Page 103 of Deck of Scarlets

“Are you here to tell me what I feel is wrong?” I asked, shaking from my anxiety.

“No. I can’t control how you feel. That wouldn’t be right.”

“Do you… regret what we did?” It was stupid to ask such an obvious question.

He ignored it, and my heart began to rip down the middle, making it harder to breathe. “It was reckless to even have done what we did in such a dangerous area, let alone act on it.”

“Because of Nickie, right?”

He hesitated.

“That’s what I thought.”

“I can’t feel the same,” he confessed. Josh averted his eyes, knuckles flexing from our anger toward each other when it was something more.

“Can’t or won’t?”

“I CAN’T!”

“I don’t believe you,” I breathed, defeated. My legs felt like Jell-O, losing strength with each passing minute. It was all wrong. My feelings, our argument, hurting Nickie, all of it, and yet there I stood, desperate to hear what he truly felt.

“I’m sorry, Remi.” It sounded empty coming from his lips.

What else could I say? Nothing. So, I returned to folding my laundry, my back facing him.

He took it as my final acceptance and left the room, leaving me alone to remind myself that I’d been a shit person from the very start.

How did I find myself back at the cathedral when I wanted to run far away from it? I knew the answer, and to be frank, I never wanted to knock Josh out as badly as I did right then, but to calm the short fuse I had, visiting Heather seemed the better choice. Even in a coma, she always listened, regardless of whether she desired it.

I quickly nodded hello to Collin at the front altar before disappearing by the side door behind the thick red curtain. After a fast stride to Heather’s private healing room, I sat by her side, stroking her limp hand. Nickie and I, yeah, the friendship needed some mending, but Heather felt like a long-lost sister—a young one—and the need to protect her never stopped, even now as she lay like a statue in her coma. It didn’t matter who went first when it came to the Blessing; Heather’s fate was already sealed when she accepted the invitation. So, there we were, me alive and her—sleeping beauty.

“Heather,” I whispered sadly. The likelihood of her understanding anything or even hearing me left a sadness in my heart.

“Demons, Heather. Fucking demons. I wish I had told you sooner about my invitation. I wish I could turn back the clock and tell you everything. I’m confused about my feelings for Josh and my role as a Scarlet. And don’t even get me started on this prophecy Father Benedict received. I don’t know anymore. I just want to run away,” I rambled, breathing deeply to calm my jumbled nerves.

The silence was expected from her, but her presence was enough to help me relax and release the tension that had been building for a couple of weeks. At least she lent an ear to my insignificant problems.

I continued. “Are they genuine feelings? Lust? His very essence invades my mind. It’s like a sickness with no cure. How fucking pathetic of me.”

Tears spilled silently down my cheeks, falling on my jeans and creating dark spots. I gripped her hand tighter, trying my best not to ugly cry. “Please, tell me what to do.” I choked on my sob, bowing my head on her hand, letting it all come out.

I wished she had woken up and helped me navigate the good, the bad, and the ugly. Instead, I cried because I had no way of saving her, saving the world, saving myself. The weight should have crushed me and ended the misery inside me. I was a pathetic excuse for a Scarlet, one of the chosen ones to help defend evil.

A soft vibration in my jeans pocket gave me a heads-up that someone might be trying to reach me. I pulled it from the tight space, getting two texts from Jeremy asking where I was and that I should call him. Wiping the snot from my nose and taking a deep breath, I hit his number and waited until he picked up on the second ring.

A cheery voice on the other end sliced through my dark veil of sadness. “Hey, chica. What are you doing right now?”

“Uh, nothing at the moment. Why?” We hadn’t spoken since girls’ night at Electric Haze went sour.

“I’m hungry, and I miss you. I wanted to apologize about the other night too. Dinner is on me if you wanna come?”

Ah, yes, there it was, the apology mixed with a nice gesture. Typical Jeremy. I’d have been concerned if he failed that tactic.

I kept a strong hold on Heather’s hand, dry sockets from the tears I’d spilled on myself. “Where for food?” Maybe just talking to Jeremy with Nickie absent gave me a sense of relief. I loved her, I genuinely did, but Jeremy became the anchor if I ever needed a second to stay in the moment, to feel my emotions before they swallowed me whole.

“Peg’s Diner! Where else?” Jeremy enthused.

The best breakfast in downtown Manhattan. I smiled at the phone. “Right now?”

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