Page 38 of Ring My Bell

Only to be attacked by a bear.

Okay, the stuffed replica of Bremen, only half size.

Well. More like fell on than attacked, but the effect was similar.

“Get it off me! Get it off me! Oh my god, it’s got claws!”

Paige hurdled the prone bear and struggling asshole, rushing towards our hiding spot. “Guys, I called the cops! Oh my god, help me get him to stay down!”

I nudged us out of the wardrobe, tumbling us both the floor as Paige ran to us. “Are you okay?” I demanded, scrambling to my feet. “I thought you were at the festival! Where’s Gerald?”

“Still schmoozing,” they laughed shakily. “I left him talking to some British guy who books acts for Glastonbury.”

“Glastonbury?”

“Iggy, baby, focus,” I grunted, trying to shove Mini-Bremen off a still-cursing and shouting Raymond. “Ya know, maybe leaving him here isn’t a bad idea, till the cops come.”

“You’re in my house,” Raymond snarled. “You’re getting arrested, not me! The libel, the assault, the—”

“The fact this isn’t your house,” Paige put in. Glancing at me, they gave a half-shrug. “I checked online. No big. It’s a rental. And it was off the list of available properties because it needs a lot of work.” They jerked their chin at Raymond. “He used to own it, though. The bank got it back about two years ago when he wasn’t able to make payments.”

“Seriously, between you and Gerald, you’re our own behind-the-scenes team in a sixties action-adventure series,” Iggy said admiringly.

Paige raised a fist. “Thunderbirds are go!”

“I mean, I was thinking more like James Bond, but that works too.”

The wail of sirens was welcome for once. I abandoned my half-hearted attempts to move the bear from off Raymond, and we headed for the cabin’s porch with Paige in tow. “What’re we going to do about squatting in a rental?” I muttered as the cop cars pulled up. “That’s pretty freaking illegal.”

Paige smiled tightly. “Play dumb, guys. Blame it on Raymond. We’ll sort it out later.”

“How’d the bear end up falling on him anyway? I thought it was in that creepy study,” I murmured.

Paige winked at me. “I’m stronger than I look. I came in through the back door just after he got here—I ran all the way from the lodge. I was trying to get to the office to call the cops, but he heard me. The bear was… convenient. By the bye, whoever said jogging is good for you is full of shit.”

“You pushed the bear onto him?” Iggy demanded. “Seriously?”

Paige smirked, pointing to a black SUV pulling up behind the cops, followed by a sedan and then an official-looking truck with the logo of an entertainment channel on the side. “Smile for the paps, boys.”

* * *

Iggy clutching my arm, Raymond was bundled into the back of a police car, face red and mouth open, still shouting. Within hours, his face was splashed all over the tabloids, entertainment news shows, and more than a few social media platforms. The festival ground to a halt for several hours but was in full swing again by the time Gerald came crashing into the cabin, all rosy cheeks and bright eyes.

“Everyone wants to buy you guys a drink!” he bellowed. “But don’t worry, I took ‘em for you! You can totally give statements now!”

Paige abandoned their cup of tea at the table and grabbed his arm, steering him towards the back bedroom. “I’ve got him. You guys better check your phones. Or actually, turn them off for the night and get a lawyer.”

“What? Are we gonna get sued?” Iggy demanded, his voice pitching up a bit higher than usual. “Raymond can’t sue us, can he?”

Paige stuck their head out of the bedroom, where Gerald was currently singing the Backstreet Boys’ greatest hits all at once, or trying to. “No, I meant, like, an entertainment lawyer or something. I’ll text you the number for my lady. She’s great.”

“You have an entertainment lawyer?” I demanded. “Since when?”

“Since five years ago. She’s my mom, so…” Paige shrugged. “I get pretty good rates.”

“Wait, why didn’t she help you when Raymond screwed you over?”

Paige made a face, nose wrinkled and lips twisted into a mocking scowl. “Raymond’s kind of the reason she focused on entertainment law in law school. She was going for torts or something random.” Paige shrugged again. “When Raymond did his thing, she made the switch, and now she’s all fancy-schmancy up-and-coming shark at one of the downtown firms.”

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