Page 25 of The Longshot

How bout’ you cum 2 my place tn?

He bursts into laughter. “Oh, c’mon, Hart.” He pokes fun. “Now that is just painful. How do you expect some girl to sleep with you when you’re spelling ‘come’, c-u-m?”

Hart snatches the phone from my hands as I join in on the laughter, dapping Green up in the process.

That was a good one.

“That’s the last time I ask either of you pricks for advice.” An embarrassed look rises to his cheeks as he throws the phone back into his pocket.

“Ah, stop getting your panties in a twist.” I attempt to mitigate his scowl. “We’re trying to help you, Hart. By learning to spell come now, you’ll ultimately be able to cum later.”

Hart shakes his head, visibly fed up. “You’re both complete twats. You know that?”

“Oh, yeah?” Green raises a cocky brow. “Spell twat.”

Hart clenches his jaw, charging his way towards him—the two are always getting into spats like this. They have this ability to say just the exact thing to each other that’ll set them both off, leaving me in the line of fire.

“Alright, enough.” I break the two of them apart as if they’re two drunk girls at a party.

That’ll be them later.

“Hart, hand me your phone again, and once you do, do yourself a favor and buy a dictionary for Christ’s sake and Green…” I catch his attention next. “Talk when you have a girl.”

The two are silent as I take Hart’s phone back from his hand and begin messaging this anonymous girl on his behalf. The dickhead hadn’t even said ‘hello’ before he jumped into sexting.

He’s got a lot to learn.

“Me? What about you?” he protests. “Where’s your girl, Wilks?” Green narrows in his stare as we continue our way to Tenners. “I don’t see her around anywhere. Is she invisible? Or does she just not exist?”

Hart stifles a laugh, joining in on the shit fest.

“Maybe she only exists in his imagination,” he chimes back up, smirking over at Green as they laugh in unison.

The two of them give me whiplash.

I shoot them both an unamused stare. “Do you both want free pints tonight or not?” I question, cocking a brow. “‘Cause I can revoke it.” I shrug. “You know, I’d be happy to give them to someone else?—”

“Oh, we’re just taking the piss.” Hart peers back down at his phone, visibly pleased when he sees that not only have I secured him a date with this bird, but she’d agreed to come by his place later.

Gary Wilkinson: the ultimate sexter.

“Maybe he was,” Green rebuts Hart’s claim. “But I wasn’t. Where is your lady? Huh?” He pries with a purse of his lips. “You’re always going on about who you’re seeing, but we never see them.”

I chew down on my bottom lip as I process his remark.

What do I say? That I can get them in the bedroom no problem, but it's maintaining anything beyond that that I struggle with.

Fuck no.

I opt for the easier answer instead.

“There’s too many for you to meet.”

Green rolls his eyes, shaking his head in dismay as we continue to parade our way down the street.

“Besides…” I’m on my high horse now. “I could get any girl I wanted. Name one, and she’s mine. Done.”

Hart sees this as a proposition, cocking his brow as he tilts his chin up and gestures just ahead. “Oh yeah?” he speaks. “How about her?”

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