Page 60 of The Spy Who Ghosted Me

If she only knew how much I’d feared that question. I stalled by tangling my fingers in her hair and lifting her face to meet my lips. I longed to devour her, but only our lips stayed pressed together, bleeding our thoughts and emotions into them.

Sabrina’s kiss lent me the courage to say what she deserved to know. “Yes, I love you,” I whispered.

Tears trickled down her cheeks, wetting my lips and giving me a taste of her salty sweetness.

“I think you know how I feel about you,” Sabrina replied. “You stopped me from saying it the last night we were together in Bordeaux while we danced at that street fair. Do you remember?”

I nodded, remembering every second of that night, from how beautiful she looked in her red sundress, to how her body contoured against mine as we swayed to the rhythm of the sensual song, to how much I hated myself, knowing I was going to leave and hurt her. I knew then she would only hate me more if I let her tell me how she felt, so I’d kissed her to silence her.

“Do you want me to tell you now?” she earnestly asked.

“I do,” I admitted against my better judgment. “But I don’t want you to hate me when this is all over. My life isn’t my own.”

“Then let me own your heart.”

“It’s yours if you want it.” It was all I had to offer her.

“I love you.” She smiled through her tears. “Even though I don’t even know your real name. Am I crazy?”

“Yes.” She had no business falling in love with me. It was a terrible decision on her part, but I was glad about it. No one had ever loved me before.

“Maybe you should tell me your real name,” she coyly suggested.

SPI had labeled that information as classified until the time I was no longer in their service, though that seemed like a poor excuse, given what I’d already divulged to her. Yet it didn’t feel right telling her. At least not now. “If ever my life is my own again, I will. Just beware, you may not love him—or even like him.” I knew I hadn’t.

“Okay. For now, I will love you.”

For now, it was more than I deserved or had any right to hope for.

Sabrina

“HI, NANA.” CASH AND I walked into Pops and Nana’s house holding hands, clinging to every moment we had together, not knowing how long we had. Maybe I was insane for loving a spy. But when he’d told his handler the night before that he loved me and begged her not to remove him from his assignment so he could protect me, it melted my heart. A declaration like that kind of does something to a girl—like make her admit she’s never stopped loving him. I didn’t have all the answers, and I had no idea what our future held, but at this moment, he was here, and we had a serious job to do. We needed to save my ungrateful sister who, according to my app, was either in her room all day or wasn’t wearing my locket. She was so frustrating. Sometimes I didn’t even know why I tried with her. But then I would remember the little girl who used to follow me around claiming she wanted to be like me when she grew up—and my promise to keep her safe.

“Hi, baby girl.” Nana kissed my cheek before accosting Cash, ripping him out of my grasp to wrap her arms around him. “Oh, darlin’, if I were a younger woman, my granddaughter would have some stiff competition.” She burrowed her head into the chest I had slept on all night. Best. Pillow. Ever.

I rolled my eyes and smiled while taking in one of my favorite places in the world. In the face of the scary things I was confronting, Pops and Nana’s house always made me feel safe. There was something so comforting about seeing their matching brown rocking recliners and the coffee table that always had an uncompleted puzzle on it, with The Price Is Right perpetually on the TV in the background. But there wasn’t any time to reminisce. “Nana, you can grope Cash later. We really need to talk to Pops. We’re hoping he still has the maps he made of the caves. Cash and I would like to do a little exploring.”

The team on Emerald Isle had come up empty-handed, and there was no way we could risk searching Soren’s room again. Given there were two agents tailing Soren now, Cash agreed we could safely start our own search of the caves. SPI was sending a team in, but they couldn’t get here until tomorrow, and that didn’t work for me. Especially since Soren suspected that Cash wasn’t exactly who he said he was. I knew what it was like for every internet search of Cash to disappear and for my computer or phone to crash unexpectedly. It was disconcerting, to say the least. Because of this, Cash and I worried Soren was becoming a flight risk, which part of me was totally fine with, as long as he stayed away from my family. But the other part of me worried about other families and how he could harm them. He needed to be stopped. Which meant we needed those diamonds before they fell into worse hands than Soren’s.

Nana reluctantly let go of Cash. “Exploring, you say?” She wagged her bushy white brows. I was surprised that Lexi hadn’t been over to pluck them. Although on second thought, Nana would probably have fought her if she’d tried. My money would be on Nana in that matchup.

“Yes, Nana, there’s nothing more to it.” Well, there was, but it had nothing to do with what she was implying.

“Sure, sugar.” She obviously didn’t believe me. “Rhett,” she called out. “Come out here. Some of the young ones are here ... the ones we like,” she added.

I had to hide my snickering. I assumed the ones she didn’t particularly care for were Lexi and Soren.

Pops sauntered out in a plaid shirt and overalls. It went well with Nana’s plaid muumuu. I didn’t even know you could get a muumuu in plaid.

“Hey, Pops.” I smiled.

Pops looked between Cash and me. “Something has changed between you two.”

“You’re right,” Nana agreed. “Most of the uncertainty is gone, but a little still lingers.” Nana was spot on. She had no idea how hard it was to be in love with someone who could disappear on you at any second.

I kept telling myself how crazy I was, but that didn’t change my feelings. There was just something about Cash—there always had been.

Cash shifted uncomfortably, running a hand over his hair. This was unfamiliar territory for him, and I think he feared everyone would hate him when he went back to his spy life. I knew loving him was a risk and that my heart would probably break, but at least it would be a whole heart breaking and not the half one I’d carried around since he’d left me in France.

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