we ever had this conversation.’

I looked up at him then, pausing. ‘Why would I ever want to?’

His eyes widened, and I heard him take a sharp breath. Staggered, he stared back at me.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Will.’

He didn’t reply.

As I walked away, everything seemed bizarre. My body felt like a gooey mess, all because of his romantic declarations. Had he truly meant it? He hadn’t moved on?

Feeling his gaze on my back, I glanced over my shoulder, and my heart contracted at the sight. He was staring at me as if I were the dawn when all he had ever known was the dark of night.

19 | just give it a thought

Because I’d had no idea what to wear, I had settled for a maroon-coloured Bardot dress that hugged my figure. I felt opulent in it – ready to seduce the night.

It was Friday now, and Ellie had begged me all week to go to a club with her, where we would meet Brian – her fiancé – after we’d had post-work drinks at Disrepute with our colleagues. That was why I had struggled with deciding what to wear tonight. It wasn’t easy to find a dress that would be suitable for a posh cocktail bar as well as a nightclub, but I was pleased with my choice.

I had felt a bit hesitant about returning to Disrepute. It was where I first met Will, so I was certain the surroundings would evoke the memory of his skilful hands sliding across my naked body.

And I was right. Aroused, I inhaled sharply, my eyes searching for his presence, but it was nowhere to be found. Nevertheless, I could have sworn I felt him within me right then, hard and forceful as he rammed deeper than any other man ever had.

I had just arrived and was sitting with Ellie when I sensed someone coming through the door. Because I hoped that every person who entered would be William, I refused to look; I didn’t want to betray my foolish expectation.

I had no idea if he would show up at all. Sometime after lunch, he had asked me whether I was coming today, and when I had confirmed that I was, he had fallen silent. I had asked whether he would come as well, but his reply hadn’t been definitive. All he had said was, ‘I’m not sure yet.’

Since it was only Lawrence who arrived, my heart sank with disappointment, but at least I could dare to look properly in his direction.

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